


Look At You Strawberry Blonde

by hanjisungie



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Reality, Alternate Timelines, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Fantasy, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Slow Burn, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:34:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 58,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25783726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanjisungie/pseuds/hanjisungie
Summary: "We don't talk about what happened to Kim Hongjoong"Park Seonghwa, a big city boy feeling nothing but dissatisfied with his life, inherits his estranged family property in a tiny country town when his mother suddenly dies. He moves into the sun soaked childhood home he barely remembers for reasons he isn't exactly sure of himself, call it intuition. Where he meets a strange boy with a beaming smile who seems to be living in his yard, who Seonghwa has a sneaking suspicion isn't actually human at all, and made of nothing but stardust.Fate is a curious thing, and a force strong enough to bend even time to fit its needs, through warped realities and run-away memories, Seonghwa has to fix what he didn't even know was broken.....and save a boy who doesn't know he needs saving((Loosely inspired by the film 'your name'! So mentally prepare yourself for that))
Relationships: Choi San/Jung Wooyoung, Kang Yeosang/Song Mingi, Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Comments: 127
Kudos: 74





	1. o n e

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm a LIAR ahdjskks  
> I couldn't resist starting this once I had it planned out, please tell me what you think so far!!  
> Atm the plan is to keep updating my main fic Swallowed By The Sea two to three times a week, BUT id love to be able to update once a week for this as well! More if it gets attention!  
> We shall see 👀👀👀  
> Please comment what you think!!

_ Time is nothing like what you think it is _

Seonghwa stares at the sign, hilariously placed directly beside a huge clock that looms like a gatekeeper at the far end of his sardine can of an office block. He's never understood what the sign was implying, as it wasn't inspirational or otherwise encouraging but it had been there ever since he stepped into this small pocket of hell he calls his job. 

_ Time…. _

The hand ticks over to five, and like clockwork every single person on the floor rises from their chairs in one wave, and makes their way promptly for the exit. Seonghwa breaks the mold, and sits there for a few moments, watching everyone go. The office clears out in minutes, and then it's Seonghwa….the confusing sign….and time. 

" _ Ya!  _ Seonghwa! You dead?" 

He's snapped out of his daze by someone hollering at him, and his vision comes back into focus to reveal his two roommates standing in the far doorway regarding him with tilted heads. Seonghwa startles and jumps up, shoving his belongings into his bag and stumbling towards his friends. "Off with the fairies?" Yunho teases, nudging Seonghwa with his shoulder as the three of them walk down the hallway side by side " _ Tch,  _ as if you have to ask that question, he spends more time in his own head then hear on planet earth" Jongho groans, yawning. " _ Hey!  _ Don't be so damn harsh!" Yunho scolds him, whacking his arm. "I am  _ right  _ here, if you two are quite done" Seonghwa chuckles, clearly not fast enough as Jongho hits their tall counterpart back twice as hard, making him yelp.

They fall into easy, meaningless conversations, bringing each other up to speed on the equally terrible days they all had respectfully. Seonghwa has been working in this particular firm for almost two years, as well as his roommates. Seonghwa was hardly a strong salesperson, and even less so over the phone, but somehow he'd managed to not find himself fired over the course of his employment there. The job is a nightmare, mentally destroying and painfully repetitive but it paid the bills and that was that. The streets of the city were packed as they always were just after five, as people fled their offices, desperate for home. Seonghwa, Jongho and Yunho's shoebox of an apartment was only a few blocks from their office building, so they didn't waste time with buses, and walk together every day. 

" _ Seonghwa!"  _

He snaps himself out of his daydreams yet again, head tilted to the sky and hands buried in his pockets as he admires how the pink light of sunset bounces off of the glass windows in the sea of skyscrapers they lived in. He looks down just in time to narrowly escape falling into a ditch, Yunho's hand on his arm. "Second time in less than ten minutes! What has gotten into you today?" Jongho scolds, and Seonghwa just shrugs, small smile on his face "I'm just extra tired I guess" he says, taking a few quick steps to get back in line with them. "You need a weekend off Hwa!" Yunho states, shaking Seonghwa where he still grips his arm, Jongho let's out a tutt, kicking a rock on the sidewalk "Don't we all" he spits out.

Seonghwas eyes catch a flash of red hair just to his left, bright and incredibly uncommon in his very grey, brown and otherwise monotone life. He instantly whips his head around to follow the person, but when he turns….they're gone. "Seonghwa! I mean it I  _ will _ get you one of those kiddie backpacks with a leash!" Jongho scolds, his patience clearly wearing perilously thin. Yunho bursts out laughing, which causes Jongho to direct his scolding at him for being ' _ a public menace!'. _

Seonghwa turns his head over his shoulder again, as Yunho tows him down the busy street, looking for the cherry red hair, strangely sad when he can't see it…. _ how odd.  _ Seonghwa shakes his head, blaming it on a trick of the light, and tries to focus on putting one foot in front of the other.

….

Their apartment barely fits all three of them, yet alone any  _ furniture.  _ Therefore the choice regarding having or not having a dining table was made for them. In place of one they each had a couch cushion pushed against the wall of their living room across from the TV, and three small lap benches designed for laptops, and that's how they ate every day. They'd all stripped down for the day, damp hair, pyjama pants and splayed out on the floor with some truly horrific Chinese food in front of them. Seonghwa takes a mouthful and grimaces, making Yunho laugh. "Hey! Be grateful!" Jongho snaps, defending the terrible food he was hell bent on buying for them.

The three fall into a comfortable silence, scrolling through their phones with some lame drama providing background noise as they pick at their food. Yunho sighs and leans back, making Seonghwa turn and look at him "Hmm? Something on your mind?" He asks, Yunho shrugs, sliding down the wall to lean his head on Seonghwa's bony shoulder. "I meant what I said you know, we should all have a weekend away or something" he asks, Jongho scoffs "Where do you suppose we go? I'm the proud owner of $9".

Yunho seems to ponder on their options being as broke as they were, before he sits bolt upright with eyes wide "Dear god here we go" Seonghwa chuckles to himself, noticing the tell-tale wonder in his friends eyes which was always followed by a tremendously terrible idea. "We should go home!" He says, Seonghwa and Jongho let out two perfectly harmonised  _ 'Nooooo's _ .

Yunho pushes his table away, jumping to his feet and just barely escaping whacking his head on the roof. "I mean it! We haven't been back in years! I miss everyone-" he whines, Jongho crosses his arms over his chest "Why on earth would you chose to spend your weekend in the middle of butt-fuck nowhere surrounded by  _ loonies!"  _ He groans. Seonghwa laughs at the betrayal that flashes across Yunho's face "Hey! Those are our  _ friends"  _ he whines, making Seonghwa laugh again. "I don't know about you but I'd rather not re-live my highschool years, thanks, what about you Seonghwa?" Jongho groans, Seonghwa nods "Couldn't agree more, sorry Yunho….hard pass" he chuckles leaning across to pat him on the leg where he stands.

Yunho hufs, drops himself back onto his couch cushion, and eats with the biggest frown on his face. 

….

Seonghwa never misses his alarm, never.

Not once in two years has he missed his alarm. Which is why it feels as if the world is ending when Jongho throws open his door that morning, causing Seonghwa to sit up with such speed that he whacks his head on the shelf attached to the wall just a little too low for someone his height. "Seonghwa what the hell! We need to leave  _ now!"  _ He yells, and Seonghwa stumbles out of bed in a panic. "I-I'm sorry….fuck! My alarm didn't go off-" Seonghwa chokes out, groggy and flustered. Jongho sighs "We have to go ahead, okay? I'll try and cover for you the best I can" Jongho sighs, Seonghwa nods "Thank you, both of you just go please don't be late for my sake" Seonghwa rushes out as he desperately scrounges around for clean pants.

Jongho sighs yet again, and Seonghwa hears the door shut with a click. Seonghwa turns and snatches his phone from his bedside table, glaring at it. He's about to throw it back down into his pillow, when he notices something…...his time read 5:16pm, and the date was still stating the previous days. Seonghwa squints at the device, poking the screen as if it was a pocket watch with one arm stuck. He groans and shoves the device in the pocket of his dress pants, uttering a "Don't have time" to himself while he buttons his dress shirt, tucking it in and shoving his feet into his well worn dress shoes. He's out of his bedroom in record speed, ducking into the bathroom to drown himself in cologne and pick up his black tie where it lies over the towel rack, pulling it over his head and tightening it. His hair is beyond the point of saving yet Seonghwa desperately tries to flatten it with his hands, willing the wild black strands to stay in place.

By the time he's in the hallway, smashing his finger against the elevator button, the panic in his gut is making him almost light-headed. The lift finally arrives, and Seonghwa piles in, pressing ground and shifting from foot to foot with nervous energy as he descends. He impulsively goes to check the time, groaning when "5:16pm" stares back at him from the cracked screen of his smartphone. When the lift door opens, Seonghwa essentially falls out of it, all but sprinting towards the front doors, adjusting his collar as he goes. The doorman shakes his head at Seonghwa as he passes, making him drop his head in shame.

When he's finally out on the street, he bites the bullet and  _ runs.  _ The cold air feels refreshing on his face, almost enough to make the prying eyes of the people he passes bearable. Seonghwa sees his building in the distance, and prays he has a few minutes left. He's so fixated on his goal, the end of his finish line, that he doesn't realise that the light of the pedestrian crossing ahead of him goes red. He is mere moments from becoming a stain on the front of an oncoming bus when he feels a hand grasp his wrist and yank him back. Seonghwa yelps and turns around, the person who grabbed him is short, in a school uniform despite looking years too old for it, with a cheeky smile on his face and….bright cherry red hair hidden under a black beret, Seonghwas eyes widen "Eyes up, silly" the boy chuckles, letting go of Seonghwa's wrist, backing up into the crowd with a teasing smirk still on his face, Seonghwa instantly goes to follow him "H-hey, wait! Do I-" Seonghwa stutters out.

The boy turns around, and it's almost as if he disappears into the crowd, vanishing in a way that leaves Seonghwa reeling. Seonghwa stands dead still in shock, blinking rapidly as if he's dreaming "Know you?" he mutters to himself, finishing his sentence before shaking his head and turning to walk across the street, head down as he goes.  _ I couldn't have imagined that, right?  _ Seonghwa looks over his shoulder as he walks, and sees no red hair….. _ I can't have imagined that…. _

He almost trips on a curb, bringing himself back to reality. Seonghwa shakes his head and picks up his pace, weaving through a clump of people as he turns and rushes into his building. He's almost panting as he stands in the elevator, still completely shaken by his encounter in the street.  _ Maybe I am having some kind of breakdown, christ.  _ The lift doors open, and Seonghwa instantly seeks out the clock at the end of the room, and his heart instantly sinks….9:04am.

_ No….I'm late….I've never been late….. _

"Park, how nice of you to show your face, meet me in my office" 

Seonghwa startles, instantly locating where his boss stands beside his desk with arms crossed and eyes lowered " _ Now"  _ he hisses, and Seonghwa lurches forward. Walking as fast as he can on his trembling legs, meeting Yunho's big sad eyes as he passes his desk, he mutters out a painfully soft "I'm  _ so  _ sorry, Seonghwa" which Seonghwa responds to by shaking his head. He keeps his head down as he rounds the corner, and steps into his bosses office. There's a click as the man shuts the door, and Seonghwa almost shudders. "Take a seat, Mr Park" the man mutters, and Seonghwa drops himself unceremoniously into one of the lumpy chairs.

"Now, you were late-" he starts and Seonghwa instantly stiffens, blurting out a "Please forgive me sir, it will never happen again I've  _ never  _ been late-" he says, finally raising his head and looking to his boss with pleading eyes. "You know how it is, Seonghwa, tardiness is not tolerated" he hisses, leaning down over Seonghwa who almost gags at how strongly the man smells of cigarettes "Sir,  _ please-"  _ Seonghwa goes on to beg again, but is cut off by his boss raising his finger to shush him. "You are  _ nothing,  _ Park Seonghwa, anyone on the street could replace you and I am quite frankly appalled that you believe yourself to be so, so  _ special _ that you don't have to abide by the rules" he hisses, Seonghwa can do nothing but shake his head as his eyes well up against his will. " _ No,  _ I really don't think that-" 

His boss scoffs, walking over and throwing open the office door "You have ten minutes to pack up your desk" he orders, tears spill over, Seonghwa jumps to his feet " _ Please,  _ I need this job-" Seonghwa pleads, his boss points into the hall and screams "Get out of my face! Park Seonghwa!" Seonghwas heart completely stops as everyone on the floor stops to look on, where he stands with tears in his eyes like a squabbling child. He rushes from the room, completely and utterly humiliated. Seonghwa barely registers it when he hears Jongho speak up, sounding painfully professional "Sir, there must be a mistake-" he says, but is quickly cut off "You wanna be next, Jongho? No? Then sit the  _ fuck  _ down"

Seonghwa chokes on a sob, reaching his desk and hurriedly picking up his very few personal possessions….pens….pictures of his friends. He shoves them haphazardly in his pockets. His small gasps as he quietly sobs is the only sound in the entire block as his now ex-collegues watch on in part horror, part morbid fascination. Seonghwa doesn't raise his head until he's well away from his desk and towards the elevator, he scans the area quickly, locking eyes with Yunho who looks only seconds from crying himself. Seonghwa steps into the elevator, watches the doors close, and immediately breaks down sobbing.

…..

Seonghwa sits in his bedroom, feet pulled up to his chest as he sits on his windowsill and stares out into the city he's never once thought of as home. Time slips away from him again, and Seonghwa tries to stop himself from crying for what must be the twentieth time since he'd arrived back home.

_ How could this have happened? _

His life was a well oiled machine, a routine that was perfected over years of repetition, and one he never  _ ever  _ got wrong. He picks up his phone, where it still reads 5:16pm, he chokes out a groan and flings the device across the room. Seonghwa can hear the door to their apartment open, and two sets of feet against the floor as his roommates shuffle inside. Seonghwa makes no move to get up, hoping his friends will simply leave him alone to fall to pieces. He can hear them drawing closer, when his phone rings.

Seonghwa sits bolt upright, dropping his cramping legs back to the floor. He almost lets it ring out, but at the last minute he lurches forwards and grabs it off of the carpet, answering the unknown number and holding the phone to his ear. "Hello? Seonghwa speaking" he stutters out, sitting on his knees on the floor. There's a second of silence before an unfamiliar voice speaks up "Park Seonghwa? Is that you?" They speak up, causing Seonghwa to swallow and sit down against the wall "Yes? Who is this" he asks, tucking his knees back to his chest.

"My my, you sound so grown up, I wish I was calling under better circumstances" the voice says, Seonghwa scowles in confusion "Who is this?" He asks again, a strange anxiousness forming in his chest. "You probably don't remember me, so I won't bother with introductions….I have some pretty bad news for you, kiddo, are you sitting down?" The man on the line asks, Seonghwa pauses for a moment before answering with a soft "Yes?" 

Seconds of silence pass, interrupted only by the crackling of the phone line.

"I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, son, but your mother died this morning" 

Seonghwa freezes, shock completely engulfing him for the second time in one incredibly short day. "W-what?" He stutters out "I know you two don't speak, so I guess you didn't know she was….quite sick?" The man sighs, Seonghwa sits dead straight "Uh….no I didn't know that" he chokes out, completely unsure of how to feel.

_ He's right….mother and I haven't spoken since….high school? But…. _

"I'm very very sorry son, I really am"

_ I can't remember…..why….why don't we talk? _

"Seonghwa? You there?" He calls out, Seonghwa shakes himself out of his head and snaps back to attention "Yes yes I'm sorry I'm just….in shock" he mumbles, the man sighs "Of course you are, and I really am sorry Seonghwa" he says, and Seonghwa nods to himself.

More silence passes "The funeral is this coming Friday, shall we expect you?" He asks, at that moment the door opens, and his friends peak their heads in. Seonghwa looks at them, wide eyed as he answers "Yes, of course….I'll be there" he stutters out, Jongho tilts his head at him. "Well….that's all I had to say, I am very sorry Seonghwa"

"No, thank you, I'll um...see you Friday" he mumbles, and hears the man hum in acknowledgement. Seonghwa is about to hang up when he hears the man call out. "Wait! One more thing!". Seonghwa puts the phone back against his ear "Yes?"

"She left you everything….including the house"

….

Seonghwa sits with his two roommates on either side of him, Yunho has his arm around his shoulders and Jongho with his pinky linked with Seonghwa's, which was a statement on its own as he would usually rather die then touch either of them. "Seonghwa….I'm so sorry" Yunho sighs, pressing his forehead into Seonghwa's shoulder as Seonghwa heaves in a breath. "What are you gonna do, Hwa?" Jongho asks.

It's a question Seonghwa knows he should think about, analyse and explore all of his options and go from there….but the voice in his head which he usually kept firmly at bay was uncharacteristically loud this evening, and hurdles instructions at him.  _ Go  _

"I don't  _ know"  _ he groans, pressing his palms into his eyes and sighing, Yunho presses impossibly closer "Go to the funeral,  _ grieve,  _ and then decide" Jongho says, always the practical one of their little trio. "I can't pay rent, I have no job and no savings….I have  _ nothing"  _ Seonghwa mutters, feeling as if someone was standing on his chest with the weight of his own guilt. "Don't worry about it….we can work something out until you find another job, the lease is up next week anyway remember? We'll just find somewhere cheaper-" Yunho says, Seonghwa cuts him off with a broken sob "We can't go anywhere smaller than this, we barely fit here, I can just-" Seonghwa says, words dripping helplessness.

"Don't you  _ dare,  _ Park Seonghwa, we would never leave you behind" Jongho snaps, shutting down what Seonghwa was going to say before he could even utter the words. "You can't afford to cover me, guys, it's a fact" Seonghwa snaps, instantly feeling guilty for it. Yunho whimpers and Jongho squeezes his hand "And we won't be able to sleep at night if we let you become  _ homeless,  _ so what is the third option, huh? Do you see one because I sure as hell don't-"

It hits Seonghwa like a punch in the face.

_ Time stops  _

"My mother….left me the house" he says, more like a breath then actual words. Jongho snaps his mouth shut, and Yunho's quiet crying suddenly halts. "I could go and live there, just for a few months….get back on my feet" Seonghwa keeps talking. "Hwa…." Yunho sighs. "It's a third option, isn't it?" Seonghwa presses, turning to look between his friends. Yunho smiles weakly at him "It is….you're right, but you  _ hate  _ that town-" he sighs, Seonghwa shakes his head "Doesn't matter, maybe some time out of the city will help me ground myself, right Jongho?" Seonghwa rambles, obviously trying to convince himself more than his friends, Jongho sighs but nods "Yeah, Hwa, if you're sure….I can see it being good for you" he says, clearly unsure.

Seonghwa nods, pulling them both closer "It's decided then, you two move on your own and I'll just go….home, for a while"

They both nod, and something odd stirs in Seonghwa's chest.

_ Home. _

_ And cherry red hair _

  
  



	2. t w o

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone's hair; this current era bc that makes sense  
> Hongjoong hair; pirate king/say my name era bc I miss the mullet every day 
> 
> Anyway this chap was 12 hours in the making so I really hope you all like it!! Please comment what u think or id love to chat on twt!! @_hanjisungie

"You look like the worlds  _ skinniest  _ gangster"

Seonghwa splutters, looking at Jongho with a genuinely hurt expression on his face "These are my  _ travelling  _ clothes, asshole! I have to sit on a train for five hours-" Seonghwa snaps back, adjusting the black cap on his head. At that moment Yunho walks around the corner and straight up laughs at Seonghwa "If not a gangster then….maybe some kind of hiphop funeral?" 

Seonghwa sighs, throwing his hands up in the air "It's a black hoodie, and black jeans! Why is this such a problem!" Seonghwa whines, only making Yunho laugh harder "If your plan is to stick out like all hell back home, you're doing great!" Jongho sighs, turning to walk back towards his own room, Seonghwa huffs and looks at Yunho for some form of guidance, but he just shrugs. "I don't exactly own any _cowboy hats_ , Yunho" Seonghwa groans, dropping himself onto his now very bare bed. "Cowboy hats? My god it's like you don't even _remember_ home sometimes" Yunho chuckles, turning and leaving as well. Seonghwa sits for a moment….. _don't remember….._

Whenever Seonghwa tries to recall his home...the town...the school...his friends...even his  _ family  _ it's like a dense fog slowly fills his head, and it's almost impossible to recall any kind of details about the life he left behind only a few short years ago. It had been like this as long as he could remember, like his memories were sealed behind some kind of door, and Seonghwa had long given up trying to break it down. Seonghwa shakes his head, pulling himself out of his own murky thoughts and standing up, he walks to his own bedroom door and pokes his head out "Are either of you going to help? I have to go!" He calls out, hearing a chorus of mumbles in return. Seonghwa fishes his phone out of his pocket, once again forgetting it was permanently stuck on 5:16pm. He'd spent a solid evening with his roommates trying to fix the device, but even after countless reboots and scouring the internet for answers….it seems it was stuck for good.

Yunho pokes his head into his room, followed closely by Jongho who just brushes past him and grabs one of Seonghwa's bags off of the floor, turning and leaving with it. Seonghwa sighs, and Yunho offers him a small smile "Don't take it to heart, okay? He's just sad that you're leaving" Yunho says, picking the other bag up. "I can carry that" Seonghwa insists, but Yunho shakes his head "I got it, c'mon let's go" he says softly, and turns to leave. Seonghwa follows after, but can't stop himself from stopping in the doorway, and turning back to look at the shell of his room. It was nothing much by anyone's standards, a wire-frame bed and a window, and a desk which was barely big enough for a laptop let alone anything else. But it was more than enough for him, and it hurt to see it empty. Seonghwa pulls his eyes away as soon as he feels his chest start to ache at the  _ bareness  _ of his little home. He walks down the hallway, which isn't much better….half packed boxes lie all around.

Yunho and Jongho found another apartment only a block from this one….two bedrooms and a fair bit nicer than this one, they were set to move in early next week. Seonghwa steps into the main living room, where his two best friends stand with matching looks of depression on their faces, Yunho hiding his sadness only slightly better. "Ready?" He says, and Seonghwa nods quickly before he can allow himself to think about the fact that once he steps out of this door he will never step back inside it again. "Let's go, I don't want to have to deal with the whining if you miss your damn train" Jongho mutters, pulling open the door and marching into the hallway. Yunho sighs, smiling at Seonghwa "Are you sure you don't want us to come to the funeral?" Yunho says as they both step into the hallway, following Jongho towards the elevator.

"No no, it's fine! It's not even until tomorrow….you two can't get the day off for something like that" Seonghwa says, and they all step into the elevator. "How are you even going to get to your house anyway? The train station is miles away and it'll be what….one in the morning?" Jongho asks, not even looking at Seonghwa as they step out of the elevator and shuffle through the foyer, Seonghwa sighs and shrugs "I'll….figure something out" He chuckles, making Jongho groan. They navigate the streets in relative silence as early evening settles over the city, and with every step Seonghwas heart grows impossibly heavier knowing it will be some time before he walks these streets again.

The train station is bustling, and Seonghwa knows he would already be lost if Yunho wasn't with him, Seonghwas ticket in his hand. "Right, so you're platform twelve…" he mutters to himself, squinting at the large directory screen. Seonghwa has no idea how Yunho can even  _ read  _ it, little boxes in all different colours with about a million little tiny numbers and words, the longer Seonghwa looks at it the more they just blur together. "You'd think that after  _ years  _ of living here, you would have finally learned how to read a train timetable" Jongho scoffs, and Seonghwa pokes his tongue out at him. Yunho jumps, yelling out "Found it! Let's go!" Before grabbing Seonghwa's wrist and towing him towards an entry gate. They walk down a positively filthy set of stairs, and end up on an equally disgusting train platform underground.

"You've got five minutes, see? No stress!" Yunho says, dropping himself onto a bench and placing Seonghwa's bag carefully in front of his feet. Jongho does the same, crossing his arms. Seonghwa sighs and sits between them, letting his head fall back. They sit in silence, but having the arms of both of his best friends pressed against him on either side of him is enough to keep him relatively calm. It doesn't last long, as Yunho sits up dead straight out of nowhere "Seonghwa, this is you" he says and both he and Jongho get up. Seonghwa swallows, trying to keep his panicked thoughts away "You'll be fine, okay? You just ride all the way until the end of the line, five hours or so" Yunho says, blinking rather rapidly as he forces Seonghwas own ticket into his clammy hand. Seonghwa nods and puts it in his pocket, looking rapidly between his two friends as the train begins to slow as it approaches. 

"Fuck this" Jongho chokes out, and lurches forwards to wrap his arms around Seonghwas middle who instantly returns the hug of his shorter friend. Yunho is only seconds behind him as he embraces Seonghwa from behind. " _ Anything  _ you need, you call okay?" Jongho mumbles into Seonghwas chest, a clear order, and Seonghwa nods rapidly as his chest constricts. "Seonghwa, it's time to go okay?" Yunho chokes out, and the sound of brakes squeaking and electric doors opening force them apart, and Seonghwa looks at them both with tear-filled eyes as he grabs his bags and walks backwards towards the train. Yunho looks as if he's barely keeping it together as he waves "Goodbye, Seonghwa! You'll be fine! We love you!" He calls out. "Tell San and Mingi I'll kick their asses if they let anything happen to you!" Jongho adds

_ San? Mingi?  _

The fog returns to his mind as he recalls the names which sound so painfully familiar yet so unknown at the same time.

Seonghwa stands like a stunned animal as he watches the doors shut in front of him, eyes still locked on his friends through the fogged glass window of the train door. The train lurches into motion, and almost instantly Seonghwa sees Yunho collapse in on himself, not able to hold his tears back any longer. His face contorts and he turns to pull Jongho into a hug, who seems to return it just as fiercely. Seonghwa chokes on a breath and lurches forwards to press his hands against the glass, watching his friends slowly disappear as the train picks up speed down the tunnel. Something thick and almost painful forms in Seonghwa's throat, and he wipes away tears as he turns on shaky legs to grab his bags where he had left them. Seonghwa hobbles down the hallway, the carriage was essentially empty, and finds a set of four chairs which he selects. He neatly arranges his bags on the two seats across from him, before settling in a seat directly across from them next to the window.

Seonghwa squints as the train exits the black tunnel, and flies over a bridge, filling the carriage with light. Seonghwa looks at his city, bathed in grey as the sun sets, and begs it to take care of his friends in his absence.

….

Seonghwa didn't even realise he had fallen asleep, until he woke up in the pitch black. The train had only a few small interior lights, which offers little relief from the sheet of black beyond the windows. Seonghwa takes a deep breath and straightens up, stretching out his arms as he looks around the carriage, which is now completely empty. Once again, Seonghwa goes to check his phone for the time….yet again forgetting about his time issue. He sighs and drops his head backwards against the rock solid chair.

_ End of the line, right? _

He shuts his eyes, and breathes deeply in the silence. He must have fallen asleep almost immediately, because when Seonghwa opens his eyes again he knows for sure that he is dreaming. He's standing on a train track, looking dead ahead at where someone stands in front of him maybe fifteen meters down the track. They have their back to him, dressed in jeans and a white t-shirt, with a tan jacket hanging off of one shoulder. Seonghwa rakes his eyes over the small figure, and falters when he sees cherry red hair on top of the boys head. 

_ It's him _

Seonghwa can't help himself, he opens his mouth and yells into the night "Hey! Who the hell are you?!" He screams. The boy turns his head over his shoulder, but Seonghwa can't make out his features being so far away from him, so he takes a few steps forwards and yells again "Hey! Answer me!" He yells again. The boy turns towards him, and Seonghwas heart stills as he walks closer. 

_ Let me see your face….. _ **_I know you_ **

Suddenly, a bright light appears behind the cherry haired boy, so bright it makes Seonghwa instinctively throw his arms up to shield his eyes. He slowly adjusts to the sudden brightness, and lowers his arms. His heart stills yet again, when he notices the source of light was coming from a  _ train  _ barrelling towards them. Seonghwas eyes blow wide as it speeds towards them, when he looks back towards the boy….he's half-facing Seonghwa but it's still impossible to discern his features due to the blinding light behind him. Seonghwa takes a few steps forwards, eyes flicking between him and the train "Hey! Move!" He yells with panic woven into every word, but with the roaring of the oncoming train he's not sure the boy could hear him at all.

_ Surely he can hear the train,  _

_ Why is he looking at me? _

Seonghwa doesn't even think, and sprints towards him "Move!" He screams, narrowly avoiding tripping as he sprints down the middle of the track. He stretches his arm out as he grows closer, but it seems as if the faster he tries to run the further away the boy gets and the faster the train approaches. The train is only seconds from hitting him now, and Seonghwa is no closer than when he started to sprint, and suddenly it's as if all the sound gets sucked from his dreamscape. The boy smiles, and speaks "Eyes up, silly"

Seonghwas eyes blow wide, he finally sees his face and-

Wakes up 

" _ Ya _ ! Last stop, kid!" 

Seonghwa sits bolt upright, spluttering as he's ripped from his sleep. Someone is leaning over him with a very  _ impatient  _ look on his face, and Seonghwa instantly assumes the man is staff. He stutters out an apology and jumps to his feet, stumbling slightly. The staff member stalks off as Seonghwa steadies himself, grabbing his bags and hauling them off of the adjacent chair. He stares at the ground the entire time as he disembarks, and doesn't raise his head until he's on the platform and hears the train doors hiss shut.

When he does raise his eyes, however, he  _ really  _ wishes he hadn't. The "station" was hardly worthy of that name. It was fifteen or so meters of a raised brick slab, two street lights, and one bench with a very clearly broken vending machine. Seonghwa blinks hard a few times, thinking he may in fact be  _ still _ dreaming. Seonghwa drops his bags and walks to the edge of the platform and down a small set of stairs. All he can see in the darkness is one stretch of road, leading into what looks like a whole lot of  _ nothing. _

"Oh  _ christ"  _ He mutters to himself, spinning around as he looks for any sign of the town, which was conveniently missing from his memory despite living there for eighteen years. Seonghwa let's out a dejected laugh and walks back up onto the platform. He looks out beyond it and sees - you guessed it! - a whole lot more of  _ nothing,  _ with the exception of what looks like a few old train carriages that are tipped over. He accepts his fate, and grabs his bags, trudging down the stairs and onto the street. "Right….now, which way?" Seonghwa mutters to himself, worried he may give himself whiplash with how violently he's tossing his head side to side. 

He gasps when he sees it, a tiny  _ microscopic  _ light in the distance to the right. He immediately turns and walks that way, right down the middle of the severely worn tarmac, muttering "Good enough for me". The further he walks the darker and darker it gets, and thankfully his eyes do a fine job of adjusting. For what could have been seconds, or  _ hours,  _ Seonghwa walks towards the speck of light in the distance, arms aching from towing his things. He drops his head, dejected and already having resigned himself to die on this road, when he hears it…..an  _ engine _ .

Seonghwa lifts his head, and almost cries right then and there when he sees headlights. He stumbles to the side of the road, not fully sure what to do as he looks towards the car approaching. In yet another  _ you know what, screw it!  _ moment, he raises his arms and starts to wave them, and as the car gets closer he only waves more aggressively. Seonghwa breathes a huge sigh of relief when he realises the car is slowing down. It comes to a complete stop in front of him, and Seonghwa instinctively steps back. It looks like an old truck, with beaten red paint and a tray filled with miscellaneous garbage like crates and pallets. 

Seonghwa startles, when the back door on the drivers side bursts open and a blur of black rushes towards him " _ Seonghwa!"  _ Is all he hears before he's embraced by the person, he squeals as he looks down at him in shock. The person looks up at him, huge smile and wide eyes with black hair all over the place from running into Seonghwa.

It hits Seonghwa straight away….that he very much knows the boys name, despite not recognising him at  _ all  _ when he looks down at his positively glowing face "S-san?" He chokes out, the boy smiles impossibly brighter and shakes him, pressing his face into his chest yet again and mumbling something so high pitched Seonghwa can't discern the words at all. "In my defence, I did tell him not to do that" a second voice drawls out, Seonghwa head flies up to see someone leaning out of the driver's side window, one hand on the wheel and the other propping his head up on the windowsill, dirty blonde hair worn long and messy.

Much like with the small one clinging to him, the name of the complete stranger seems to float to the front of his mind and fall from his lips "Yeosang" he breathes out, and the boy smiles at him "Hi, Hwa, it's been so long….I'm so sorry we were a bit late, Wooyoung wanted to come and when I told him we needed room for your bags he  _ cried  _ and that was a whole  _ situation"  _ Yeosang groans, and Seonghwa nods blindly, still in shock at the entire situation.

_ I know these boys….I really do know them….but I don't recognise them _

"What the  _ hell  _ Seonghwa!" San wails, pulling back and smacking Seonghwa in the chest "You  _ promised  _ you'd come back to visit after high school! And you didn't!" He continues to cry out, looking up at Seonghwa with puppy eyes as he splutters "I'm s-sorry San….Work kind of took over-" Seonghwa stutters out, lying through his teeth, and San tugs him into another hug "He's here now, San, stop bloody suffocating him!" Yeosang drawls, locking eyes with Seonghwa and offering him a small smile.

_ Highschool… _

Seonghwa tries to imagine them in his head, in school uniforms and much smaller and younger than they appear now….he can almost see them through the fog over his memory, but not enough to discern any features. San whines and detaches himself from Seonghwa who almost falls at the sudden lack of contact. He reaches down and grabs both of Seonghwa's bags, hauling them off of the ground and toward the car "Let's go, Seonghwa! Wooyoung is busting to see you" San calls out, loading Seonghwa's bags into the back seat. Seonghwa nods to himself, completely and utterly overwhelmed, and makes his way around the front of the car to hop into the front passenger seat. Yeosang smiles at him again, and San slams the door shut as he piles in behind Seonghwa.

"It really is good to have you back, Seonghwa" Yeosang says, patting Seonghwa's shoulder before putting the car in drive and turning around.

_ I know these people _

_ I trust them _

_ But I don't  _ **_recognise_ ** _ them _

_ Nothing about their faces are familiar  _

_ Who are they? _

He focuses on the road ahead, completely unlit beside the yellow light from the headlights, and tries not to freak the absolute  _ fuck  _ out.

….

It takes a solid twenty minutes of driving before Seonghwa could even  _ see _ the town, and he instantly shivers at the thought of walking that far in the dark carrying his things. San and Yeosang chat the whole drive into town, and Seonghwa desperately tries to pay attention and nod in agreement despite feeling very much like he's  _ drowning.  _ "So, how's the city Hwa? I've never been but I've heard it's  _ amazing!"  _ San gushes, snapping Seonghwa out of his own head "O-Oh! It's fine, I guess? A lot of people though-" Seonghwa says softly, making San laugh "Still don't like crowds? You haven't changed a bit" San says, reaching forwards to snatch Seonghwa's cap off of his head, wearing it himself " _ San!"  _ Yeosang scolds him, but Seonghwa can't help but laugh.

They finally seem to enter the town, wide streets and yellow street lights with houses and shops on each side that look like something out of a film for Seonghwa. Unlike the boys whose names he knew but faces he didn't, the town had an air of familiarity to it which calmed Seonghwa ever so slightly. "So, why didn't Yunho and Jongho come with you?" Yeosang asks, and San scoffs "Big city assholes, no time for us" he mumbles, sitting back in his seat "No no, they did want to come! But I didn't want them to miss work because of me, so I insisted they let me go alone" Seonghwa says, seeing the disappointment on San's face and instantly wanting to wipe it away for reasons he wasn't even sure of. San huffs and Seonghwa turns to look at him "I'll be here for a little while don't worry, I'll make them come down for a weekend" Seonghwa assures him, and San smiles from under Seonghwa's cap, nodding.

"I hope everyone's not too excitable when we get there, you look exhausted Hwa" Yeosang says, sounding more like he's talking to himself than Seonghwa. "Wooyoung and Mingi have been bouncing off the walls all day, you're lucky Hongjoong won't be back in town until tomorrow, he's been doing some work in the next town over for a week or two" 

The name hits Seonghwa like a punch to to the face….. _ Hongjoong _

_ A name I know, I….miss him _

_ But I don't remember him at all _

_ How is that even possible? _

"He's missed you  _ so  _ much, Seonghwa, I'm so happy you're finally going to be back together" San says softly, and Seonghwa is surprised he manages to speak at all with fluttering in his chest "M-me too" he stutters out. The three fall into silence as they drive, and eventually end up in what he guesses is the suburban area of town. Seonghwa gawks at the huge blocks of land, and the copious amounts of space between houses. "Right, we stop by  _ quickly,  _ and then I'm taking Seonghwa home okay?" Yeosang says as they pull into a gravel driveway. San claps his hands together and doesn't even wait for the car to come to a complete stop before jumping out, yanking Seonghwa's door open and pulling him out with him.

Seonghwa stumbles but doesn't fall, and barely gets to look at the sun soaked cottage-like house before San pulls him up the stairs, across the patio and into the front door. The house is  _ adorable,  _ white walls and dark wooden floors with decorative flowery trim on the skirtings. It's  _ huge,  _ compared to his old apartment at least, and once again has the same air of familiarity to it that somehow calms Seonghwa. pulls him around a corner and into a living area. Two boys stand in the middle of the room, clutching each other and stepping from foot to foot with huge smiles on their faces.

One is shorter, much like San, with black hair half tied up on top of his head. His eyes are wide and expressive, and smiling the widest Seonghwa can remember ever seeing someone smile. And just like with Yeosang and San, the boys name floats forwards out of the flog despite not recognising him in any way, shape or form.

_ Wooyoung….  _

The other is  _ tall,  _ probably taller that Yunho which is a statement in itself. He has dirty blonde hair, cut short and messy and his entire face seems to crinkle up as he smiles.

_ Mingi….. _

They're on him in an instant, tackling him in an all-consuming hug the same way San had. Seonghwa splutters but manages to semi-return the hug, his heart growing warm with the embrace despite his brain being  _ certain  _ he didn't actually know these boys. "Seonghwa! Oh my god!" Wooyoung squeals and Mingi shakes all three of them. " _ Ya!  _ Don't suffocate him for fucks sake!" Seonghwa hears Yeosang scold them as he enters the room. The two whine like small children, but let Seonghwa go, who stands there completely stunned. " _ Speak _ ! Dumbass!" Wooyoung pouts, and Seonghwa hears San laugh behind him "H-hello!" Seonghwa stutters out, and Mingi howls with laughter before leaning forwards and kissing Seonghwa square on the forehead.

"Song Mingi! What did I literally  _ just say?"  _ Yeosang groans from behind Seonghwa, Seonghwa looks between the two of them desperately looking for something  _ familiar  _ about them to justify the warm feeling in his chest that he feels so strongly just by being near them.

_ I've missed them, but I don't know them _

_ How is that even possible? _

"How was your journey?" Mingi asks, eyes full of what can only he describe as  _ wonder  _ as he looks at Seonghwa, who nods, leaning up at patting his cheeks as if it's the most natural thing in the world. "Long, but fine!" Seonghwa says, still feeling almost dizzy from the attention currently on him. "You're exhausted, aren't you?" Wooyoung says, grabbing Seonghwa's wrist and pouting yet again "Kinda" Seonghwa admits, smiling shyly. "And he has a big and very  _ sad  _ day tomorrow, so maybe we should let him settle in and rest before grilling him? He's not going to disappear" Yeosang says, and both Mingi's and Wooyoung's faces fall in sync. "Oh….You're right, I'm so sorry about your mum Seonghwa, it really is horrible" Wooyoung says, looking as if he may cry himself. Seonghwa is quick to shake his head "No no it's okay, please don't be upset, I'm totally fine" Seonghwa is quick to reassure the sulking boy, who smiles softly.

"Hongjoong has been texting me  _ all  _ day, he's so excited to see you" Mingi says, nudging Seonghwa with a sly look on his face. Seonghwa's heart flutters at the name yet again, despite having no clue who it's owner is. "I think it's time I take Seonghwa home, you'll all see him tomorrow, hmm?" Yeosang speaks up again, and both boys pout but nod. Seonghwa hugs both of them again, which was odd in itself as he was  _ not  _ a hugger, but it just felt right. He hugs San as well, and is quick to follow Yeosang back to the truck while the others yell "Goodbye!" And "Sleep well!" From the patio.

As soon as they're driving, and back on the main road, Seonghwa lets out a huge sigh "I'm sorry, Hwa, I really did try and tell them to take it easy on you" Yeosang says, and Seonghwa shakes his head while fiddling with his hands "No….it was uh….good to see them, and you" he mumbles, and Yeosang only hums in response. They weave through more long empty streets, before pulling into another driveway. Seonghwa bends forwards to inspect the place while the lights of Yeosang's truck illuminate it. 

It's blue and white, cottage style much like the other house, and two stories. Once again Seonghwa is floored by how much it looks like something from a children's book, with a white slanted roof, push open windows, and a balcony that lines the entire bottom floor. "Home sweet home, Seonghwa" Yeosang says as he puts the car in park, and reaches into his pocket to hand Seonghwa a set of keys with a leather keyring. Seonghwa inspects them, stuttering a little when he sees 'Park' is engraved on the keyring.

"Want me to come inside?" Yeosang asks, and Seonghwa shakes his head despite feeling instantly guilty for it "That's okay, just call if you need anything okay? I left all our numbers on a notepad in the kitchen, in case you didn't have them anymore" he says, and Seonghwa nods, smiling softly at him. Seonghwa hops out of the car, opening the back door and pulling his things out while still clutching his keys in his hand. As he stumbles up the stairs to the patio Seonghwa sees the headlights pull away, and turns around to yell "Goodnight, Yeosang!" Which the boy responds too by honking a few times as he pulls out of the driveway.

Seonghwa stands in front of the door and just  _ breathes  _ for a moment, before pushing the key into the slot and opening it.

_ Here we go… _

Seonghwa steps inside to the dark hallway, fiddling around on the walls until he finally finds a lightswitch, he flicks it and yellow light floods the hallway. The interior matches the exterior perfectly, polished wooden floors and white panelled walls. Seonghwa puts his bags down and shuts the door, locking it instinctively behind him. He walks slowly through the house, wide eyes taking in every small detail. The first room to the left is a living room, with a fireplace and some white couches as well as a daybed next to a window. Seonghwa keeps walking, the next door is on his right and seems to be a small study, only a desk and some bookshelves inside. At the very end of the hall the house opens up to a large kitchen and dining area with a staircase, everything is spotless and matching and Seonghwa fails to believe any of it is even  _ real  _ let alone  _ his _ .

The house seems to be leaking an overwhelming sense of  _ comfort,  _ and Seonghwa can't ignore how familiar the place looks, and how it feels unequivocally like  _ home.  _ He stands at the base of the stairs and looks around…..He doesn't look at anything too in-depth, already mentally and physically exhausted, and makes his way up the stairs. The hallway upstairs is much smaller, with a large window at the end with two doors directly across from each other and one other slightly further down from them. He sticks his head inside the first one and can immediately tell it's the master bedroom, he shuts the door immediately.

_ Mom's room…. _

He turns and opens the one across from it, which reveals itself to be a small white-tiled bathroom kept just as clean as the rest of the house. Seonghwa shuts the door again, and makes his way down to the final room of the house. When he opens the door he's hit with the same wave of  _ warmth  _ as when the boys he assumed were his friends once upon a time said the name of their missing friend…. _ Hongjoong.  _ Seonghwa steps inside and pulls the door shut behind him, leaning against it for a moment to breathe before flicking on the lights. 

The room isn't much smaller than the master; there's a slightly raised level with a small set of stairs leading up to a large bed with baby blue sheets, and underneath it a built-in bookshelf. Seonghwa scans the room, seeing another large window with a daybed built into the ledge below it. The floor is the same dark wood, but there's a large white rug taking up most of the floor. Seonghwa doesn't realise he's smiling as he takes in the mostly bare room, walking around running his fingertips over shelves and various surfaces as if touching things will bring back the memories he didn't know he was missing. 

Seonghwa sighs to himself, toeing off his shoes next to the door and walking over to the window to draw the curtains shut. He catches himself staring before he can slide them across, looking out over the sprawling field which he can't believe is his  _ backyard.  _ The moonlight makes the place look ethereal, and Seonghwa notes a small shed and a huge tree popping out from the flat land. He makes a mental note to explore it in depth when he has a chance, and draws the window shut, walking back to the door and flicking the light off. He stands there for a few moments to allow his eyes to adjust to the darkness before making for the bed.

Seonghwa drags his aching legs up the few steps up to his bed, sitting on the edge and thinking that it was  _ far  _ too big for a child. He sighs and stands, not even having to duck at all due to how high the ceiling was. Seonghwa yanks off his pants, throwing them carelessly to the floor of the below level, his hoodie following close behind. Seonghwa crawls into the middle of the bed, and his eyes blow wide when he notices something….on the far wall beside the bed were  _ pictures.  _ Seonghwa gasps and crawls over to inspect them one by one in the darkness. It's him….and Yunho and Jongho….and all the new yet achingly familiar faces he saw only an hour or so ago. Seonghwas fingers brush over every picture tacked to the wall, searching for any clues on what he was  _ missing.  _

Seonghwa pauses on one of him and an older woman,  _ Mom.  _ He recognises her instantly, and his heart breaks with the guilt that he had ever forgotten her face. He runs his finger over her figure, feeling tears well in his eyes. Seonghwa quickly looks away, and it only gets  _ worse.  _ The last picture, right next to where the pillows were, didn't have him in it at all. It was of a teenage-appearing boy, lying in the grass with his hands stretched up towards the camera and the person holding it. It was clear that whoever had taken the photo - Seonghwa assumes it was himself - was standing over the boy, and he was looking up at the photographer clearly mid-laugh as he laid in the grass. Seonghwa's heart skips a beat at the softness of the picture, once again overwhelmed with a sense of  _ knowing…..this boy meant a great deal to me. _

Seonghwa notices, unsure how he even missed it in the first place, that the boy in the grass has cherry red hair. Seonghwa turns away instantly, pulling himself under the covers and screwing his eyes shut as he forces himself to sleep.

_ It can't be the same boy….it can't be _

_ "Eyes up, silly" _

….

Seonghwa wakes up around midday from a dreamless sleep, scolding himself for sleeping so late and drags himself quickly from his extremely comfortable bed, stumbling down the hall and stairs to where he left his bags near the door. He grabs them and rushes back upstairs, dumping them on the floor of his bedroom, throwing them both open and digging through for….funeral attire. He finally locates his nicest pair of black dress pants and a black button down, pulling them out and laying them flat on the floor. He pauses then, noticing something was  _ ringing.  _ Seonghwa pauses for a second to make sure he wasn't imagining the sound, but eventually jumps up and runs back down the stairs, still basically  _ naked. _

He looks around the kitchen and dining room, now bathed in daylight, and finally locates a phone hanging off the wall in the kitchen. He runs over and grabs it, almost dropping it and getting the chord wrapped awkwardly around his arm in the process but eventually pressing it to his ear and choking out a "H-Hello?" As he looks around the room. "Seonghwa! Good morning! Did you sleep okay?" Mingi's sunshine-like voice yells through the phone, and Seonghwa nods "Yeah! Great….Hi, Mingi" he chokes out, making Mingi giggle "Hi Hwa!", Seonghwa can hear someone yell in the background and Mingi speaks again "Oh! Yes! Yeosang says we'll come get you in ten okay?" Mingi says.

Seonghwa jumps, looking down at his current state of being and spluttering. He is about to ask for a bit more time but Mingi yells out "Gotta go! See you soon!" And hangs up. Seonghwa allows himself a split second to panic, then  _ runs.  _ He sprints back upstairs, almost slipping over as he veers into his room and grabs his clothes off of the floor before running for the bathroom. Seonghwa essentially falls into the shower, yelping when the water comes out ice cold. He has no time to wait for it to warm up and quickly looks for soap, groaning when all he sees is things clearly designed for  _ women.  _ He accepts his fate and quickly washes himself, getting out of the shower and drying himself with a pink floral towel. 

He dresses just as quickly, buttoning his shirt and pushing his hair back and out of his face as he makes his way back to his room, shoving his feet into a pair of dress shoes he had bought with him. Seonghwa is about to douse himself in cologne to hopefully conceal the flowery soap he had to use, when he hears someone pounding at the door. Seonghwa jumps and drops the cologne, grabbing his black suit jacket and making for the stairs yet again. He takes them two at a time, rushing down the hall and plucking his keys off of the entry table as he does, throwing the door open to see Wooyoung standing there. He's dressed head to toe in black as well, but still smiling "Good morning, Seonghwa!" He beams, and Seonghwa smiles back before stepping outside and pulling the door shut behind him.

They walk towards Yeosangs truck together, but Seonghwa can't help but look at the sea of green around  _ his  _ house, having not been able to really appreciate the amount of space he had at his disposal last night when he arrived. "Wow, Seonghwa! You smell great!" Wooyoung giggles, making Seonghwa groan as he walks around the car and jumps into the passenger seat. Yeosang greets him from the driver's seat, and Seonghwa turns around to smile at San and Mingi in the back as Yeosang pulls the car back out onto the road. "How'd you sleep?" San asks, leaning forwards from where he sits in the middle seat to peer at Seonghwa. "Mmm, yeah….good, much better than the tiny bed in my apartment" he mumbles, making San laugh "God I have  _ dreams _ about your bed, I remember when all eight of us used to sleep in there together and it wasn't even  _ that  _ cramped" he sighs, and it's Seonghwa's turn to laugh. The thought  _ seems _ familiar, despite not remembering it happening. 

They fall into a comfortable silence, all dressed in black driving through a whole lot of nothing. The closer they get to town, the more people Seonghwa starts to see also dressed in black walking in the streets, and the more he starts to fidget in his seat. "Is everyone in the whole town going to this funeral or what?" He mumbles, and Wooyoung scoffs as if he's just asked the most obvious question ever "Pretty much yeah, everyone knew your mum". Seonghwa swallows and hums, not really sure what to say. They eventually slow down, and turn into what is clearly a funeral home.

When they park, Seonghwa wastes no time jumping out, followed shortly by the others. Seonghwa scans the people gathering there and starting to move inside, and notices  _ very  _ quickly that everyone is staring at him. Yeosang seems to notice his discomfort, and walks over to link his arm with Seonghwas, leading him forwards "Why is everyone staring at me?" Seonghwa mutters, and Yeosang sighs "No one's seen you in years, and you turn up look like a big time city model" Yeosang teases, making Seonghwa fold in on himself. 

When they step inside, the staring gets impossibly worse. "Where's Hongjoong?" Seonghwa hears Mingi ask, and Seonghwa just barely stops himself from turning and bolting from the room. Yeosang let's go of Seonghwa for a moment to turn and talk to the others, and Seonghwa is so caught in his own shock that he doesn't notice a man has walked up and started speaking to him "Seonghwa, I'm so sorry for your loss my boy….come this way there's a seat right at the front for you" the man asks and Seonghwa instantly panics, looking around for  _ any  _ of his friends who seem to have been sucked into the sea of black. The man ushers Seonghwa forwards as people seem to be settling into their seats. Seonghwa sees no other option, and stumbles to follow the man as he leads him towards the front of the room, where he finally notices a large casket, and instantly drops his eyes to the floor. 

The man motions to a spot between two strangers on the left side of the room, Seonghwa nods and awkwardly goes to sit there, offering what he hopes comes across as a polite smile to the man and women on either side of him. "Park Seonghwa? Wow….you've grown up so much, I'm so sorry for your loss, sweetheart" the woman says, patting Seonghwa's arm who can do nothing but nod in return, feeling as if his throat is full of cotton. The room falls almost silent when someone steps up to the podium and speaks "Can everyone please rise for the priest, the funeral procession is about to begin" 

Seonghwa stands, straightening his jacket and folding his arms in front of him, looking around at the sea of unfamiliar faces. He falters when he catches someone staring directly at him, and can't help but stare back. He's on the other side of the isle, right on the end, and is very obviously staring at Seonghwa with wide eyes as if he's something magical to behold. He was very  _ oddly  _ dressed, in black pants with a white button up worn almost completely open, his sleeves rolled up to his elbows with a black vest worn open over the top. He had black combat boots on, and a crown of flowers worn atop his sandy blonde hair, worn long in a strange mullet style which  _ shouldn't  _ look good, yet somehow suits him. His fringe is short and his eyebrows dark, with a criss-cross slit in one. Seonghwa's eyes widen as he continues to return the stare, and he can't help but whisper a question to the lady next to him "Pardon me….ma'am...but would you happen to know who that is?" Seonghwa whispers, nodding towards Hongjoong, but his eyes never once leaving the other boy.

The man next to him scoffs "That is the boy who became your mother's son when you decided you didn't want to be anymore", Seonghwa startles at the sudden harsh words, dropping his eyes ever so slightly. The boy seems to duck, seeking out Seonghwa's eyes as he retreats. The women sighs and speaks up "Don't be silly, Seonghwa, you remember Kim Hongjoong….You two were basically attached at the hip…." She sighs 

Seonghwa's eyelids flutter at her words, and he can't draw his eyes away from the boy, even as the priest begins to speak.

_ Kim Hongjoong _

He looks harder, imagines red hair, and his heart falls to his feet as the most overwhelming wave of familiarity so far role's over him in one wave. It's as if Hongjoong can sense it, and he smiles at Seonghwa.

_ "Eyes up, silly" _


	3. t h r e e

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> am I in love with Hongjoong? You'll never know and you can't prove SHIT

The service was a blur, and Seonghwa felt as if he was one strong gust of wind off falling to the floor below him. He barely registers a word of the service, silently grateful that he hasn't been asked to speak or anything of the sort but simply allowed to stand and mull over his grief. Seonghwa was acutely aware of Hongjoongs eyes on him, staring at him with wide eyes for essentially the entire service. Seonghwa doesn't even realise it's over, until the priest raises his hands and everyone rises to their feet yet again. Seonghwa stumbles but manages to rise as well, watching with wide eyes as a team of men walk down the central isle and around the casket, arranging themselves on either side and lifting it up. Seonghwa can hear people crying as the casket is removed from the church, and the priest completes a final prayer before finally saying "The service has come to an end, please go in peace"

Seonghwa breaths out, pointedly avoiding Hongjoong as he looks around for Yeosang, who had oh so kindly left him for dead in a room full of strangers. Seonghwa scolds himself for the thought….. _ Yeosang doesn't know they are strangers to me…. _ He shakes himself and keeps looking around, locating them in the back row. Mingi sends him a soft look, puppy eyes that scream 'we're sorry!'. Seonghwa sighs, nodding politely at the nice woman who was next to him and making his way through the sea of black towards the few who were familiar.

He's so close, when he feels a small hand wrap around his wrist. Seonghwa startles and turns around, his heart falling straight to his feet when he sees Hongjoong looking up at him with wide eyes. " _ Seonghwa"  _ he breathes out, as if he had been waiting a lifetime to utter his name, and Seonghwa scolds his weak heart for filling his chest with butterflies as he looks down at the fairy-like boy who felt scarily like  _ home _ yet completely alien at the same time. 

_ "Eyes up, silly" _

Seonghwa is aware they must look _insane,_ standing there in a funeral home staring at each other, but this small mystery in front of him demands his full attention… _.it can't be you, you cannot be the same person as in the city, it's not_ _possible._ Hongjoong cocks his head, and Seonghwas heart flutters yet again "H-Hi" he stutters out, and it gets _worse_. Hongjoong _laughs,_ a bright clear sound which shakes him to his core and makes every hair on his body stand up. "What on earth has gotten into you, angel? You're all red! Don't get me wrong I'm very glad you seemed to have missed me!" Hongjoong laughs, clearly finding Seonghwas current state of paralysis hilarious. Seonghwa shakes his head "N-nothing! I'm just-" Seonghwa splutters, and Yeosang comes to the rescue.

"Hongjoong! Can you stop  _ laughing  _ please, this is a funeral home!" He whisper-yells, Hongjoong covers his mouth but continues to giggle "It's his fault...he pulled a funny face" Hongjoong whispers, and Seonghwas mouth falls open. " _ God,  _ let's just go outside" Yeosang moans, and Seonghwa nods violently. Hongjoong releases him, and Seonghwa instantly pulls his hands to his chest. Hongjoong brushes past Seonghwa, smiling at him as he skips forwards to walk with San. Seonghwa stands there and  _ blinks _ , completely at a loss as to why his heart is racing so rapidly for a boy he doesn't know "Forgive him, Seonghwa, he's missed you more than….probably anyone" Yeosang says, once again showing nothing but sympathy for Seonghwa as he walks beside him to the exit. 

_ Kim Hongjoong….Who are you? _

When they finally emerge from the church and Seonghwa is able to finally take in a lung full of fresh air...He slowly feels his blush subside and his pulse slow. It's as if Hongjoong can sense it, and he spins on his heel to smile blindly at Seonghwa again, yanking him back into his orbit. "There! Now we're outside and I can be as loud as I _ damn  _ please!" He yells, looking at Yeosang with the same cheeky smirk before seeking out Seonghwa again "Come here,  _ I've missed you _ " he says, and Seonghwa is shocked at the sudden softness to his voice. It's like Seonghwa's feet move on their own accord, carrying him towards the small boy and leaning down to meet him. Hongjoong wraps his arms around Seonghwa's shoulders and sighs, squeezing him. When Seonghwa hesitantly wraps his arms around his lower back, he's almost shocked his arms don't just pass through him….shattering the strange illusion that he's convinced himself is the only logical explanation to what's happening to him.

Hongjoong is  _ tiny _

His chin fits easily under Seonghwa's chin, and his waist is impossibly small where his arms circle around it, and the same lightheaded feeling he had in the church under this strange boys curious yet intense gaze instantly returns…... _ This cannot be real, I feel drunk….. _ Hongjoong pulls away, the same bright smile on his face as he places his hands on Seonghwa's cheeks, whispering a painfully private "Look at you, huh? just as radiant as the day you left" Seonghwa's mouth falls open and he hears San howl with laughter in the background "Joong! He's going to  _ combust _ if you keep that up!" Wooyoung says, laughing alongside San. Hongjoong seems to be pulled from his trance, and leans back with wide eyes " _ Oh,  _ I'm sorry Seonghwa...I didn't mean to overwhelm you" 

_ Oh my god he is  _ **_blushing_ **

Seonghwa shakes his head "N-no it's okay! I'm not overwhelmed-" Seonghwa stutters out, and San laughs harder, which is completely drowned out as a smile returns to Hongjoongs face, exactly where it belongs "See, San!" Hongjoong whines, turning around to run up and poke San in the chest, making Wooyoung giggle. Mingi swings his arm over his shoulder and the four seem to launch into a conversation in pure gibberish. Seonghwa looks on in shock, and Yeosang sighs beside him "Kids, you know" he groans, and Seonghwa nods.

Hongjoong turns his head over his shoulder, and winks at Seonghwa.

_ What on gods green earth is happening? _

….

Yeosang rounds them all up with practiced ease "Everyone in the truck! We're causing a bloody scene" he yells, and the four bubbling boys all whine in unison. Yeosang nudges Seonghwa, who looks down at him with wide eyes "You good?" He asks, and Seonghwa nods "Yeah of course….I'm just a bit overwhelmed with…." Seonghwa trails off as he watches Hongjoong adjust his flower crown "Hongjoong?" Yeosang laughs softly, and Seonghwa sucks in a breath "Yeah, something like that" he says, Yeosang is clearly about to speak again when Mingi yells out "Yeosang! We have one too many!" He whines.

Seonghwa does a quick head count, and sighs when he confirms it…..There's six of them. Hongjoong steps forwards "It's fine! Seonghwa and I will sit in the tray!" He says, gripping the edge of the faded red tray and very unceremoniously pulling himself over into it. Seonghwa snaps his head towards Yeosang, pointing at himself "M-Me? In the  _ what- _ " He chokes out. "Hey! Maybe I wanna sit in the tray, asshole!" San whines, and Hongjoong sticks his head up to smirk at him "Funny that, didn't realise your name was  _ also  _ Seonghwa?" Hongjoong teases, and Sans eyes narrow in a universally recognised challenge of  _ 'oh, bring it on _ '.

Seonghwa sighs and steps forward, but not fast enough for San "He doesn't even  _ want _ too!" San groans, motioning at Seonghwa and shooting puppy eyes at Hongjoong. Hongjoong lets out a tutt as if it's the most ridiculous thing he's ever heard, and looks at Seonghwa "Of course he does, right?" He asks. Seonghwa straightens up, and automatically looks towards Yeosang who seems to be screaming the words directly into Seonghwas mind  _ 'Please just say yes so I don't have to break up a fight between two midgets in a church carpark".  _

Seonghwa swallows another wave of furious blushing and walks towards the car "Sure, Hongjoong, of course I do" he mumbles, and San whines like a kicked puppy. "It's okay, Sannie! Sit with me" Wooyoung says, dragging San into the back seat with him. Seonghwa pulls his suit jacket off, throwing it into the tray where Hongjoong catches it. He's sat against the back of the cab, his legs out in front of him and looking up at the miles of clear blue sky above him. Seonghwa grips the edge of the tray, bounces on the ball of his feet once and jumps up and over. Hongjoong instantly shuffles over and pats the spot next to him, which Seonghwa hesitantly crawls over to and sits in, bringing his knees up and brushing them off.

"Brace yourself" Hongjoong chuckles, and like clockwork the car lurches forwards. The car veers down the road, and Seonghwa tries desperately to conceal his fear as wind whips at them, Hongjoong throws his arms up and over his head, yelling into the wind like a small child...and Seonghwa can't bear to look away from him.  _ You were very special to me, that much I know, how the hell have I forgotten you, Hongjoong?  _ Hongjoong eventually lowers his arms and flops his head to the side to catch Seonghwa red-handed staring at him. Seonghwa instantly snaps his head away, staring dead ahead as they fly down the long flat road. "Ah, Seonghwa…." Hongjoong says, and Seonghwa hums, swallowing his nerves "I didn't give you my condolences….I am so sorry about your mother, I know you two were close" Hongjoong mumbles.

_ Close? I had forgotten what she looked like until I saw her on the walls of my childhood bedroom _

"Thank you, Hongjoong…..You were close with her also, right?" Seonghwa asks, recalling the harsh words of the man next to him in the funeral home….who had claimed Hongjoong was like a son to his mother. Hongjoong nods, and looks back up to the sky "Time is a funny thing, isn't it? So  _ greedy,  _ always taking things from us" Hongjoong says painfully casually, and Seonghwa can't help but tense.

_ Does he know? How could he possibly know about my memories? None of the others seemed to have picked up- _

Hongjoong cuts off his mental rant by calling out his name again "Seonghwa" he says softly, and Seonghwa manages to fight away his anxiety and turn his head to look at him "Yeah?" He mumbles "No matter the circumstances, I'm glad they brought you home" he says painfully sincerely, and Seonghwa swallows as he nods "Y-Yeah, it's good to be back" he tries to say confidently, and Hongjoong smiles.

….

As they arrive at the same house as the previous night, Seonghwa makes a decision -  _ I will never ever utter a word of my lack of memories.  _ He knows for certain that this is something wrong with  _ him _ , some kind of short term memory loss….and if he can play it off until the memories return, which he is  _ sure  _ they will, without any of his childhood companions noticing, why does it matter? He looks over at Hongjoong, who is already halfway out of the cab and humming to himself, then to San and Mingi as they sprint towards the front door….and is fully faced with the truth that is the pain they would all feel if they were ever to find out the truth - that he had forgotten them. It’s a pain Seonghwa could never let himself cause them, and therefore the decision to lie between his teeth is an easy one to make.

_ Maybe it is just short term memory loss….But that doesn’t explain seeing Hongjoong in- _

Seonghwa pushes the thought away, forcing it to the back of his mind. “Coming?” A voice calls out, and Seonghwa brings himself back to the present, where Hongjoong is resting with his arms folded on the back of the tray, propping his head up on it. Seonghwa jumps to his feet, making the car shake slightly as he wobbles to the edge and jumps out of the back. Hongjoong smiles at him, and Seonghwa nods to assure him he’s fine before they both walk towards the house in silence. “The house looks good, right?” Mingi asks, calling out to Seonghwa from the patio. Seonghwa looks up at the red house, fresh white trim and well kept flower patches in the front, and nods. Mingi seems to beam “Mum and I painted it only a few weeks ago, before she went out of town for work” he says, and Seonghwa makes sure to take a mental note…. _ Red house….Mingi's.  _

They all pile inside, and Seonghwa follows Hongjoong as they walk single file down the hall until they reach the same living room as the night before. San, Wooyoung, Mingi and Hongjoong sprawl out on the floor, and Seonghwa stands in the doorway watching them. “Why is it so fucking  _ hot”  _ Mingi whines, shamelessly unbuttoning his dress shirt and letting it hang open, Seonghwa pointedly looks away “Is it hot in the city, Hwa?” San asks, and Seonghwa shrugs “Not as hot as here I guess, all the buildings block most of the sun” He says, and they all hum in acknowledgement. Yeosang walks past Seonghwa, dropping himself into an armchair. “What’s on the agenda for this evening then, gentlemen?” Wooyoung asks, and no one answers. Seonghwa sighs “I wanted to have a look around Mums….uh, my….house, like a proper look” He speaks up, and San instantly sits bolt upright “We can come!” he yelps, and Yeosang ruffles his hair “ _ San,  _ you dumbass, that was clear Seonghwa talk for  _ I want to be left alone for a bit”  _ Yeosang scolds him, and Seonghwa smiles shyly “That’s okay, Hwa, we get it” Hongjoong speaks up, sitting up as well and resting his head in his hands to oggle Seonghwa. 

“I’ll take you home, Seonghwa, I’m really sorry! I should have  _ asked  _ before just bringing you here” Yeosang sighs, and Seonghwa is quick to reassure him “No no it’s fine really” but Yeosang shakes his head, walking towards him “Coming, Hongjoong? I don't want to have to drive that way twice” He calls over his shoulder as he walks past him and down the hall. Seonghwa furrows his brow in confusion “I live right by you, silly, don’t you remember?” Hongjoong teases as he passes by, clearly noticing Seonghwa’s confusion. “O-Oh! No of course I remember!” He stammers out, turning to follow behind him.  _ Nice save, you incompetent fuck.  _ Yeosang is already halfway through the front door, but turns back to yell “Don’t burn anything down while I’m gone!” at the others, Seonghwa can hear Mingi scoff “It’s  _ my  _ house!” He calls out, and Yeosang sighs “As if that would stop you” he mutters to himself as the three walk towards the car. “By guys!” Seonghwa yells out, still feeling a little guilty for leaving those who so clearly were itching to spend time with him. 

Hongjoong opens the back door and quite literally has to  _ jump  _ into the truck, which makes Seonghwas heart ache. Seonghwa forgets that the front passenger seat exists as he watches Hongjoong pile into the car which is simply just  _ far _ too tall for him, and gets in behind him. Hongjoong lights up when he turns in his seat and sees Seonghwa next to him, who shys away. Yeosang starts the engine, uttering a “You two never change” as he pulls out of the drive.

…..

Seonghwa can’t help but stare at the scenery that stretches out beyond his window. The late afternoon sun casts every cottage-like house and rolling lawn in a hue of gold, and Seonghwa is entranced by every bit of it. Two days ago he was in an apartment only slightly bigger than this  _ car,  _ and to suddenly have such copious amounts of space around him still seemed far too good to be  _ real.  _ When they arrive at the familiar blue house, Seonghwa is quick to hop out. Hongjoong does as well, but Yeosang makes no effort to move, instead he just rolls down his window “Be good you two, and Seonghwa  _ please  _ call if you need anything okay? Don’t be a stranger” Yeosang says, and Seonghwa could have laughed with the irony of his words….. _ Stranger.  _ Seonghwa nods. “You okay to get home from here, Hongjoong?” Yeosang turns his attention to the shorter boy, who flashes him a thumbs up. Yeosang smiles at them both before winding up the window, and the car is gone in seconds, kicking up dust as Yeosang reverses back onto the street and takes off down the road. Seonghwa and Hongjoong are left alone, and Hongjoong is once again  _ staring. _

“You wanna come inside?” Seonghwa asks, and it’s as if Hongjoong can see straight through his attempt at being polite “You don’t want me too, Hwa” He says, a soft smile on his face. Seonghwa lowers his head, rubbing the back of his neck “It’s not like-” Seonghwa goes to talk again, but Hongjoong takes a few steps forward, taking his flower crown off as he goes and smiling at his own feet. Seonghwa snaps his mouth shut as Hongjoong reaches up and places it on Seonghwa’s head “Don’t worry your pretty little head about it, Seonghwa….You’ve just been at your  _ mother's funeral,  _ and you always were the type to need time on your own” Hongjoong says, assuring him. Seonghwa nods, dropping his eyes as he wrings his hands together “Goodnight then, Seonghwa” Hongjoong whispers, and starts to walks backwards. Seonghwa looks up, every fibre of his being screaming at him to drag Hongjoong inside with him….for reasons which were totally unknown to him. “Goodnight, Hongjoong” He manages to call out, and Hongjoong flashes one last blinding smile before he turns and jogs down the driveway.

When Hongjoong leaves, he takes the sun with him.

….

Seonghwa let’s himself inside, pausing for a second as he leans against his door to just  _ process,  _ tossing the keys on the small entry table in front of him. The sun streams into the hallway, painting it in the same streams of gold as the scenery outside. He reaches up and pulls Hongjoong’s flower crown off of his head, inspecting it painfully carefully in his hands…... _ Hongjoong.  _ Seonghwa shakes his head, sighing as he pushes himself off of the door and down the hall, gently placing the flower crown in the middle of the entry table. He pauses, looking at where it sits for a moment…. _ It’s kinda sad sitting there.... _ Seonghwa let’s out a frustrated sigh, and picks it back up, placing it back on his head. He looks up, catching himself in the mirror mounted on the wall. His eyes blow wide….. _ Hold on a second, I look so young _ ….Seonghwa blinks hard, and when his eyes open…..his reflection has returned to normal. He steps back, shaking his head “Fuck, I  _ am _ exhausted” He chuckles to himself, rubbing his eyes and looking at how dainty he looks with Hongjoongs flowers nestled in his hair. 

Seonghwa takes off down the hall, veering into the kitchen and leaning against the counter. He sighs and fishes his phone out of his pocket - 5:16 - dropping it onto the counter as he leans his head on his hand.  _ Shit…..nine missed calls from Jongho, and twelve from Yunho….. _ Seonghwa unlocks the device and calls Yunho immediately, pressing the phone to his ears as he makes for the stairs, desperate to get out of his formal attire. Yunho answers after barely two rings "You  _ absolute fuck!  _ We thought you'd been murdered!" He shrieks into the phone, so loud that Seonghwa has to pull the phone slightly away from his ear as he rounds the corner into his room "I'm sorry, Yunho, I woke up a whole ten minutes before Mingi called me to say they were on their way, and I've only just walked in the door" 

Yunho whines " _Song_ _Mingi!_ The light of my goddamn life, how is he?" Yunho asks, and Seonghwa scoffs as he tries to pull his pants off with one hand while still standing "What the hell am I then, a roach? I'm the one who's just had my whole damn _life_ uprooted" Seonghwa jabs at him, and he can hear Jonho laugh in the background "Yeah yeah whatever Seonghwa, how is _Mingi?"_ Yunho presses again, and Seonghwa gives in "He's tall….And dramatic" Seonghwa teases, and Jongho barks with laughter in the background "So not a single thing has fucking changed then, brainless oaf!" He yells, and there's a small scuffle which Seonghwa can only assume is Yunho assaulting him. "He's _fine_ Yunho, they all….Miss you both" Seonghwa says, trying to fight the very _uneasy_ feeling he gets pretending his entire schooling life wasn't missing from his memory.

"Yeosang still a tight ass?" Jongho calls out from the background, and Yunho snaps back almost instantly "He is the only reason we didn't end up expelled from the  _ one  _ high school in town" he hisses, and Seonghwa laughs " _ Everyone  _ is fine, they're all…." Seonghwa's mind instantly conjures up a memory of Hongjoong from only minutes before, standing in Seonghwa's driveway smiling shyly with his hands behind his back like a nervous school girl asking out her crush, and he coughs to try and dispel the image " _ Great…. _ They're all great" he manages to choke out. Yunho hums "That's so good to hear…..How was the service?" He asks, and Seonghwa pauses halfway through unbuttoning his shirt.

_ An out of body experience…. _

"Uh….Fine, I guess? I mean it was my  _ mothers funeral"  _ Seonghwa mumbles "Yeah I mean….Of course, I'm sorry Seonghwa that was a  _ dumb  _ question-" Yunho starts to ramble causing Seonghwa to sigh "It was weird, everyone was staring at me like I had two heads the whole time" he groans, and Jongho speaks up again from the background "Well it's pretty damn rare for anyone to ever escape small town life, especially  _ there,  _ and we did…And now you're back looking a damn  _ boy band drop out-"  _ Jongho says, and Seonghwa cuts him off by groaning " _ Yes,  _ Jongho I am very aware I look like an alien" He sighs. Seonghwa grabs a t-shirt from his bag, an old ex-boyfriends which is  _ far _ too big on him. He yanks on a pair of black shorts which aren't even seen under the shirt and crawls up into his bed to sprawl out.

"Anyways! Guess what happened at work today-" Yunho says, then promptly launches into a full blown  _ rant.  _ Seonghwa pulls open his bedroom wardrobe, which is completely empty, and starts to unpack his clothes into it.  _ I'm gonna be here for a while, I don't need to be living out of suitcases.  _ They all talk as if Seonghwa was right there, in the room with them eating horrible take away as the city falls into darkness….and it's almost enough to ease the panic that has been pooling in Seonghwa's chest since the second he stepped onto that train. 

Night falls just as quickly in the countryside, and before Seonghwa even really notices it his phone screen is the only thing illuminating the room. Seonghwa is pulled from his sleepy haze when he hears  _ knocking.  _ He sits bolt upright in the darkness, and Yunho keeps yapping on the other end of the line. Seonghwa crawls down the mini set of stairs and out into the hall, flicking the light on.  _ Maybe I imagined it? No one could be knocking at this time of night when there isn't another house for probably a mile-  _

Someone knocks  _ again,  _ and Yunho clearly hears it this time as he pauses in his rant "Seonghwa? What the hell was that-" he asks, and Seonghwa whispers back "Someone is  _ knocking  _ on my front door" he squeaks, clearly terrified. "Relax, it's probably just San or Wooyoung playing a joke, you know how they are!" Jongho yells out

_ No I don't! I don't know shit! I don't fucking remember them! _

"We'll go okay? Call tomorrow-" Yunho chuckles, and Seonghwa pauses in his slow creep towards the stairs, standing dead still "Wait…..Can you please stay on the line until I can see the door? What if I get fucking axe murdered!" Seonghwa whisper-yells, and Jongho laughs in the background "I don't think an axe murder would stand at your door and  _ wait _ for you answer it you moron, have you never seen a movie in your life!" He berates, and Yunho hisses out a forceful " _ Jongho"  _ to shut him up, before addressing Seonghwa again "Yes Seonghwa, I'll stay on the line until you locate the axe murder who may or may not be the two  _ literal cabbage patch kids  _ that are Wooyoung and San" he drawls out, and Seonghwa continues to crawl towards the stairs.

He halts at the top, trying to bend down to see the window that was built into the door. Jongho, being the king of comedy that he is, sees that to be a fine moment to yell "Seonghwa! Behind you!" Into the phone. Seonghwa quite literally  _ screams,  _ slipping and falling the entire way down the stairs, landing in a heap at the bottom. Seonghwa's phone slides away, but he can still hear Yunho scolding Jongho for being a fucking  _ ass _ from where he lies on the ground. It all becomes white noise however when Seonghwa hears the door open. His head snaps up, his flower crown crookedly placed on his head from the fall, and sees  _ Hongjoong  _ in his doorway with pure panic in his eyes " _ Seonghwa!  _ Are you alright?" He asks, forehead furrowed with worry as he lets himself in and rushes towards Seonghwa.

Seonghwa reaches over and grabs his phone, growling "Fuck you  _ both"  _ before hanging up the call and pushing himself up to sit. Hongjoong drops down beside him, putting a small parcel down that Seonghwa hadn't even noticed him carrying and crouching in front of Seonghwa "What the  _ hell  _ was that, Hwa? Are you alright?" Hongjoong squeaks, tone dripping worry as he hovers his hands over Seonghwa where he still sits half-crumpled on the ground. Seonghwa shakes his head and waves him off "I'm okay Hongjoong, Jongho scared the shit out of me on the phone and I slipped-" he groans, and Hongjoong sighs. Reaching up to straighten his flower crown "There, fixed!" He chirps, and Seonghwas heart rate  _ doubles. _

"What are you doing here, Hongjoong? Are the others here as well?" Seonghwa asks, moving to sit up fully with Hongjoongs eyes following his every movement full of worry. He shakes his head "No no just me, I ended up at San's house and as I was leaving I realised….you probably didn't have any food here" Hongjoong says, and picks up the small package beside him to hold it up to Seonghwa "So I brought you some!"

Seonghwa can't help but smile as he takes it, and Hongjoong returns the smile ten fold. They both slowly get to their feet, and Seonghwa is once again punched directly in the heart when he's given the opportunity to fully look at Hongjoong - his track pants are so big they pool at his ankles, and his jumper so long they make his hands look like little paws. Seonghwa sucks in a breath…. _ This has to be a prank, right? He simply can't be real _

Hongjoong sighs and claps his hands together "Well! I'll go then, I don't wanna crowd you" Hongjoong says,  _ still  _ smiling, as he turns and basically skips towards the door. Seonghwa is in so much shock as he looks at the tiny  _ fairy- _ like boy retreating that he only manages to force himself to speak when Hongjoong is already halfway out the door "Thank you, Hongjoong!" He chokes out, and Hongjoong peers at him from around the door,  _ winks,  _ and leaves.

Once again, when he leaves Seonghwa's field of vision, the hallway seems to  _ dim. _

Seonghwa holds the little package to his chest, warm and wrapped in a pink handkerchief, and thinks that maybe…. _ maybe…. _ this move wasn't so bad after all. But only time will tell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come yell at me on twt! @_hanjisungie


	4. f o u r

Seonghwa was grateful to wake up at a more reasonable hour this morning, compared to the previous day.

Seonghwa could see morning light peering in from around his curtain, but due to the issue with his phone and the temperamental nature of it's clock he couldn't pinpoint the exact time, but guessed it to be around eight or nine in the morning. He drags himself up into a sitting position and arches his back, with every second away from the comfort of his new and quite frankly giant bed seeming like a milenia. Reluctantly, Seonghwa swings his legs over the side of the bed, yawning as he pushes himself up and off of the mattress. Seonghwa is halfway down the small set of stairs when he hears vibrating, and turns to see his phone ringing where it lays beside his bed. He crouches down and picks it up, smiling softly when he reads '♡Jongho - Calling' on the screen.

Seonghwa answers and presses the phone to his ear, walking down the hall wearing only a t-shirt and boxers and revelling at how soft the worn hardwood feels under his bare feet. "Good morning, sunshine" Jongho sighs into the phone, making Seonghwa giggle as he walks down the main staircase "Aren't you at work, dumbass?" He asks as he enters the kitchen, walking immediately to the main island and leaning against it. "I sure am, bored out of my  _ fucking  _ mind" he groans, making Seonghwa sigh "You're gonna get fired for dodging work one day" Seonghwa says, crossing his free arm across his body "And then I'd have to come and live in the countryside with you and do nothing except laze around all day, how  _ horrible"  _ he teases, and Seonghwa rolls his eyes.

"How's Yunho?" Seonghwa asks, and hears Jongho sigh on the other end of the line "He misses you a lot, and he's worried you'll die of hunger or I don't know get the  _ plague  _ or some shit...I've tried convincing him our friends would never let that happen to you but he doesn't believe me" Jongho mumbles, Seonghwa pushes himself off of the bench and begins to aimlessly wander around the house, ending up in the small study "Just….Look out for him for me, okay?" Seonghwa says softly, and Jongho hums in response "Of course" he mumbles, making Seonghwa smile.

"Anyway, I should probably at least  _ pretend  _ to be working, I'll let you go yeah?" Jongho says, and Seonghwa is so caught up running his fingers along the spines of the ancient books in the study that he doesn’t even realise Jongho had spoken again " _ Hello? _ Seonghwa?" He calls out, making Seonghwa snap back to reality "Yeah yeah of course, I'm sure Yunho will call me later" he rushes out, and Jongho laughs "I pray for your ears, have a good day, Seonghwa" he says, and Seonghwa can hear the smile in his voice "You too, talk later"

_ Click _

The line goes dead, and Seonghwa puts his phone down on the desk beside him as he continues to inspect the books in front of him. They look incredibly  _ old  _ but obviously well looked after, and Seonghwa can't bring himself to even pull one out in fear of damaging it. Seonghwa pulls himself away, backing out of the room and back towards the kitchen, he opens the fridge and sees a whole lot of  _ nothing  _ inside, and his stomach growls at the blank image. He turns and sees Hongjoongs container on the bench, and his cheeks warm at the memory of the tiny boy in such  _ huge  _ clothes bursting in the night before to make sure Seonghwa was fed. He sighs, walking back to the office to pick up his phone where he had abandoned it. 

Seonghwa had loaded all of the numbers Yeosang had left him into his phone, but he feels nothing but anxiety as his fingers hover over the five names….he eventually settles on Yeosang himself, and presses the small icon beside his name to text him.

**_Seonghwa:_ ** _ Yeosang! dumb question but could you take me grocery shopping today pretty please??? I have nothing to eat at allllll haha _

_ Its Seonghwa btw ♡ _

He lets out a long breath after hitting send, as if he'd run a marathon  _ not  _ simply gotten over his anxiety just enough to send a fucking  _ text.  _ His phone vibrates as Yeosang texts back

**_Yeosang_ ** _ : Good morning!  _

_ Of course Seonghwa ♡ Hongjoong wanted to have a bonfire for you tonight and we need stuff for it, so I'll pick you up before we go shopping, I'll text you when we're leaving x _

Seonghwas heart skips a beat….. _ A bonfire, for me?  _ Yeosang texts again almost immediately, and Seonghwas blush only worsens as he reads it

**_Yeosang_ ** _ : Shit! That was meant to be a surprise! _

Seonghwa laughs softly to himself, texting back as he smiles to himself

**_Seonghwa:_ ** _ Dw, I'll act surprised for him haha _

Yeosang texts back only a string of hearts, and Seonghwa shakes his head before discarding his phone on the kitchen bench. It's only then that he notices there is a door beside the kitchen, which seemingly leads to outside, and Seonghwa instantly rushes over to it with wide eyes. He pulls it open and sure enough finds himself on a small back porch, which he steps out onto. He can see the same shed as he saw from the road yesterday, and he instantly goes to walk towards it before thankfully realising he was basically  _ naked.  _ Seonghwa gasps and stumbles towards the door, scurrying back inside and shutting the door gently behind him. 

He quickly rushes up stairs and back into his room, pulling open his freshly loaded cupboard and pulling out a pair of black jeans and a soft and loose cotton button up, light blue with thin white stripes. He gathers his  _ own  _ soap and products and lugs it all into the guest bathroom, stacking them alongside what he assumes is his mother's things….Not having the heart to take them down. He sighs as his heart becomes heavy at the thought of the mother missing from his memory, and his eyes instantly go to the door of the master bedroom….. _ I'm gonna have to go in there at some point. _

Seonghwa sighs and pushes the bathroom door shut…. _ Out of sight out of mind.  _ He strips quickly, laying his sleeping shirt over the edge of the adjacent free-standing bath and stepping into the shower. The water takes  _ years  _ to warm up but when it finally does it feels heavenly on his skin, and he lies flat against the tiled back wall with his eyes shut and just  _ soaks  _ for far too long. He tries to not allow his thoughts to slip away from him, but when he's alone with nothing but the sound of water rushing it's hard to resist it…..He mentally catalogues the five members of his small town friend group, going over their names over and over as if it may trigger something in his mind and open a door he knows is closed.

_ Yeosang, San, Wooyoung, Mingi…..and Hongjoong  _

He sucks in a breath at the last name, the name belonging to the face that had not once left his brain since the moment he stepped into Seonghwa’s line of sight….. _ Hongjoong.  _ Seonghwa feels warmth bloom in his chest, and he instantly pushes himself off of the wall and quickly starts to actually wash himself to try and rid himself of all thoughts of the fairy boy even if it was only for a few minutes. As soon as he's done he pushes his wet hair out of his face and clambers out of the shower, grabbing a towel and rubbing it over his head a few times before drying himself. He dresses quickly and leaves the bathroom, continuing to towel dry his hair as he walks towards his room.

He dumps the towel in the hamper beside the door, and is halfway through pulling on a pair of socks when he hears  _ something,  _ that sounds a whole lot like a door opening and closing _.  _ Seonghwa pauses, listening closely for a moment to make sure no more noise follows it, and when it doesn’t he sighs…. _ must have imagined it.  _ Seonghwa finishes pulling on his socks, and shoves his feet into a pair of very worn black and white converse before making his way down the stairs. Seonghwa doesn't even hesitate as he makes for the back door, but falters when something catches his eye in the kitchen. He pauses and turns, noticing a cupboard is now open…..He cocks his head and slowly walks forwards to inspect it, the cupboard is full of canned food, and Seonghwa shakes his head before shutting it and walking back towards the back door…. _ Strange. _

Seonghwa shuts the back door behind him, and steps down the back steps and into the calf-high grass. Seonghwa can't help but stare with wide eyes at what he can hardly believe is  _ his  _ backyard. It has to be easily the biggest wide open space he could ever remember seeing, with only the large tree and the shed breaking the long stretch of  _ nothing.  _ Seonghwa smiles to himself, and begins to walk towards the shed, feeling the yellow grass brush against his calves through his pants. As he gets closer and closer to the small tin building, he begins to notice a few things…..like a small cast-iron table and chair…..and what looks like the remnants of a fireplace. Seonghwa pauses to inspect, becoming more and more confused as he looks around…. _ This doesn't seem like the nicest place for a fire, why so far from the house?  _ He ponders to himself as he slows to a hesitant walk.

Seonghwa comes to a complete stop, when he sees the side door to the shed suddenly open, and  _ someone  _ steps out. Seonghwa is so shocked at the sight of this apparent human being  _ in his shed _ that he doesn't even recognise his familiar figure until he turns around " _ Hongjoong?!"  _ Seonghwa yelps, and Hongjoongs eyes widen. He instantly steps towards Seonghwa with his arms out "Seonghwa! I can explain-" He rushes out, high pitched and breathy, Seonghwas mouth falls open "What are you  _ doing,  _ Hongjoong?" Seonghwa rushes out, looking between him and the shed behind him. "I….I can...Uh-" the boy stammers out, and Seonghwa rushes forwards and straight past him, into the shed "Seonghwa  _ please-"  _ Hongjoong whines, and the sound makes Seonghwas heart clench very much against his will.

Inside the shed is a  _ bed,  _ an actual bed with a frame and and a mattress along with a desk and a shelf. Seonghwas eyes fly around the dark and sad looking makeshift room, and he whips around to look at Hongjoong with his eyes now impossibly wider "Are you  _ living  _ in my shed?!" Seonghwa yells, and Hongjoong drops his head, rubbing the back of his neck. "Seonghwa…" he mumbles, a small and broken sound that instantly makes Seonghwa feel bad for raising his voice at him. Seonghwa sighs and steps towards him, lowering his head ever so slighting to speak to him "I'm  _ sorry,  _ I didn't mean to yell….I'm just,  _ very _ confused" Seonghwa speaks softly, and Hongjoong slowly raises his head "Let me explain, please?" Hongjoong says, and Seonghwa is quick to nod at him. 

_ He looks so small when he's not smiling….and I hate it  _

Hongjoong lifts his head, crossing his arms across his chest and looking off into the distance "Before…..Before your mother died, I was living with her" Hongjoong mumbles, and Seonghwa snaps his mouth shut for a moment before choking out a "W-What? Why?" Seonghwa asks, trying to be gentle with his words. Hongjoong still doesn't look at him, and his voice sounds thick when he talks "I was kicked out of home, Hwa" he says, and Seonghwa draws back as if he's been burned "By your parents? Why?" He asks, completely baffled at the notion of someone  _ not wanting Hongjoong around.  _ Hongjoong smiles weakly at him "Why do you think, Seonghwa? Why do parents kick out their sons in small towns?" he says, sounding only moments away from tears. Seonghwa cocks his head and leans ever so slightly forwards "I told them….I was gay" Hongjoong breathes out, dropping his eyes to the floor at the same time Seonghwa gasps. 

Seonghwa takes a step towards him " _ Hongjoong…. _ I'm so-" Seonghwa starts to apologise, but Hongjoong shakes his head and laughs weekly, clearly trying to put up a brave front. "It's okay! It worked out for the best, I needed somewhere to go and your mum needed…. _ Help,  _ she was getting worse and couldn't do things like clean or cook anymore….So she took me in and I helped out" Hongjoong rambles, and Seonghwa does nothing but stand there and blink for a few seconds. He's overwhelmed with  _ guilt,  _ his mother was so sick she couldn't even cook? And he was so far away….completely unaware. His shame must show on his face, because Hongjoong speaks up "Don't feel bad, Hwa….It was her choice, she never wanted you to know she was sick, she didn't want you to remember her….like that" 

_ I barely remember her at all _

Seonghwa shakes his head, looking away for a moment "And she made you sleep in the  _ shed?  _ Aren't you cold-" Seonghwa says, and Hongjoong shakes his head laughing once more "No silly, I slept in your room" he says, and Seonghwa ignores the butterflies in his chest as thinks of  _ tiny  _ Hongjoong in the bed too big even for Seonghwa. Seonghwa cocks his head "So what was your plan then? Let me move back in, say  _ nothing,  _ and live in the shed forever hoping I don't notice? At least before you  _ freeze  _ to death?" Seonghwa rambles on, and Hongjoong blushes with his own embarrassment "Yes?" He says, smiling  _ still.  _ Seonghwa throws his head back, rubbing his face with his hand " _ Christ,  _ Hongjoong!" He groans, and the boy starts to wave his arms around as he talks "Look! I didn't wanna crowd you, okay? I knew you were gonna be overwhelmed and stressed with the funeral and moving and everything and I didn't want to stress you out anymore by bouncing around in  _ your  _ home-" he rambles 

Seonghwa looks at him with serious eyes "Do the others know about this, Hongjoong?  _ Any  _ of it?" He asks, and Hongjoong sighs yet again " _ No,  _ it was your mother and I's secret….I didn't want to stress anyone out, especially Yeosang" Hongjoong mumbles, and Seonghwa wants nothing other than to run over and shake some sense into him. Seonghwa remembers then, the sound he heard this morning and the open cupboard "Did you  _ sneak inside  _ this morning?" He asks, crossing his arms and Hongjoong smiles awkwardly yet  _ impossibly _ adorably again "Yes? I was so  _ hungry-"  _ he whines and Seonghwa full on  _ yells  _ at the sky. "You  _ can't  _ live in my shed, Hongjoong!" He yells

_ Silence  _

Seonghwa mulls in his own frustration for a few moments before looking back down at Hongjoong, who seems to be curling in on himself "You're right….Just, give me a few days? I'll figure something out, somewhere to go-" Hongjoong mutters, small and helpless and Seonghwas eyes widen " _ No _ dumbass, I didn't mean you need to  _ leave  _ I mean you need to live  _ in the fucking house"  _ Seonghwa groans, even as the words come out of his mouth he feels heat in his cheeks -  _ living with Hongjoong. _

Hongjoongs eyes widen again, and a small smile returns "Really? Seonghwa I mean it, I don't want to crowd you I really can find somewhere else-" Hongjoong starts to ramble again, and Seonghwa shakes his head at him "No no no, you're staying  _ here!  _ It's the least I can do for you….You took care of my mother for me, you stay here" Seonghwa says forcefully, emotion eating into his tone. Hongjoong smiles, and nods quickly "Okay….thank you, Seonghwa'' he says softly and Seonghwa waves him off "Get your stuff and come inside,  _ please"  _ he basically begs, and Hongjoong eyes light up.

Seonghwa starts to walk back towards the house, now very aware he is blushing  _ furiously.  _ He calls over his shoulder at Hongjoong "Hurry up, Hongjoong! Yeosang is coming to get us to get groceries soon!" He yells as he goes, and Hongjoong flashes him a thumbs up.

_ What the hell have I gotten myself into now?  _

Seonghwa stands in the kitchen looking firmly at the floor as Hongjoong stumbles inside, with only one bag in hand and sheets over his arm. He smiles and Seonghwas heart melts "So, what's the plan?" He says awkwardly and Seonghwa sighs "I um…Don't exactly want to sleep in my mums room…" Seonghwa mumbles out, and Hongjoong laughs softly "Neither do I, that's okay! There's a sunbed in your room, right?" Hongjoong says cheerfully and heads for the stairs. Seonghwa splutters and follows close behind "You want to sleep in there with  _ me?"  _ He says, following closely behind "Yeah! I don't mind" Hongjoong chirps, clearly not noticing Seonghwa’s panic as they walk into his room.

Hongjoong gently puts his bag down, and spreads his blanket over the sunbed that lines the bottom of the window before jumping up onto it and lying down…..Seonghwa is  _ floored  _ that he even fits comfortably. "See! Tons of room!" He laughs as he lies back with his head on the pillow, throwing his arms out beside him and sighing. Seonghwa stands there blinking once again, not being able to look away from the pocket of sunshine spread out in front of him. Hongjoong turns his head on the pillow to look at him, laughing softly " _ Hi _ , Seonghwa'' he giggles, and Seonghwa physically has to look away so that he doesn't pass out.

"You better not snore" he groans, and Hongjoong laughs as he sits up "You know I don't!" He whines, and Seonghwa shakes his head, not being able to keep the smile off of his face.

_ Maybe some company won't be so bad after all? _

….

Yeosang arrives in the early afternoon, bringing Mingi with him in the painfully loud red truck. Hongjoong was out of the door in seconds, yelling "They're here!" Up the stairs at Seonghwa. Seonghwa startles, almost dropping his book as he stumbles and then stands up from his bed. Hongjoong had spent most of the day downstairs….and Seonghwa had spent most of the day in  _ their  _ room hiding from him. Seonghwa quickly shoves his feet into his shoes again, shoving his wallet in one pocket and his wallet in the other as he skips down the stairs.

Seonghwa grabs the keys off of the entry bench and walks out of the front door which Hongjoong had left wide open. Seonghwa shuts it gently behind him and locks it, walking down the stairs towards the truck. Mingi hangs out of the front passenger window and waives "Good afternoon, Seonghwa!" He says, and Seonghwa can't resist the urge to ruffle his hair as he passes him to get into the back seat behind him. Mingi squeaks at the motion, and Seonghwa can hear Yeosang laugh "Hello, you two" he says softly as he climbs into the car beside Hongjoong. 

Yeosang turns and smiles at him before pulling out of the driveway and heading back towards town. Hongjoong and Mingi immediately launch into a loud and very fast conversation which Seonghwa doesn't even  _ try  _ to keep up with, instead stares out the window and watches the countryside fly by. They're back in town within a number of minutes, and Yeosang turns down one street then almost immediately again before finally pulling up at a rather large carpark…..The grocery store is bigger than he honestly expected it to be, but still  _ far  _ smaller than any he had been too in the city. They all jump out of the car, and Hongjoong instantly loops his pinky with Seonghwas who jumps at the motion "Don't want you to wander off and get lost" he says, incredibly cheeky and followed by a wink as he towes Seonghwa forwards.

Yeosang walks on the other side of Hongjoong and Mingi flags down Seonghwa, walking on the other side of him and throwing his arm over his shoulder with such force that it almost knocks him over. "How was your night, Seonghwa?" Yeosang asks as they step inside, instantly hit in the face by a wave of cold air. "Good, spoke to Yunho and Jongho for a long time….Then Hongjoong was kind enough to bring me some food" he chuckles, and Hongjoong bumps him with his shoulder. Yeosang laughs "How did it take you  _ two days  _ to let anyone know you didn't have any food?" Mingi teases him, and Seonghwa sighs "I am just a  _ special _ breed of stupid, it seems" He sighs.

"Right, go nuts kids" Yeosang says and it's as if Hongjoong and Mingi were  _ waiting  _ for the green light. They both detach themselves from Seonghwa in an instant and take off into the shop, leaving Seonghwa feeling suddenly very exposed. Yeosang stands next to him, and they walk together "Let them entertain themselves, let's get you some food, hmm?" He says, and Seonghwa nods as he follows along. 

…..

They pass by Seonghwas house quickly after shopping, and Mingi helps him rush his own groceries inside and unpack them before they pile into the truck yet again and speed down the road, and Seonghwa can only assume they're headed back towards Mingi's home which seems to always be the meeting spot. Seonghwa feels incredibly at  _ ease  _ when they're all together, their laughter so loud and conversation so fast that it's impossible for Seonghwa to retreat into his head and get lost in his own thoughts.

He could almost convince himself everything was  _ fine,  _ that he'd just met these people and they just instantly clicked….Not the reality that Seonghwa was very much missing  _ something.  _ San and Wooyoung help Yeosang with the groceries after both excitably greeting Seonghwa. Mingi and Hongjoong rush at him as soon as Wooyoung has detached himself, and instruct him to shut his eyes.

_ Here we go….the 'surprise' _

Seonghwa shuts his eyes and feels Mingis giant hands take both of his own, towing him forwards as Hongjoong giggles beside him. They lead him through the house and seemingly outside before Mingi removes his hands and Hongjoong yells "Open!". Seonghwa opens his eyes and sees a bonfire set up in the middle of the lawn, not alight yet but surrounded by six individual blankets on the ground surrounded by pillows. Seonghwa smiles and looks between them " _ Wow  _ guys, thank you!" He says, trying to sound genuinely surprised. Hongjoong looks proudly down at their little set up "Pretty cute, right? Now the sun just needs to hurry the hell up and set" He groans, pointing at where the sun has only just started to dip below the horizon.

"All of you! Get in here and  _ help!"  _ Yeosang calls out from inside, and Hongjoong and Mingi instantly turn and flee towards the kitchen. Seonghwa sighs, looking down at the small set up  _ just for him.  _ He smiles, and turns to follow them back inside. Seonghwa tries to step into the kitchen and look for something to do to help, but Yeosang waves him off "No no this is your welcome home dinner, you sit over there and wait!" He yells, and Seonghwa jumps back, raising his arms in a surrender as he walks backwards and drops himself onto the edge of the couch.

Yeosang is the captain of this ship, that much is clear, and he calmly and efficiently delegates roles to each of his little team with practiced ease. Seonghwa watches with a small smile, occasionally locking eyes with one of them and waving or flashing them a thumbs up. They're a well oiled machine, and Seonghwa can't help but think….. _ I used to be a part of this.  _ "Seonghwa, go with San and get the fire started, will you? Or shall I say  _ supervise _ him" Yeosang calls out and drags Seonghwa back to reality. He nods and stands, following San as he bursts outside. Seonghwa skips down stairs behind him. It's essentially pitch black outside now, but it takes only seconds before Seonghwa sees San light a match and throws it into the fire, lighting a small fire. He does this with a few matches, humming lightly to himself as the wood slowly catches fire. "San" Seonghwa calls out, and the boy whips his head in his direction, half of his face painted orange in the light from the flames "Yeah?" He asks, turning back to the fire. Seonghwa steps down beside him, sighing "Does Hongjoong ever talk to you about his…..Problems, like how he is?" Seonghwa asks and San chuckles "Been here two days and you're already worried about Hongjoongs mental health? You really haven't changed" San chuckles, and Seonghwa is about to press for an answer again when the door bursts open and the remainder of the group spill out into the night.

They each carry a plate of food, with Wooyoung and Hongjoong carrying two. San runs over and instantly takes a plate off of Wooyoung, leaning forwards and kissing him on the cheek making the other boy smile impossibly brightly. Seonghwas eyes widen…. _ Hold on, what- _

His thoughts are cut off when everyone starts to take a seat in their respective blanket piles in the grass, and Hongjoong calls out to Seonghwa "Come here, pretty boy! I saved a spot for you!" He calls out and Seonghwa hopes the light of the fire isn't bright enough that Hongjoong can see him blush at his expense yet again. He walks over and sits down beside Hongjoong, in between him and Wooyoung. Hongjoong passes him his plate and Seonghwa nods as a thanks, and they all start to eat. As always their conversation is loud and full of laughter, and Seonghwa is perfectly happy to sit there and  _ listen,  _ soak up every drop of their conversation in a desperate hope that it teaches him something about them. They talk for what could be  _ hours,  _ joking and laughing and occasionally dragging Seonghwa into their silly games.

It happens slowly, but Seonghwa begins to retreat into himself, and the dark corners of his mind seem to envelope him more and more as he's overwhelmed by the magnetism of the boys around him…..All he wants is to  _ remember them  _

Seonghwa doesn't realise he's completely spaced out, looking from one smiling face to the next as they laugh amongst each other and desperately searching his memory for any trace of them.  _ I  _ **_know_ ** _ I know them….where are they…..where are they….. _ he also seemingly doesn't realise he's started silently  _ crying  _ until Hongjoong is in front of him and cradling his face " _ Seonghwa"  _ he breathes out in the same way he always calls out for him, and it only causes more tears to spill. Seonghwa is dragged back to reality, and the five very concerned pairs of eyes currently on him in the dark. He instantly panics, desperately searching around his head for some kind of believable excuse as to why he had suddenly started crying. But Hongjoong doesn't give him the opportunity, and takes Seonghwa wrist in his tiny hand and pulls him off of the ground, up the stairs and inside the house.

As soon as they're inside, Seonghwa instantly grabs onto the wall, feeling  _ immediately  _ overwhelmed by his own emotions. Hongjoong is right there yet again, pushing Seonghwa so he's flat against the wall and cupping his face "Angel, what's happening?" He whispers, so  _ kind  _ that it makes Seonghwa's already fragile heart ache. He shakes his head and feels another wave of tears coming, he covers his mouth to muffle his sobbing and Hongjoong seems to crumple in front of him. "Hey, I'm right here,  _ Hwa"  _ he coos

_ Hongjoong, I want to remember you more than anything  _

Another broken sob escapes his mouth, and Hongjoong is quick to try and wipe his tears away "I've got you, my darling Seonghwa, you're okay just  _ breathe"  _ Hongjoong says, and Seonghwa does his best to comply. Hongjoong looks only seconds away from crying himself, which breaks Seonghwa more than he would ever admit "Tell me what's wrong, Seonghwa, so I can make it better" he says, so small and desperate that Seonghwas body moves on its own accord. He leans down and wraps his arms around his waist, tugging them together so fast that Hongjoong lets out the tiniest little " _ Ah!"  _ Sound as he wraps his arms around Seonghwa. Seonghwa breaths him in, flowery scented and so  _ familiar,  _ and Hongjoong only squeezes him tighter. "I'm sorry Hongjoong, I just got randomly  _ really  _ overwhelmed-" Seonghwa mumbles into his shoulder, and Hongjoong pulls back to cup his face again "It's okay, I've got you" he shushes him, and Seonghwa instantly feels calmer.

_ Come back to me, Hongjoong…..you were so special to me, so precious, how could I have forgotten you? _

"I'm surprised you managed to last this long without crying anyway, Seonghwa….Always the cry baby" Hongjoong teases, clearly trying to cheer him up. Seonghwa laughs wetly, shaking his head and trying to look away, but Hongjoong doesn't let him retreat. "You wanna go home?" Hongjoong asks, and Seonghwa sighs, shrugging. "I don't  _ know  _ I just got really overwhelmed but I feel so  _ bad _ you guys did this for me-" Seonghwa starts to ramble between sobs and Hongjoong wipes his thumbs over his cheeks again. "Stay here okay, I'll go tell everyone you're feeling a bit overwhelmed and wanna go home, they'll understand Hwa, they  _ love  _ you" Hongjoong says softly, smiling in the dark.

It feels like a punch in the gut, and Seonghwa nods slowly. Hongjoong hesitantly pulls away, making his way towards the door walking backwards, not taking his eyes off of Seonghwa until he absolutely has too. When he's gone, back outside to cover for Seonghwa while he cries like a child for reasons he doesn't even know…Seonghwa reaches his hand up and clutches his shirt over his heart, trying not to fall to the floor under the weight of his own pain.

He screams at his own mind, at the gaps in his memory….. _ Please, give my friends back to me, I can't take much more of this  _

  
  



	5. f i v e

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is THE most self indulgent thing I've ever written, enjoy!

Yeosang drops them home, after an extremely painful and almost silent car-ride. Seonghwa keeps his head down and his eyes screwed shut the entire time, and can feel Hongjoong staring at him with nothing but concern in his wide eyes which is only making Seonghwa feel smaller. When they pull up in Seonghwa’s driveway, Yeosang puts the truck in park and instantly turns around to also stare at Seonghwa, who regrettably looks up at him “Hwa, what’s going on?” He asks, small and soft, and it makes Seonghwa wince yet again. Hongjoong gasps and goes to reach for Seonghwa, but Seonghwa is faster to pull away. Seonghwa doesn’t have to look at Hongjoong to know the hurt that must show on his face, as it is showing clearly enough on Yeosang’s. Yeosang sighs, and Hongjoong draws his hand back. Seonghwa swallows a wave of tears and forces himself to speak “I’m alright, really” He chokes out

_ I just don’t remember any of you….And I have no clue why, and I'm starting to get really terrified that I may be actually going insane  _

Yeosangs face drops, and he turns back to grip the wheel “Rest up, Seonghwa” He mutters, and Seonghwa can instantly tell he is keeping the end of that sentence to himself. Hongjoong reaches over again and tugs on the edge of Seonghwa’s sleeve “Let’s go inside, yeah?” He asks, and Seonghwa simply nods….Not being able to bring himself to even look at Hongjoong. Yeosang nods, and they both turn to get out of their respective doors “If you need a ride home, Hongjoong….Just call me” Yeosang mumbles, and Hongjoong reaches past the headrest to pat his shoulder as he gets out. Seonghwa almost misses it, but just catches Yeosang calling out a quiet “Take care of him,  _ please,  _ I can’t even imagine how overwhelmed he is” Yeosang says to Hongjoong, who smiles softly at him as he nods. Seonghwa makes for the porch, feeling another wave of tears threatening to spill. He fumbles with the keys, his shaky hands making it impossible to slide it into the lock. Yeosang turns the car back on behind him, and the groaning of the engine partnered with the bright light of the headlights flooding his peripheral vision makes him startle and the keys slip out of his hands. 

Seonghwa lets out a broken sound, small and breathy, and bends on shaky legs to try and pick them up. Hongjoong is beside him in an instant, bending down and grabbing the keys, standing up in time with Seonghwa who stumbles back away from him. Seonghwa is forced to look at him this time, and almost chokes as he sees nothing but  _ anguish  _ painted across the delicate and hauntingly familiar face of the stranger in front of him. “I could have got it” He mumbles, and Hongjoong slides the key into the lock “Stop it, Hwa” He says, shaking his head with a small and sad smile before motioning for Seonghwa to head in before him. Seonghwa sighs and follows his directions, dragging himself inside and down the dark hall, painted in streaks of silvery light from the moonlight pouring in from every window. Seonghwa makes for the stairs straight away, taking them two at a time to barrel towards his room. Seonghwa can hear Hongjoong shut the door, and the patting of his feet on the hardwood floor. Seonghwa looks at his own door, and instantly winces….Thinking of Hongjoong’s little makeshift bed. He turns and throws his mother’s door open and steps inside “Seonghwa!” Hongjoong calls out, but it fades to white noise when Seonghwa takes in the room.

It’s only marginally bigger than his own, with a bed in one corner...Made perfectly with burgundy sheets and three rows of shelves full of books above the headboard. Seonghwa turns and sees a small living room space in the opposite corner, with a small dusty pink couch and another bookshelf next to a window that matches Seonghwa’s own. He walks forwards, in a daze as he takes in the space. He hears the door open again, and Hongjoong enter “Seonghwa what are you-” He starts to talk, but cuts himself off. Seonghwa doesn’t turn to look at him, and instead walks towards the shelf in the corner, his eyes barely open as he drags himself forwards, and Hongjoong remains frozen in the doorway. When Seonghwa reaches the shelf, his eyes instantly go to the middle shelf….Which is full of pictures in frames of all sizes and shapes, large and small and slightly faded from the sun that shone on them all day. Seonghwa scans down the line of pictures….The first one being a small boy on a swing, a toddler with a beaming smile…. _ Me.  _ Seonghwa smiles to himself, and moves along to the next picture. He sees himself in a school uniform, white and dark blue with yellow trim….Looking barely thirteen, with a smiling woman hugging him from behind. Seonghwa’s heart clenches in his hollow chest, and he shifts his eyes down the line again. The next is what he assumes to be his high school graduation….Another monumental day in his short life that was like a blank page in his memory….His mother is clutching him in the centre of the frame, and Seonghwa has one hand in the air waving his graduation cap. On one side of him is Yeosang and Mingi, and the other is San and Wooyoung...and Seonghwa can’t help but choke out a wet laugh as he looks at the smiling faces of his friends, glowing with youth.

The moment of happiness is short lived, and his face falls as he instantly tries to recall the day captured in the frame…..And falls short yet again. Seonghwa puts the frame down, and moves onto the final one on the shelf….The largest and right in front of the armchair, glowing in the moonlight. He gasps when he takes in the image….It’s him….With a cherry-headed Hongjoong on his back, clutching Seonghwa and clearly howling with laughter. Seonghwa is so enamoured with the image in front of him that he doesn’t hear Hongjoong walk up beside him, and it’s not until his small hands interrupt the stream of moonlight illuminating the frame to pick it up off of the shelf, that Seonghwa even notices him. Seonghwa whips his head towards Hongjoong as he looks down at the frame, running his fingers over where Seonghwa holds him, frozen in a time Seonghwa has no recollection of….And smiles to himself. He looks so vulnerable that Seonghwa feels as if he’s intruding on something incredibly private, and almost turns away when Hongjoong speaks up “Look at us, huh? So  _ young”  _ Hongjoong chuckles, and looks up at Seonghwa with stardust in his eyes. Seonghwa is quick to nod “When was this? The summer before senior year?  _ God,  _ what I wouldn’t give to have that summer back” Hongjoong sighs, looking back down at the frame. Seonghwa swallows “Yeah, me too” He sighs….. _ What I wouldn’t give.  _

Hongjoong puts the frame down, and skims his fingers along the shelf until he reaches the one of Seonghwa and his mother, and gasps when he picks it up. Seonghwa doesn’t look at the frame, only the way Hongjoong seems to bring the sun back to the dim room with the way he smiles down at it. “ _ Hwa,  _ you’re so cute!” He chirps, and Seonghwa can’t help but look down at the picture as Hongjoong gushes. Seonghwa takes it from his hands, looking over the image again, feeling his heart ache. Hongjoong takes a side step towards Seonghwa, looking down at how he traces the silhouette of his mother. “She would be so  _ proud  _ of you, Seonghwa” Hongjoong sighs, and Seonghwa lets out a broken choke “Bullshit….I abandoned her, fled to the city to work a job I hate and never looked back, never aimed for anything  _ more _ , i’ve not achieved anything in my entire life” Seonghwa mumbles, and Hongjoong bumps him with his shoulder “Don’t you dare sell yourself short, I won’t allow it” He says, and Seonghwa chuckles as he stares down at the floor, shaking his head “She would be proud of you, Seonghwa, no matter what you did or where you went….She was always proud of you” Hongjoong adds, and slides his hand down to loop his pinky with Seonghwas yet again. 

Seonghwa curls his finger around Hongjoong's tiny one, not allowing himself to feel guilty for latching onto the small comfort. Hongjoong takes the picture from Seonghwas other hand, and places it back ever so gently on the shelf before taking a step towards the door, tugging Seonghwa with him. “Hwa, c’mon...You’re just going to make yourself upset standing here” Hongjoong sighs, but Seonghwa doesn’t allow himself to be pulled, and stays with his eyes trained on his mothers profile behind the thin sheet of glass “What was it….Her sickness?” He asks, and Hongjoong is silent for a moment before speaking barely above a whisper “Dementia” He murmurs, and Seonghwa almost  _ laughs  _ at the motion that maybe his mother had also forgotten  _ him.  _ The fact that he even thought such a thing is enough to make a silent tear stream down his cheek. “How long….Did she have it?” He asks, and Hongjoong shakes his head “Seonghwa she didn’t want you to know-” He sighs and Seonghwa turns to look at the sunshine boy with far too much fire in his eyes “Tell me, Hongjoong, I  _ need  _ to know!” He snaps, and Hongjoong withdraws, his pinky sliding away “Please don’t shout at me, Hwa” He chokes out, his delicate and perfectly curled eyelashes fluttering against his cheek as he clearly fights away tears. Seonghwa sighs, and steps towards him “I’m  _ sorry,  _ Hongjoong, I didn’t mean too-” Seonghwa says as softly as he can, hoping he is being gentle enough “Please not tonight, okay? I can’t bear to see you cry again” Hongjoong says, and Seonghwa regretfully nods. “I’ll tell you everything, whatever you need to know to bring you closure….But I lost someone dear to me as well, okay? Give me time” Hongjoong adds.

Seonghwa feels the pain in every word, and nods as Hongjoongs eyes only grow more and more glassy. Hongjoong turns and makes for the door “Let’s sleep, yeah?” he says, and Seonghwa follows closely behind. He shuts his mother's door as gently as he can, and when he turns around Hongjoong is out of sight. Seonghwa walks across the hall into his own room, seeing Hongjoong reaching down into his bag and rustling around. Seonghwa loiters behind him, looking on with anxiety pooling in his chest yet again “Hongjoong….Do you have any clothes?” He asks, and Hongjoong sighs “I left most of them in the shed, I didn’t even think-” he mumbles, and Seonghwa can’t help but frown at how small and dim he sounds as he speaks…Seonghwa turns and quickly opens his own wardrobe, pulling out the first comfortable t-shirt he lays his hands on, and his softest and favourite pair of sweats. He turns around and holds them out to Hongjoong “Here” He says, trying his hardest to smile…..Hongjoong smiles back at him, and it knocks the wind out of him. Hongjoong takes the clothes in his small hands, running his hand over them as if he’s never felt clothes before. Seonghwa has to look away before his heart bursts out of his chest, and grabs a shirt and a pair of loose shorts for himself. Seonghwa turns and sees Hongjoong making for the door, his toothbrush in hand, and the image alone is enough to make Seonghwa smile. As soon as Hongjoong is out of the door, Seonghwa changes quickly, dumping his clothes into the hamper and crawling back up the stairs into his own bed. 

He crawls under the covers, pulling them up to his chin and turning over….Where his eyes instantly find the picture of Hongjoong right beside his bed. Seonghwa hears Hongjoong re-enter the room and walk towards his little makeshift bed, followed by the rustling of his covers as he settles in. The room falls into darkness as Hongjoong shuts the curtain, and Seonghwa lies flat on his back with his eyes open, feeling dangerous words on the tip of his tongue “Hongjoong” He calls out, and the other boy hums in return “I’m glad you’re here….This house feels so  _ big  _ and dark and empty, compared to my apartment” Seonghwa stutters out, instantly wishing he could withdraw the soft declaration. Hongjoong chuckles “I would never leave you alone in the dark, Park Seonghwa” He says, and the words rattle him on a soul-deep level, making his head spin. Seonghwa rolls away from the boys picture on his wall, and screws his eyes shut trying to will himself to sleep “Goodnight, Hongjoong” He calls out, and Hongjoong is quick to reply “Sleep well, angel”.

….

Seonghwa wakes up to streams of sunlight.

A room bathed in warmth, despite missing the brightest light of all…..Hongjoong. Seonghwa scans the room, just to make sure he hasn’t somehow missed the beaming boy and his sandy blonde hair….But sure enough Hongjoong is missing, and if it weren’t for the little makeshift bed made perfectly on the windowsill, Seonghwa may have thought he imagined the boy all together. He pulls himself up, stretching his arms and carding his hands through his sleep-mussed hair as he slowly blinks away the last dregs of sleep. As soon as he has fully re-joined the land of the living, Seonghwa is slammed in the face by the smell of  _ cooking.  _ Much like a child, Seonghwa is out of his bed in seconds, down his little set of stairs and hanging out of the doorway “Hongjoong?” He calls out, and Hongjoong responds straight away “Good morning! Come down here! I’m almost done” Hongjoong yells from the kitchen, and Seonghwa doesn’t need to be told twice. 

He rushes down the hall and down the stairs, looking into the kitchen where he sees Hongjoong scurrying around, and Mingi looking half-asleep at the kitchen counter. Seonghwa gasps, and instantly looks down at his bare legs, feeling very exposed “ _ Mingi! _ Good morning!” He rushes out, far too flustered, and Mingi smiles lazily at him “Yeosang sent me, wanted to know if you wanted to do anything in town today?” Mingi asks, and Seonghwa instantly looks at Hongjoong….Looking far to vibrant with his apron and wearing a lop-sided smile. “I….Um...I was actually going to talk to Yeosang about helping me maybe find a  _ job,  _ I’m going to be here for a few months at the least and I can’t just leech of you guys- _ ”  _ Seonghwa stutters out, and Hongjoong gasps “That’s easy! Yeosang will give you one” Mingi blurts out, and they both look at him with matching smiles “O-Oh?” Seonghwa asks, looking between them “We’ll go see him after breakfast” Hongjoong says, turning back to the stove and waving his hand. Seonghwa nods and goes to sit next to Mingi at the breakfast bar, yawning. A realisation hits him, and Seonghwa sits dead upright 

“Wait….Mingi can you  _ drive?” _

….

Hongjoong can  _ cook.  _ Like really cook, and Seonghwa doesn’t know why that surprises him so much. 

He makes Seonghwa and Mingi pancakes, fluffy and golden and looking more like something from an anime than an actual  _ food.  _ Seonghwa takes one small mouthful then looks at them like their something magical, and Hongjoong clearly notices “You gonna stare or eat, darling?” He chuckles, and Seonghwa jumps before continuing to eat “These are  _ great,  _ Hongjoong” he groans, making Mingi laugh “Did you forget he could cook, Hwa?” he says, waving his fork at Seonghwa whos quick to shake his head “ _ No”  _ he rushes out, making Mingi quirk his eyebrow at him.  _ Fantastic save yet again, Seonghwa, truly extraordinary effort!  _ Seonghwa mentally berates himself. Hongjoong leans against the counter and starts to eat his own food, bopping his head as he does “Did you really  _ never  _ learn to cook? Even when you lived out of home?” Hongjoong asks, and Seonghwa shrugs “Buying food and trying to cook it, only to burn it to the point that’s inedible  _ every time,  _ is a timely and costly process….Take out was the better option financially” He sighs, making Mingi laugh yet again “You ate  _ nothing  _ but  _ take out  _ for the entire time you lived in the city? Seonghwa!” He scolds him, and Hongjoong is quick to join him in laughing at Seonghwa’s expense. Seonghwa groans, and keeps eating, not wanting to encourage them any further. 

They finish up eating and Seonghwa and Hongjoong do the dishes side by side, with Hongjoong purposefully bumping him with his hip every two seconds and making Seonghwa giggle every time. When everything is packed up, and Seonghwa and Hongjoong have showered and changed, they all pile into the truck….Where Seonghwa  _ tries  _ not to have a meltdown at the image of  _ Mingi  _ behind the wheel. “I can  _ feel  _ your anxiety, Hwa, and it’s throwing off my groove” Mingi sighs as they pull out onto the main rode, Hongjoong turns and looks at Seonghwa from where he sits in the front “Don’t mess with his  _ groove,  _ Seonghwa” He echoes, clearly mocking Mingi who whacks him on the arm in protest. “Hands on the wheel, please!” Seonghwa squeals, making both of them laugh. Hongjoong turns back around in his seat, quickly opening the window and sticking his arm out of it, waving it in the wind. Seonghwa sighs, letting his head fall back as they carve through the countryside. Mingi reaches across and turns on the radio, and Hongjoong almost immediately gasps and turns it up, making Seonghwa jump so violently he whacks his head on the roof “Hongjoong! Don’t do that!” Seonghwa scolds him, but it’s clearly lost on Hongjoong “This is my song!  _ Our song,  _ Seonghwa!” He shrieks, and Seonghwa loses his breath as Hongjoong screams the lyrics to a completely unfamiliar song…... _ Our song. _

_ “I love everybody because I love you!  _

_ When you stood up, walked away barefoot! And the ground where you lay left a bed in your shape! I looked over it and I ached! _ ” 

Seonghwa looks on in awe as Hongjoong sings, loud and only narrowly in time, and Mingi smiles at him fondly. Seonghwa doesn’t register a single word of the song, but none of it seems to matter as he watches Hongjoong completely lose himself. He spins around suddenly, pointing at Seonghwa as he sings “ _ Look at you strawberry blonde!”  _ He sings, making Seonghwa shake his head, mouth falling open as he laughs “I’m not even  _ close  _ to strawberry blonde-” He splutters, but cuts himself off as Hongjoong launches into a very dramatic air-guitar solo. Seonghwa can’t do anything other than stare, as Hongjoong performs with every fibre of his being. Mingi starts to sing along at some point, and Seonghwas heart fills with warmth as nothing but pure joy passes between the two of them like an electric current. The song comes to a close and Seonghwa instantly applauds “Wow! Truly fantastic!” He boasts, clearly teasing them both. Mingi laughs and Hongjoong does a mock bow, waving at the passing countryside as he calls a loud ”I’ll be here all week!” Out the window. Mingi turns the radio down as they enter town. Hongjoons words echo in Seonghwas mind…... _ Our song.  _

“Is here close enough, Joong?” Mingi asks as they pull into a park alongside the main strip of town, and Hongjoong nods as he takes off his seatbelt “I just have to go take San to the hall to practice, or i’d take you all the way!” Mingi calls out as Seonghwa and Hongjoong hop out of the truck “It’s okay! Tell San I said hi!” Hongjoong calls out, and Mingi nods before waving at Seonghwa “Bye, Mingi! Thank you!” He calls to him as the tuck pulls away. Hongjoong is already walking off down the street, a skip in his step that’s so painfully  _ him.  _ Seonghwa lets himself watch the sunshine boy float down the street for a moment, before quickly rushing forwards to catch up to him. “So, Yeosang can get me a job?” Seonghwa asks, and Hongjoong hums “Yeah! He’s  _ still  _ working at the library, can you believe it? He runs the place now, pretty much” Hongjoong says, sing-songy as per usual. Seonghwa sucks in a breath,  _ A library? Can’t be so hard-  _

Suddenly, a voice across the street calls out “Hongjoong!” 

Hongjoong whips around, and Seonghwa’s line of sight instinctively follows to where a middle aged woman is standing in the doorway of a shop across the street, waving enthusiastically at Hongjoong who seems to glow impossibly brighter. “Good morning!” He calls out to her, she starts motioning them over “I just got a new shipment in from Paris! You  _ have  _ to come look!” She yells, and Hongjoong instantly looks up at Seonghwa with pleading eyes “Can we? It’ll be quick I promise! Yeosang isn’t going anywhere!” Hongjoong essentially  _ begs,  _ and Seonghwa instantly feels himself blush “Y-Yeah okay! Sure I guess-” He stumbles out, and Hongjoong beams as he grabs Seonghwa’s wrist and tows him across the street. When they reach the front of the cotton-candy pink store, confusion fills Seonghwas head….. _ This is a womens dress shop, what on earth- _

“My  _ god!  _ Is this….Is that you, Seonghwa?” The woman asks, and Seonghwa quickly looks away from the sign and towards her, eyes wide as he nods “He’s even more handsome then the day he left, right?” Hongjoong giggles, and Seonghwa almost  _ melts  _ as he looks down at Hongjoong, rapidly blinking. “Who would have thought that was even possible! Wow….It is really nice to see you, Seonghwa” She sighs, smiling softly at him, Seonghwa nods in return and tries to smile “And...I’m so sorry for your loss, your mother will be sorely missed by the entire community” She adds, and Seonghwa swallows, choking out a small “Thank you”. Hongjoong clearly senses Seonghwas anxiety building, and quickly changes the topic “Let me see them then!” He chirps, and the woman nods excitedly at him before stepping back inside and motioning for both of them to follow her. Seonghwa blindly follows Hongjoong inside, instantly taking in the shop around him…..Dresses hang from every wall, and in rows down the centre of the shop. Everything looks extremely well made, vintage in style and bold in colour, like the entire shop had been pulled from an american history book. Seonghwa registers Hongjoong and the shop owner have started talking as they walk deeper into the shop, but Seonghwa can’t discern the words as he follows behind and slowly pans his vision around the room full of so much personality.

“Here they are!” He hears the shop owner call out, and he quickly turns to look at where her and Hongjoong are leaning over the main counter, over a large pinstriped box in front of them. Hongjoong has wonder in his eyes as he looks at the contents of the box, which is hidden from Seonghwa’s view. “Wow….They’re stunning” He breathes out, and Seonghwa’s brain instantly supplies  _ ‘No Hongjoong, you’re stunning’  _ and he thanks every deity he can name that he managed to not say the words out loud. His moment of relief is short lived, and nothing could have prepared him for what Hongjoong pulls out of the box…..A red tartan, pleated and short….. _ skirt.  _ His eyes widen as Hongjoong looks at the garment, it has two black leather bands wrapped around the thick waistband, and there’s more leather details on the left side, with gold fastenings. Seonghwa stands there and blinks, very much in shock “It came in a longer style as well, but I thought the shorter was cuter…It’s mid thigh so not  _ too  _ scandalous” The shop owner chuckles, and Hongjoong nods in agreement, never once taking his eyes off the garment in his hands. “Can I try it on?” Hongjoong asks.

_ This is it.  _ Seonghwa isn’t sure how he manages to stay upright as the words leave Hongjoongs mouth. The shop owner nods enthusiastically “Of course!” She says, waving Hongjoong towards the changing rooms at the back of the store.  _ I am going to die, right here, in a womens dress shop.  _ “Seonghwa! C’mon!” Hongjoong calls out after him, and Seonghwa blindly follows after him, despite every fibre of his being telling him to turn and sprint out of the store and  _ never return.  _ Hongjoong quickly steps into a dressing room and shuts the door behind him, and Seonghwa stands nervously in the hall, having one  _ hell _ of a mental breakdown….. _ This has to be a prank, right?  _ He internally assures himself.  _ I don’t remember any of these people, yet they clearly know me…..And to make matters even worse even though I have zero memories of Hongjoong he seems to make my fucking heart almost impode on a daily basis and now i’m about to see him in a  _ **_skirt._ **

Seonghwa braces for the explosion, waits for Yunho and Jongho to jump out of a cupboard with cameras and scream  _ ‘Got you! Dumbass! These are all paid actors and you aren’t actually losing your fucking marbles! Ha!'  _ The universe clearly hates him, as that doesn’t happen, and instead the same Hongjoong who is  _ very much _ bad for Seonghwa’s heart steps out of the dressing room. Every breath Seonghwa had ever taken, leaves him in one swift instant….When he looks at Hongjoong. Hongjoong in his battered white converse with his legs turned ever so slightly in as he looks at himself in the mirror, one side of Seonghwas own black t-shirt tucked into the  _ skirt  _ and the other hanging freely. Seonghwa has no idea who he is, no memory of him whatsoever, but his racing heart tells him that he was clearly someone  _ beyond  _ precious to Seonghwa in his past…..And something, a small voice in the fog, tells him that Hongjoong could be the answer to the questions he doesn’t even know he is supposed to ask. 

“Do you like it?” Hongjoong asks, turning to look at Seonghwa with his arms wide and smiling so much his eyes crinkle.  _ Oh, and he’s really fucking cute in a skirt,  _ which Seonghwa didn’t know he was into but apparently he very much is _ …..You learn something new every day! _

“ _ Y-yes _ ” Seonghwa stutters out, and Hongjoong does a little spin. The shop owner hollers at him “You look better in a skirt then anyone in town, Kim Hongjoong!” She laughs, and Seonghwa sees pink dusting Hongjoongs cheeks as he looks at himself in the mirror. “It really is cute” He sighs, smoothing down the pleats “It’s yours, Hongjoong-” The woman says, and Hongjoong instantly whips his head towards her “No! You  _ can’t  _ I don’t have a penny to my name! And it’s not even like I could wear it beyond my front door-” He rambles, but she holds up her hand to silence him “I said what I said, it’s for  _ you….. _ Wear it for yourself” She says, and Hongjoong looks to the floor, playing with his hands. Seonghwa never once stops staring at him “And for Seonghwa” She chuckles, making him jump about five feet in the air and stare at her with pure embarrassment on his face “F-For me? Why on  _ earth  _ would he wear a skirt for me-” Seonghwa chokes out, making her laugh “God! You really haven’t changed a bit, Seonghwa!” She sighs, and Seonghwa can do nothing but blink at her in pure confusion as a blush settles firmly on his face.

“I’m changing! Or we’ll be here all day!” Hongjoong groans before disappearing back into the dressing room, the shop owner winks at Seonghwa, and turns to waltz back to her desk.

_ Okay, where are the fucking cameras? This is beyond a joke now _

…..

Hongjoong and Seonghwa quickly leave the dress shop as soon as Hongjoong is back in his jeans, towing Seonghwa back across the street as if he hadn't just completely turned his word on it's head when he spun so carelessly in a tartan skirt. Once they're back over the road, Hongjoong lets go of Seonghwa's hand and turns to face him, walking backwards down the path "So, Seonghwa the  _ librarian?"  _ He teases, and Seonghwa groans "We haven't even asked him yet" Seonghwa sighs, and Hongjoong giggles "Yeosang would give you anything if you asked" he chuckles, and Seonghwa can only blink dumbly at him. 

They walk down the street, presumably towards the Library where Yeosang works. Eventually Hongjoong turns to walk normally, after one particularly close stumble which almost sees him end up on the concrete. Seonghwa follows closely behind, noticing that Hongjoong has started to hum the same song as he had so proudly belted in the car….. _ Our song.  _ Hongjoong eventually rounds a corner, and a small but long brick building with a completely empty car park comes into view….With a big sign saying "LIBRARY" out the front, so faded it's barely legible. "Well, has it changed?" Hongjoong asks, turning over his shoulder to smile at him. Seonghwa looks up the building as if something may have miraculously shifted in the two seconds since he had last looked at it….and is still somehow disappointed when his mind comes up blank.

"Yeah…. _ Exactly _ the same" he says, and Hongjoong nods….staring at Seonghwa for just a little too long for comfort before turning and skipping up the stairs. Seonghwa sighs and follows behind him, looking up as the automatic doors slide open. Hongjoong pretty much runs inside, and yet again Seonghwa floats behind as he takes in another new surrounding which  _ should  _ be familiar to him. The library is quite simple, with a reception desk right at the front of the building, terribly dated green carpet and rows upon rows of bookshelves dividing the space up, as well as a few small sitting areas. Seonghwa looks ahead to see Hongjoong has walked well past the desk, and is peering between shelves as if he's hiding from something. Seonghwa groans and trails behind him, arms crossed as he finds himself yet again caught in some silly game that Hongjoong didn't care to even tell him they were playing.

Hongjoong suddenly jumps backwards, straight into Seonghwa who almost yelps….but Hongjoong claps his hand almost silently over Seonghwas mouth, shaking his hand in a way that definitely screams  _ 'Shut up!'.  _ Seonghwa tilts his head, very lost on what the hell Hongjoong is scheming now. Hongjoong smiles and tilts his head towards the aisle behind them, dropping his hand away from Seonghwa's mouth. Seonghwa sighs, leaning around Hongjoong to look between the two rows of books, where he sees Yeosang at the end of the aisle….buried in a book and sitting at a small desk. Hongjoong smiles wickedly at him, and Seonghwa tilts his head to the ceiling in pure defeat…... _ We are twenty years old.  _

Hongjoong is off again, bending down and crawling along as if he's the protagonist in a spy movie. Seonghwa stands back and watches, wanting to play no part in this particular game. It's almost like it happens in slow motion, Hongjoong comes to a standstill a few meters behind Yeosang and very slowly stands up, raising his hands in a gunpoint-like position behind the blonde and  _ screams  _ "This is a robbery!" At the top of his lungs. Yeosang screams twice as loud, and is out of his seat and turning in what feels like less than a second. Without missing a beat, he grasps the book in his hands and  _ pelts  _ it at Hongjoong. The book hits him square in the middle of his forehead, pages fluttering in the wind as Hongjoong falls very dramatically backwards.  _ "Hongjoong?!  _ What the fuck?!" Yeosang screeches, and Seonghwa loses it.

He  _ laughs.  _ Laughs in a way he hasn't since…..Well as long as he could remember. He doubles over under the weight of his own laughter, lost in his own world for what feels like hours. When he finally calms down from his small fit of laughter, and stands up…..He is instantly embarrassed. Yeosang looks almost  _ proud  _ of Seonghwa, smiling the same way a mother smiles at her child when they walk off into their first day of school. Yeosang's expression was  _ nothing  _ compared to Hongjoong's, however. The small fairy-like boy was still sprawled out on the floor, one hand pressed to his wounded head and the other on the floor to hold himself up…..And he was looking at Seonghwa in the way only he seemed to be able too, an expression Seonghwa couldn't even give a name too. 

"W-What?" Seonghwa chokes out, and Yeosang breathes out a bout of laughter "Nothing, just the first time I've heard you laugh like  _ that _ in…..five years?" Yeosang chuckles, and Seonghwa instantly feels himself go bright red, looking between them "If it takes me getting a book to the head to make you laugh like that, then feel free too-" Hongjoong says, and Yeosang is quick to cut him off " _ Don't _ throw a fucking book at him, I beg you, even if he very much deserves it" he groans, and Seonghwa can't even conjure up a response. 

"So, what on earth do you two need?" Yeosang groans, and Hongjoong beats him to the question "Seonghwa wants a job, can you hire him?" Hongjoong says, and Seonghwa splutters "Hongjoong!" He scolds him, and the boy only flashes a smile at him. Yeosang sighs yet again "You know what,  _ sure!  _ We need someone to run the front desk, if you'd like too, Seonghwa?" He says, and Seonghwa blindly nods "Uh….Yeah?" Sounds good" he chokes out, and Yeosang smiles "Great! You start tomorrow! I'll call you tonight….Both of you just  _ leave! _ Before I hurl another book at Hongjoong" he threatens.

Seonghwa rushes forwards and pulls Hongjoong off of the ground, towing them both back towards the entrance "Thank you, Yeosang! I'm very grateful!" Seonghwa calls out to him as he speeds towards the doorway, and Yeosang only flashes him a thumbs up.

_ When on earth did I become Hongjoongs babysitter? _


	6. s i x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a filler chapter! But enjoy none the less!  
> Come yell at me on twt @_hanjisungie

Seonghwa spends the remainder of his day being dragged around by Hongjoong. They work their way down one side of the main street, then move to the other side…...Eventually visiting  _ every single  _ shop. Seonghwas head is starting to spin, and his neck is starting to cramp from nodding politely over and over when middle aged strangers coo and gasp at him exclaiming some variation of  _ "you're so grown up, Seonghwa!"  _ In every shop they visit _.  _ Seonghwa grins and bears it though, looking at the pure joy on Hongjoongs face as he tows Seonghwa around. 

Eventually the sun retreats over the horizon, and Seonghwa lets his first yawn slip out….Making Hongjoong smile softly at him. "You tired?" He asks, and suddenly loops his arm through the crook of Seonghwa's elbow and looks up at him. Seonghwa doesn't startle this time, and takes not that he seems to be slowly getting used to how Hongjoong always seems to want to touch him…..When Hongjoong is gripping his hand or leaning on his shoulder, it's a whole lot easier to push away the thoughts that something is very  _ wrong  _ here - He should  _ not  _ be missing roughly sixteen years of memories - that never seem to leave him despite he best efforts. Seonghwa shrugs "I guess, are you?" He asks and Hongjoong shakes his head "Nope, I am  _ hungry _ though" he chuckles and Seonghwa groans, remembering they haven't eaten since breakfast. Hongjoong only laughs louder at Seonghwa's exclamation and pulls his phone from his pocket "I have a  _ fantastic  _ idea" he mutters, and Seonghwa sighs "Oh yeah? Like scaring the ever-loving shit out of Yeosang was a  _ great  _ idea-"

Hongjoong shushes him as he presses his phone to his ear, and Seonghwa can't help but laugh softly to himself as they walk completely without purpose down the street, under the setting sun dusting the sky with pink and orange. "San! Are you done practising?" Hongjoong speaks into the phone, and Seonghwa turns to shamelessly stare at him as he talks "Seonghwa and I are hungry and I was wondering if-" Hongjoong talks again, but San must cut him off on the other line, and Seonghwa cocks his head in confusion. Hongjoong smiles wider, looking up at Seonghwa who can't bring himself to look away "Great minds think alike, meet you there?" Hongjoong says, and Seonghwa only furrows his eyebrows as the smaller boy looks at him. Hongjoong nods a few times then blows a kiss into the phone and seemingly hangs up, sliding it back into his pocket "Where are we going, then?" Seonghwa is quick to ask, and Hongjoong only squeezes his arm "Don't you worry, I'm sure you'll remember it when we get there!"

_ Remember it  _

The words sting, but Seonghwa still smiles down at Hongjoong as they pick up their pace.

…..

Seonghwa doesn't remember it; shock horror.

They round a corner and Seonghwa sees the red truck outside what looks like a  _ very  _ red and dated-looking restaurant. Seonghwa was quickly learning that everything in this town looked like it had been plucked from a 50's movie yet he was still adjusting to it. As they walked closer Hongjoong looks up at Seonghwa with wide eyes "Well?" He presses, and Seonghwa sighs, trying to pass it off as a laugh " _ Wow _ , Hongjoong-" he forces out and Hongjoong gasps as if he's deeply offended, making Seonghwa jump. "You don't remember  _ the  _ Pizza Shack?  _ Seonghwa  _ I am appalled! We used come here every Saturday!" Hongjoong rushes out, clearly teasing but Seonghwas gut still twists at the notion that anyone could be catching on to his run-away memories…..Or lack thereof. 

Hongjoong tutts at Seonghwa once more and drags him across the street, where their friends finally come into view. Seonghwa is slightly relieved to be back with the group, being alone with Hongjoong did things to his heart which he couldn't quite name. Mingi greets them with a wave and his signature wide smile, and Wooyoung is quick to rush over and hug Seonghwa, who returns it instantly. "How was work, Yeosang?" Seonghwa asks him, and Yeosang shrugs "You're in for it tomorrow, the filing hasn't been done in that place since the last century" he groans, and Sans face lights up "You're gonna be working at the Library, Seonghwa?" He asks, and Seonghwa nods "I'm gonna be here for a while, I may as well do something  _ useful"  _ he chuckles, and San returns the small laugh. "Can we go in already? I'm fucking  _ starving"  _ Wooyoung groans, and Yeosang ushers them all in the front door, with Hongjoong sticking to Seonghwas side.

The interior of the place perfectly matches the exterior, red booths and white tables with bright strips of white LEDs lighting up the place. The restaurant is roughly half full, with a couple of groups of what seem to be high school age kids and a few families. Seonghwa keeps his head down as San greets an older man behind the bar, who Seonghwa assumes is the owner, and they shuffle towards the largest booth at the back of the room. Seonghwa sits on the left side and shuffles all the way to the end so he's against the wall, with Hongjoong beside him and Yeosang across from them. There doesn't appear to be any menus, which confuses Seonghwa for a moment, but the feeling doesn't last long as a waitress walks over. She looks to be about their age, in a short red skirt and polo with a red cap. She doesn't even look up from her notepad as she drawls out "The usual then? Two pepperoni's, a margarita and two garlic breads?" She says and Mingi nods at her, "Not even gonna say hi to Seonghwa?" San calls out, and the girl's head flies up.

Seonghwa could have leaned over and whacked San, but loses all nerve to move when the girl locks eyes with him and Hongjoong tenses beside him. " _ Park Seonghwa?"  _ She breathes out, and Seonghwa tries his hardest to smile "Hello?" he chokes out, and she looks as if she's only moments from passing out. She opens her mouth to speak again when the man from behind the bar calls out for her "I-I….I'll be back with your food" she stammers and rushes away. Seonghwa blinks in bewilderment and Mingi barks out a laugh "Christ,  _ that _ was hilarious" he says, high-fiving San who sits beside him. Yeosang narrows his eyes at him "That was  _ cruel,  _ Choi San" he scolds and San simply shrugs. Seonghwa becomes very aware of just how stiff Hongjoong has become beside him, and instinctively leans down a bit to talk to him "Hongjoong, are you alright?" Seonghwa whispers, and Wooyoung speaks up before Hongjoong can "Look, San! You've upset Hongjoong" he whines.

Hongjoong shakes his head then, and some semblance of a smile returns "Who  _ was  _ that?" Seonghwa asks before he can stop himself, looking at the waitress who has done nothing but stare over her shoulder at Seonghwa ever since she walked away. San laughs again "You don't  _ remember  _ her?" San barks, and Seonghwa stiffens "It was a long time ago, San! You can't expect Seonghwa to remember  _ every  _ girl from school who had a crush on him, pretty much  _ every girl  _ within a hundred mile radius did at some point" Yeosang sighs, and Seonghwas blood turns to ice in his veins.  _ A crush?  _ "She was next level though! She left you love letters every single day for the entirety of senior year!" Mingi laughs, and Wooyoung leans across the table to smack his arm. "Not that it mattered, right? No pretty girl had anything on our very own  _ Kim Hongjoong!  _ The King of crushes! Right Seonghwa?" San says with a wink, and Hongjoong immediately splutters. Yeosang shoots daggers at San "That is  _ quite  _ enough, asshole" he snaps, and San raises his hands in defeat.

Seonghwa instantly looks at Hongjoong, who is clearly making a conscious effort to  _ not  _ look at Seonghwa, probably for the first time since Seonghwa laid eyes on him at the funeral.  _ What on earth was San talking about? That Hongjoong was no match for…. _ It hit Seonghwa much like he'd imagine it would feel to be hit by a freight train… _ Did Hongjoong have a crush on me in highschool?  _ Seonghwa blushes at the prospect, and feels Hongjoong's anxiety rolling off him in waves. Seonghwa instinctively reaches for his hand under the table " _ Hongjoong-" _ he calls out barely above a whisper, but is cut off when Hongjoong looks up at him, and Seonghwa sees pure  _ shame  _ on his face. Seonghwa remembers then…..About Hongjoongs family  _ situation,  _ and it dawns on him that being  _ gay  _ isn't exactly the norm here, and if Hongjoong's highschool crush - if that was the case at all - on Seonghwa was as well know by those they went to school with as it seemed it was…..That could have very easily caused him a lot of pain.

Seonghwa doesn't get a chance to speak, to assure Hongjoong that everything is okay, as the food arrives and everyone launches into loud conversation. Hongjoong seems to relax as dinner goes on, eating and laughing along, but it's nowhere near enough to quell Seonghwa's worry for the pocket of sunshine next to him. Seonghwa recalls the way Hongjoong looked at him at the funeral and the pictures of him next to Seonghwa's bed, and ponders an impossible idea….. _ What if I felt the same way, in highschool, and simply don't remember it?  _ It's too much for his tired mind to bare, so Seonghwa presses ever-so-slightly closer to Hongjoongs side and eats, trying to keep up with the conversation as it rapidly changes. 

….

Yeosang drives the two of them back to Seonghwa's, and Hongjoong is quick to give an excuse to get out when they park in the drive "No need to drive me, I'm gonna walk home later!" He calls out to Yeosang who instantly buys the lie "Okay! Be safe walking in the dark! I'll see you tomorrow, Seonghwa! Just text me when you're ready and I'll come get you" Yeosang calls out the window as he reverses and disappears out of the driveway. Seonghwa and Hongjoong stand in silence on the gravel driveway for a few moments, and Seonghwa feels anxiety pool in his chest yet again at how  _ distant  _ Hongjoong feels after Sans off-handed comment "Hongjoong, hey-" Seonghwa says quietly in the dark, and Hongjoong instantly turns on his heel to walk towards the porch "Let's go inside, I'm  _ tired-"  _ Hongjoong calls out, sing-songy and positive and dripping  _ fakeness.  _ Seonghwa swallows and trails after him. Hongjoong had taken Seonghwa keys out of his own pocket, and opens the door with them, stepping inside and letting it shut behind him. Seonghwa groans yet again and reaches for the handle himself, "Hongjoong! Wait-" he groans as he opens the door and steps inside, but instantly halts when he sees Hongjoong.

Hongjoong is retreating down the hall, but he looks  _ smaller  _ than Seonghwa remembers from two seconds ago and…..Seonghwa looks up, his eyes training on the back of Hongjoongs head as he flees, where he sees  _ cherry red hair.  _ Seonghwa gasps and lurches back…. _ What the fuck? How is that-  _ He blinks hard, and when he opens his eyes he sees that Hongjoong has now turned around and is staring at him with nothing but concern, looking  _ completely normal,  _ dirty blonde hair and an inch or two taller than how he had appeared only moments ago. Seonghwa is still reeling, and heaves in a choked breath….. _ Am I losing my fucking mind?  _ He internally berates himself, and Hongjoong clearly senses something is wrong as he takes a step towards him. "Hwa, you okay? You've gone all pale" Hongjoong calls out into the dark hall, and Seonghwa is quick to nod at him "Yeah I'm okay just….Thought I saw something" he chokes out, and Hongjoong cocks his head "Let's go to bed, yeah? I'm exhausted" Seonghwa rushes out, walking past Hongjoong and towards the stairs.

Hongjoong hums in agreement and follows behind, and Seonghwa can feel the shorter boy staring at him with pure worry. Seonghwa blinks rapidly, keeping his head down as he pushes open his bedroom door and lets his fingers catch it as he steps inside, so it doesn't shut on Hongjoong. Hongjoong steps in behind him, and Seonghwa lets the door shut….Seonghwa stands there for a few moments, Hongjoong behind him, and  _ breathes.  _ Hongjoong must be able to sense Seonghwa panicking, because he steps forwards and around him, looking up at Seonghwa in the dark "Are you alright?" He asks, small and painfully quiet. Seonghwa shakes his head again, looking down to his own feet "What did San mean….When he said that in the restaurant?" Seonghwa asks, desperately trying to change the subject. Hongjoongs eyes widen, and he steps back "He was making a joke, Seonghwa" he chokes out.

Seonghwa takes a step towards Hongjoong, not allowing him to retreat "Did you have….. _ feelings _ for me…..In highschool?" Seonghwa says, barely above a whisper as he looks down at Hongjoong shrinking away before him…..Seonghwa feels  _ guilty  _ beyond words, watching the light fade from Hongjoongs eyes, but something deep inside him  _ needs  _ to know the answer to that question, for reasons he cannot remember. Hongjoong turns away "I missed you, a lot….While you were gone, I didn't know how to live without you beside me, I still don't" Hongjoong mutters, it's not even  _ close  _ to an answer, but it makes Seonghwas chest ache nonetheless. Seonghwa turns away as well, leaning down to grab his sleeping clothes off of the floor and quickly changing right there and then, not caring if Hongjoong catches a glimpse of his exposed back or legs as he changes. When Seonghwa turns, just before he ascends the stairs, he sees that Hongjoong is indeed staring, illuminated by the moonlight streaming in from the window behind him.

Seonghwa pauses at the stairs to his bed, and speaks as gently as he can "I won't push you, Hongjoong….But I think it's a conversation we need to have" Seonghwa says, and Hongjoong offers him a small smile "I think there's a lot we need to talk about" he chokes out, and the pain in his voice makes Seonghwa's heart sink. "We have time, Hongjoong" Seonghwa calls out to him, and Hongjoong takes a deep breath as if a huge weight that's unseen by Seonghwa has been lifted. A moment of understanding passes between them, which is enough for Seonghwa, who slowly climbs the stairs and falls into bed. Seonghwa pulls the sheets up to his chin, and hears Hongjoong climb into his own bed. Seonghwas eyes instantly go to the picture of Hongjoong beside his pillow, a place he finds himself looking far too often….And once the question is on his tongue he can't stop it from falling out of his mouth. "When was this….This picture?" Seonghwa asks, and instantly slaps his hand over his mouth

_ Fuck….This picture is definitely something he would expect to me remember surely- _

Hongjoong laughs "I don't even remember, probably junior year? You were so proud of it, and always said it was the best photo of me you ever took" Hongjoong chuckles, and Seonghwa lets out the biggest sigh of relief when Hongjoong doesn't immediately question him on why he doesn't remember such a thing. Silence falls over them again, and Seonghwa hears Hongjoong shuffling around in his little bed. He sighs again…. _ Surely that can't be comfortable, it's a paper thin mattress on a sheet of wood…. _ Seonghwa sits up and looks down at Hongjoong "Look, why don't you just come up here? That can't be comfortable" he sighs, already feeling a blush rise at the prospect of sharing a bed with Hongjoong despite knowing there would be miles of space between them on Seonghwa's bed. Hongjoong doesn't say anything, and Seonghwa groans "I mean it Hongjoong, that can't be comfortable" Seonghwa says, and Hongjoong finally sits up.

"Wouldn't you be…. _ Uncomfortable? _ Sharing a bed with me?" Hongjoong asks softly, and Seonghwa scoffs "Why would I be? I've known you my whole life" Seonghwa says, internally laughing at the truth in what feels so much like a lie to him. Seonghwa hears Hongjoong shuffle around "You know….Because I'm gay?" He mutters, and Seonghwa very  _ very _ narrowly holds back his laughter "Oh my  _ god  _ Hongjoong, just get up here right now" he laughs, and Hongjoong is quick to get to his feet and scurry up the stairs, all without saying a single word. Seonghwa sits up and scoots over, patting the bed beside him to try and ease Hongjoongs anxiety. The boy lifts the corner of the blanket and scoots in under the covers, and Seonghwa can't help but smile at him as he settles in, feeling instantly comforted at having Hongjoong close. Seonghwa lies back down, facing him with a small smile on his face "Comfy?" He asks, and Hongjoong nods.

Seonghwa is washed over with relief, seeing a genuine smile return to Hongjoongs face for the first time since dinner. Seonghwa shuts his eyes, taking a deep breath and trying to relax "Thank you, Seonghwa" Hongjoong breathes out, and Seonghwa burrows deeper into the sheets "Goodnight, Hongjoong, sleep well" he whispers into the dark. Hongjoong hums, and Seonghwa lets his breathing even out….He's on the brink of sleep, when Seonghwa feels Hongjoong edge ever so slightly closer to him on the mattress, and warmth floods his chest as he floats away to sleep. 

….

Seonghwa wakes up without Hongjoong.

He seems the imprint of where he was, a dent in the pillow and mused sheets, but the boy himself was nowhere in sight yet again. Seonghwa crawls out of bed and pads down to the kitchen, where there's still no sign of Hongjoong. Seonghwa frowns and continues to look around the house, all too silent without a second pair of feet patting against the hardwood. Seonghwa can't help but notice how his heart rate quickens as his search for Hongjoong continually turns up empty. He's about to run for his phone to try and call him when Seonghwa notices something strange taped to the door….And immediately makes for it. Seonghwa identifies it as a piece of paper taped to the glass pane and immediately pulls it down, and reads;

_ 'Had to go help San with something at the studio this morning! I'll meet you at the library later! _

_ Btw you look adorable when you sleep, nothing has changed! _

_ Love, Hongjoong ♡' _

Seonghwa sighs, his panic easing with the assurance that Hongjoong hasn't been kidnapped or even worse…..The nagging and very irrational fear constantly plaguing Seonghwa that Hongjoong wasn't real at all and his was in fact  _ losing his mind,  _ and had completely fabricated him _.  _ He thinks of Hongjoong twirling in a skirt and his small voice when he implied that Seonghwa would be uncomfortable sharing a bed with him due to him being  _ gay _ , and Seonghwa assures himself his mind never could have conjured up such a person as Kim Hongjoong. Seonghwa pulls the piece of paper down, turning it in his hands for a moment before folding it up and tucking it into the pocket of his nightshirt. He goes about getting ready as fast as possible, making himself some toast and dressing in plain black jeans and a light grey t-shirt, admittedly having no idea what  _ librarians  _ were supposed to wear. Seonghwa sends Yeosang a simple text to let him know he's ready and goes and sits on the stairs, his head in his hands as he aimlessly daydreams.

The house feels empty without Hongjoong, and the same warm feeling that always fills Seonghwas chest when he thinks about Hongjoong too long returns. He was by no means gaining back his memories of him, or anything regarding the town and its enhabitants, but the familiarity was becoming a feeling he could  _ trust,  _ and Seonghwa figures that that is enough for now.  _ It's going to have to be, it's not like I can turn to one of them and just be like 'Oh by the way I don't remember any of you, any clue why that would be?'  _ Seonghwa sighs, once again running his tired brain in circles. However he is quickly brought back to reality by someone banging at his door. Seonghwa is on his feet in an instant, grabbing his keys off of the small table and opening the door to reveal Yeosang, who smiles at him. Seonghwa steps out of the doorway and shuts it behind him, returning Yeosangs smile. "Morning! You ready?" Yeosang asks as they head for the car, and Seonghwa shrugs "Ready as I'll ever be" Seonghwa sighs, and they're off.

….

Yeosang sets Seonghwa straight to work when he arrives, motioning at a collection of ten or so  _ very  _ dusty looking cardboard boxes stacked up against one wall "Here you go then, all these need to be sorted and scanned into the database" Yeosang says, motioning at a large and very old looking scanner next to them. Seonghwa nods and they walk over to it "It's simple, they're all old book hiring records that the committee  _ insists  _ we keep track of for some reason" Yeosang explains as he touches the screen on the scanner, making it light up. On the screen is every letter of the alphabet on green squares "You just pick up a record, touch the first letter of that person's last name on the screen, scan and then shred!" Yeosang completes his explanation, and Seonghwa looks at the absolute  _ shit tons  _ of boxes to get through "Sounds easy" he mutters, and Yeosang claps his hands together "Call out if you need anything! And good luck" Yeosang says as he walks off. Seonghwa groans, and opens the first box.

He continues for what feels like hours, having only gotten through three boxes by the time Yeosang comes to check on him in the early afternoon. "Seonghwa!" He calls out, and Seonghwa immediately turns to look at where Yeosang is holding up two sandwich bags "Lunch?" He says, and the words are like music to Seonghwas ears. He jumps up immediately, nodding and following after Yeosang. They walk through the library until they're out the back, where Yeosang pulls open a door leading to a back porch with a few chairs. Seonghwa takes a seat across from Yeosang, who hands him one of the bags "How's it going, the filing?" Yeosang asks and Seonghwa is so caught up staring at the  _ gourmet  _ looking sandwich in his hand that he stutters on his reply "F-Fine! It's just time consuming" Seonghwa stutters out, and Yeosang giggles. Seonghwa takes a bite out of his sandwich, sitting back and sighing "I'm surprised you didn't bring Hongjoong to keep you company" Yeosang says "He said he'd be coming by later, he was gone when I woke up….Left a note about helping San with something?" Seonghwa explains, and Yeosang smiles knowingly "The studio probably, that place is Sans baby! He took it over just after high school when his old intructor retired, He's got full blown dance classes going there now, and he and Wooyoung seem to be doing well running it….Last I checked they had thirty students? From toddler age right up to high school" Yeosang beams, and Seonghwa can't help but smile at the pride in his voice despite not knowing the history behind his words. 

"Really? That's amazing" Seonghwa sighs, watching as Yeosang continues to beam. "Also, Hwa….I meant to ask, how is Hongjoong?" Yeosang asks quietly, and Seonghwa cocks his head as he chews "After Sans  _ dumb  _ comment last night, he really means well but god I want to kick him sometimes" Yeosang groans, and Seonghwa sighs at the memory of the night before. "He was... _ Upset… _ .For sure, but he didn't want to talk about it at all" Seonghwa responds honestly, and Yeosang sighs yet again. "He's not changed, hmm? Still impossible to have a serious conversation with, an absolute escape artist" Yeosang says, and Seonghwa can only nod. "Just….Don't hold it against him, yeah? The way he felt about you in highschool" Yeosang sighs so  _ casually,  _ and Seonghwa almost chokes. Yeosang sits bolt upright, looking at Seonghwa for a long moment before his eyes widen in shock " _ Park Seonghwa  _ please tell me you weren't so dumb to  _ not realise  _ that your best friend was in love with you for practically  _ ten years?"  _ Yeosang squeals, and Seonghwa can only blink at him as shock completely takes over.

"Oh. My.  _ God!"  _ Yeosang exclaims, and Seonghwa splutters "Look! I'm pretty  _ dense-"  _ he rushes out, and Yeosang only shakes his head "That explains  _ so much,  _ fuck" Yeosang chuckles to himself, and Seonghwa continues to quietly lose his shit now knowing Hongjoong did in fact have what seemed to be a major crush on Seonghwa in their shared past that he doesn't remember. "Look, we're all grown adults now, yeah? It's best to just leave it in the past and  _ move on-"  _ Yeosang rushes out, and Seonghwa can't help himself from blurting out "I'm gay". Yeosangs mouth snaps shut, and Seonghwa looks at him with wide eyes "You're….. _ What….. _ Since when?" Yeosang breathes out, and Seonghwa scrambles to respond "Forever? It's kinda something you're  _ born  _ with-" he sighs and Yeosang waves his hands at him "You know that's not what I meant! You….You dated  _ half _ the female population of our grade" Yeosang breathes out, and Seonghwa sits back to pick at his sandwich,  _ I dated women? My god _ "I was very  _ confused-"  _

"This is  _ precious  _ Seonghwa, dear god _ "  _ Yeosang laughs, throwing his head back. Seonghwa groans and keeps picking at his sandwich. "Just….Maybe don't tell Hongjoong this, until things settle down a bit?" Yeosang tacks on, and Seonghwa nods to himself "Yeah, good idea-" Seonghwa mutters, and instantly senses Yeosang tense " _ Seonghwa-"  _ he sighs, but is cut off when the door bursts open and Wooyoung and Hongjoong stumble out onto the patio "Hey! This is  _ staff only!"  _ Yeosang scolds them but cuts himself off when Hongjoong drops himself directly into Seonghwa's lap, making him groan in pain, and plucks his sandwich directly from his hands "Hi, Seonghwa! How's your day been?" He asks, looping one arm around Seonghwas neck and using the other to push the small corner that remains of Seonghwa's sandwich into his mouth. Seonghwa chuckles at him "Just fantastic, Hongjoong, thank you for asking" he teases, and Hongjoong winks at him in response.

"We were meant to be here a whole lot earlier, but passed by the cliffs-" Wooyoung explains as he leans against the door, and Yeosang immediately whips around to face him "How many times have I told you all to not be up there? It's falling apart more and more everyday! It isn't  _ safe!"  _ Yeosang berates Wooyoung, who raises his hands "Don't look at me! Hongjoong's been going up there since we were kids" he chuckles, and Yeosang groans "Don't remind me". Hongjoong must pick up on Seonghwa's confusion, and speaks up "You should see it now, Hwa! The cliffs edge has crumbled away so much that it"s almost at the path" he explains, and Seonghwa nods as if he had  _ any idea whatsoever  _ what they were talking about. "They need to put a sign up there, one day someone's gonna fall-" Yeosang sighs to himself, and something strange twinges inside Seonghwa's chest at the words. 

"Look what we have here!" Wooyoung whistles, ponting at the road across from them….Where a large bus has now parked, it's purple and modern and has 'Mystery Tours' printed on the side "Mystery tours?" Seonghwa mumbles, and Yeosang pinches his eyebrows together "Tourist, fucking loonies" he groans, making Seonghwas confusion grow impossibly more. "C'mon, Yeosang! The legend is interesting, I can see the appeal" Wooyoung chuckles, and Seonghwa sits in silence hoping they eventually reveal what the  _ fuck  _ they're talking about. Hongjoong jumps up from his lap, crouching down and wiggling his fingers at Wooyoung "Beware the  _ red gates! _ Where spirits with unfinished deeds may cross through the folds of time to right their fate!" Hongjoong says in a classic horror-narration voice, making Wooyoung howl with laughter. "Don't even  _ pretend  _ you aren't into all that stuff, Hongjoong!" Wooyoung teases.

Seonghwa takes a mental note…. _ Red gates.  _ "I see them all the time, I can see the gates perfectly from the cliffs" Hongjoong chuckles, and Yeosang screws his eyes shut "No more talk about the cliffs please! You'll put me in a fucking early grave" Yeosang groans.

Yeosang rises from his seat, pushing at Wooyoung's shoulder with yet another sigh "That's enough I think, don't you have classes to teach?" Yeosang says as he pushes Wooyoung inside, who begrudgingly agrees. "And Seonghwa has a whole lot of filing to do" Yeosang ads, looking pointedly at Hongjoong who blushes ever so slightly. Seonghwa stands as well, looking down at Hongjoong as Yeosang pushes Wooyoung back through the library. 

"Stay and keep me company?" Seonghwa asks, feeling the last of last night's awkwardness begin to disappear, Hongjoong beams at him, nodding excitedly "Of course, Seonghwa!" he says with a wide smile on his face. 

Seonghwa smiles back, as something falls back into place between himself and the glowing boy before him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come yell at me on twt @_hanjisungie


	7. s e v e n

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im so sorry it's been over a week since I updated! I'm struggling a bit mentally lately so it's taking me a while to write! Hope you guys enjoy!!

Seonghwa barely makes it through another two boxes of filing in the hours after his shared - and interrupted - break with Yeosang. Hongjoong is completely to blame for Seonghwa’s decline in productivity, as he waltz's around Seonghwa all afternoon whining or rambling and simply demanding all of Seoghwas attention. The boy is much like a walking, talking, children's fairytale character….Flouncing around with his shaggy mullet and bright smile soaking up every inch of light in the dingy room. Seonghwa is enamoured by him, fascinated in a way he is certain he never had been for a person....All he wants is to know everything about what makes the sunshine boy tick, then a bit more beyond that.  _ I don’t remember you, so you have to tell me it all, don’t leave a single detail out.  _ Seonghwa almost laughs at the notion; imagining himself blurting out something like that to Hongjoong.  _ If only it was as simple as asking them; refresh my memory about…..Our entire childhoods.  _ Hongjoong finally seems to settle as the late afternoon settles over the library, lying on his back with his arms thrown open in a patch of sun he has claimed as his own. Seonghwa picks up one of the last files from the box he was currently working on, laying it carefully in the bed of the printer and scanning. “Can you dance, Seonghwa?” Hongjoong asks, rolling over onto his stomach and propping his head on his hand to oggle Seonghwa.

Seonghwa looks at him for a moment,  _ just  _ to make sure he isn’t playing some kind of practical joke, before scoffing at him. “No, Hongjoong….Why would I be able to-” Seonghwa scoffs, and Hongjoongs mouth immediately contorts into a devious smile “Correct answer” He chuckles, jumping to his feet and rushing forwards to grab Seonghwa, pulling him away from the printer. Seonghwa sputters and tries to pull his arm free “Hongjoong! I’m not done-” He tries to plead, but Hongjoong only turns and yells towards Yeosang desk “We’re out of here, Yeosang! I’ll bring him back tomorrow!” Hongjoong yells, and Seonghwa looks on with astonishment as Yeosang doesn’t even raise his head…Just lifts his arm and waves as they walk through the sliding glass door. Hongjoong finally releases him then, turning and walking backwards as he smirks at Seonghwa….A small smile which makes Seonghwa falter in his step. “You’re gonna get me fired” Seonghwa sighs, and Hongjoong looks up to the bleeding sky as he laughs “I think you could burn the place down and Yeosang would still hesitate firing you” Hongjoong giggles. 

Seonghwa shakes his head, looking on as Hongjoong walks towards the street, finally turning to walk forwards. “Where are we going anyway?” Seonghwa asks, and Hongjoong drops back to link arms with him as they turn left and away from the main street of town. “San and Wooyoung run the dance studio now, did you know? They do lessons for kids and stuff, it’s pretty adorable” Hongjoong rambles, smiling down at his feet as he kicks at stones. Seonghwa knits his eyebrows together as he looks at him “Yeah, what does that have to do with me-” Seonghwa scoffs, and Hongjoong flashes him yet another conniving smile “Dance is a very essential skill, Hwa, a resume essential! So I think it would be  _ beyond _ beneficial if you took a class or two-” Hongjoong says, sing-songy and sweet. Seonghw stops dead in his tracks, eyes wide “Absolutely not, Hongjoong!” 

Hongjoong pulls on his arm again, and Seonghwa goes with him like it would kill him to resist Hongjoong tugging him into his personal little orbit. Seonghwa’s protests die on his tongue….. _ Guess I’m getting a dance lesson…. _

_ ….. _

The dance studio was adorable, because  _ of course  _ it was….It was being run by San and Wooyoung after all. It was only a few streets away from the library, a small white building with a slanted roof and a gravel carpark. There is a sign at the end of the driveway that Hongjoong dramatically points at as they walk past "My handiwork!" He beams, and Seonghwa can't help but smile at the pure pride in his voice "Amazing, I'm surprised you can even  _ spell  _ studio-" Seonghwa teases, making Hongjoong frown. Seonghwa chuckles, walking up to bump Hongjoong with his shoulder as he passes him. Hongjoong brightens up instantly with the small touch, and plots along beside Seonghwa as they walk towards the entrance. "I don't know if you remember what it  _ used _ to look like, but San and Wooyoung have worked ridiculously hard to get this place looking like this" Hongjoong says, and Seonghwa nods as he takes in the small building.

Hongjoong pushes open the door, causing a small bell to ring, and they both step inside. Inside is just as cute as outside, and Seonghwas eyes are instantly drawn to the class happening in front of him. The studio appears to only be one room, but it's slightly larger than Seonghwa was expecting, with scuffed wooden floors and a perfectly polished mirror taking up the entirety of the far wall. San was in front of the mirror, leading a class of fifteen or so young children. Wooyoung was at the back of the class, helping a few of the smallest ones who clearly were struggling. Seonghwa watches with a soft smile as the two of them lead their little class, and Hongjoong leans his weight ever so slightly against Seonghwa's side, making his heart flutter in his chest. Seonghwa's attention is drawn away from Hongjoongs comforting weight against his side and back towards the front of the room when the music ends and San immediately claps and turns around "That's enough for tonight everyone! We'll see you next week!" San says, his face bright and beaming as he peers down at his tiny dancers. The kids all immediately launch into conversation with either San or with each other, and Wooyoung calls out over the small rukus "Keep practising at home!" He says, patting kids on the head as they pass on the way to where their parents wait in the parking lot.

They ogle at Seonghwa as they pass, tiny faces looking up at him as if he's an alien. Hongjoong waves at them, smiling and laughing as they return his beaming smile. Seonghwa tries to smile, hoping it doesn't come off as a grimace, but is quickly saved from the prying eyes of the children when Wooyoung calls out "To what do we owe this visit?" Wooyoung says, coming over to where Hongjoong and Seonghwa were waiting. "Hwa!" San calls out, rushing over to join them. "You guys done for the day?" Hongjoong asks, and both San and Wooyoung nod. "Yep that was our last class, why-" Wooyoung chuckles, but is cut off when Hongjoong lets out an excited squeal and rushes for the centre of the room. San goes with him instantly, and Wooyoung looks at Seonghwa with tired eyes "What on  _ earth  _ has he dragged you into now, huh?" He asks, and Seonghwa sighs " _ Apparently _ a dance lesson". Wooyoung laughs, turning to look at where San and Hongjoong were huddling together in the centre of the room, clearly scheming.

Seonghwa accepts his fate, and takes a step towards them "Wanna get this over with, hmm?" Seonghwa sighs, and Hongjoong instantly whips towards him….The same smile that always leaves Seonghwa reeling worn proudly on his face. Seonghwa swallows, and San rushes towards him with open arms. Wooyoung laughs as San grabs hold of both of Seonghwa's arms, towing him into the centre of the studio and forcing him into a small spin. Seonghwa hears Wooyoung and Hongjoong laugh, and Hongjoong claps a few times at the small display. San lets him go then, standing back and putting his hands on his hips as he regards Seonghwa in front of him. "So, where shall we start?" San asks, and Wooyoung waltzes over to assess Seonghwa beside him. "What about a demonstration?" Hongjoong calls out, and San instantly rolls his eyes "Hwa saw  _ plenty _ of me dancing when we were kids, I'm sure he doesn't want-" San moans, but Seonghwa is quick to cut him off.

"Show me" Seonghwa calls out, catching Sans shocked expression and Hongjoongs soft smile over his shoulder. "It's…..Been years, refresh my memory" Seonghwa tacks on, trying to keep his voice calm. San looks to the floor, smiling to himself, and Wooyoung bumps his shoulder with his own "C'mon then, give our city boy here a good show" Wooyoung says, winking at San as he lifts his head. San looks at Seonghwa once more, before sighing and making his way towards the speaker "Well…..If you insist" he sighs, and Hongjoong lets out another round of clapping as he rushes over to grab Seonghwa.  _ Do I need to be towed everywhere? Is that it? Can't I just walk myself!  _ Hongjoong plops himself down on the floor, pulling Seonghwa down with him. Wooyoung joins them shortly after, and Seonghwa finds himself pressed between the two tiny men. San seems to settle on a track, pressing play and walking back to the centre of the room. He looks down at where they all sit for a moment, before catching his own eyes in the mirror - and lurching into motion.

Watching San move, makes Seonghwa feel dizzy -  _ how could I have possibly forgotten this?  _ Every movement is precise and purposeful, yet he still manages to look as if he's simply  _ floating  _ through each step. Seonghwa can't help but look slightly to his left, towards Wooyoung…..Who looks as if he's watching something life altering. Seonghwa blushes on his behalf, turning back to watch San as he throws himself around. His performance comes to an end in front of them, on his knees with a yearning expression on his face as the music fades to silence. They all freeze for a few moments, soaking up the new and almost heavy atmosphere San created in the studio. But the peace doesn't last long, as when Hongjoong is fully convinced that San is finished he bursts into a round of applause, whooping and cheering like a child. A smile breaks Sans serious expression, eating it away as Wooyoung joins in the applause. Seonghwa manages to shake his own shock and clap as well, breathing out a soft " _ Wow"  _ as Wooyoung launches forwards and tackles San in a fierce hug….Sending them both sprawling backwards onto the floor.

"Amazing right?" Hongjoong chirps, and Seonghwa nods quickly at him "Beyond amazing….Really San, that was something else" Seonghwa says, a wave of pride washing over him recalling the talent of the friend he barely knew in front of him. San seems to be vibrating with pride, but shrugs none the less as Wooyoung settles in his lap "It's nothing much, I just have a lot of time-" San sighs, and Seonghwa sits up bolt upright "You should be auditioning for  _ company's,  _ San" Hongjoong calls out before Seonghwa can, so Seonghwa nods rapidly in agreement. "I've been telling him that for years" Wooyoung sighs, passing his hand through San's hair and smiling down at him with pure pride….And a bit of something else Seonghwa couldn't fully identify. "No way….I could never, plus….I like it right here" San mumbles, looking up at Wooyoung. Seonghwa sighs, noticing straight away that the sentiment didn't quite reach San's warm eyes….. _ You're too talented for a small town, Choi San.  _ Hongjoong clearly senses tension, and is quick to break it by jumping to his feet "Right! Your turn Hwa!" Hongjoong calls out, pulling at Seonghwa's shirt and forcing him to stumble to his feet. 

Seonghwa whines like a child, trying to plant his feet and resist Hongjoongs insistent tugging. His efforts are completely useless, of course, as when Hongjoong bats his ridiculously long eyelashes at him any resolve Seonghwa may have had simply melts away. San and Wooyoung are on their feet as well "Let's try some improv then!" Wooyoung calls out and San nods in agreement "Why don't I just  _ watch!  _ I've always learned best when I watch others-" Seonghwa groans, a last ditch effort to try and get out of whatever the hell was going on here. Hongjoong turns and wiggles his finger at Seonghwa, cooking his head "Nice try, my darling, but not a chance" Hongjoong teases, and Seonghwa throws his head back "I've been at work all day-" He whines, but is cut off when music pours out of the speakers once again. Its' horrifically loud and full of base, enough to make Seonghwa cringe. His cringe is wiped clear off of his face however, when Seonghwa catches sight of Hongjoong.

He has his arms raised over his head, crossed together at the wrists and his head thrown back, smiling with his mouth wide open. Hongjoong swivels his hips, keeping his legs together as he slowly twists down then letting them open in some horrifically sweet version of a slut drop….. _ He looks like be belongs in a city club at 3am washed pink by LED lights…..Not in a small down dance studio at 6pm.  _ Seonghwa is so enamoured with watching Hongjoong swing his hips to the music, the memory of how he looked in a  _ skirt  _ returning ten-fold, that Seonghwa doesn't even realise San has crept up to him. San snatches Seonghwa's hand, towing him towards where Wooyoung has now started to dance beside Hongjoong, one hand over his shoulder and laughing alone with Hongjoong. Seonghwa is in another  _ realm,  _ snapping out of it only when Hongjoong finally directs his blinding smile at him. Seonghwa tries to relax, as San urges him to dance along with them…..Seonghwa knows it's only a game, a light hearted thing that shouldn't make his stomach knot with anxiety…..And yet here he is. 

Hongjoong takes a step towards him -  _ A cliffs edge with a crumbling path, a red gate, and a twirling skirt -  _ Seonghwa takes a step back, but not fast enough. Hongjoong takes each of Seonghwa's hands in his own and begins to twist him, laughing over the horrible EDM track as he forces Seonghwa to 'dance' beside him. Seonghwa only goes stiffer, and Hongjoong groans, barely heard over the music "We aren't leaving until you at least  _ try!"  _ He wails, and Seonghwa regrettably tries to twist in time with Hongjoong. The boy lets out an excited squeal and tries to spin Seonghwa around him. Somehow, and it really  _ is  _ a mystery to him, something seems to snap inside Seonghwa….And he lets go. It's as if he exhales and a part of himself goes with it, and his anxiety is simply sucked away. Seonghwa lets his head fall back, shamelessly dancing alongside the three small town enigmas surrounding him. They all holler in support of Seonghwa's new and apparent enthusiasm for freestyle dance, and the rest fades away as Seonghwa simply  _ lives. _

Seonghwa loses track of time, letting it slip away from him in a way that seems to be happening more and more now that the city he once called home was a thing of the past. Seonghwa looks at Hongjoong, lost in his own universe as he dances away….And thinks that he may be a force more powerful than time itself. Seonghwa is regrettably yanked from their little pocket dimension however, when his back pocket begins to vibrate. Seonghwa sighs and plucks it out to inspect the screen, his chest constricting when he sees 'Yunho♡' on the screen, just under where his clock was still frozen.  _ Wait….I didn't call them yesterday _ …. _ Or the day before? How could I have forgotten to do that? _ Seonghwa sighs and starts to walk backwards, hearing Hongjoong protest as he goes "It's Yunho! I have to take this!" Seonghwa calls out. Hongjoong's pout doesn't lessen, but Wooyoung waves him off "Tell him I said hi!" Wooyoung calls out, just as Seonghwa turns and walks out of the door, immediately missing being the subject of Hongjoongs smile.

Seonghwa shivers as the night air greets him, shocked at how fast it had gotten dark. Seonghwa accepts the call and quickly presses his phone to his ear, crossing his arm over his chest to block out the wind "Yunho! Hi-" he says into the phone, trying to sound positive. He doesn't even make halfway through his greeting when Yunho starts to yell " _ Ya!  _ What the hell Seonghwa?! I've been trying to call you for two days!" Yunho wails, and Seonghwa pauses…. _ Two days? How could I have missed that? I would have had notifications-  _ Seonghwa shakes his head, trying to clear the questions quickly filling his mind "I'm so sorry! I uh….I broke my phone! I'm using one of Wooyoung's old ones now" Seonghwa rushes out, the lie feeling heavy and tasting bitter on his tongue. Yunho sighs "You gave me,  _ and _ Jongho, a fucking heart attack" he snaps, and Seonghwa lowers his head in shame. "I'm sorry, I really am" he mumbles, and Yunho seems to forgive him easily…..As per usual. "As long as you're  _ alive  _ I suppose it's fine, how are you?" Yunho asks.

It's like an  _ instinct  _ for Seonghwa, to turn around and look back through the glass…..At where Hongjoong stands, arms crossed and laughing at something San must have said. " _ Good"  _ Seonghwa breathes out, not meaning to sound anywhere near as  _ whipped  _ as he did. Yunho chuckles "I'm glad, settling in to being a proper cowboy then?" Yunho teases, making Seonghwa scoff "A  _ cowboy? _ Hilarious, I don't think there's one horse in town-" Seonghwa groans, making Yunho bark out a laugh. "What a shame, I think you'd look cute as hell in a little cowboy hat!" Yunho squeals, and Seonghwa only rolls his eyes as he tears his line of sight away from Hongjoong. "How's work?" Seonghwa asks, sitting down on the curb and tucking his knees to his chest. "Bland….Joy sucking….Soul crushing-" Yunho drawls out, and Seonghwa shakes his head "The usual then?" Seonghwa asks, and Yunho only sighs in response. "Speaking of, I got a job!" Seonghwa says, and Yunho let's out a confused "Hmn?" On the other line. Seonghwa looks down, kicking a small rock "Yeah, Yeosang gave me one….I'm a  _ library clerk"  _ Seonghwa scoffs.

Yunho laughs with him " _ God,  _ sounds positively awful….Very your style! I can't believe Yeosang's even still working there! But….A job? So you're planning to stay there a while huh?" Yunho asks, and the thinly veiled sadness in his voice at the prospect of Seonghwa being away long-term is not lost on him….And Seonghwas heart aches at the soft hurt in his friend's tone. Seonghwa sighs "I don't know, Yunho…..It's been really  _ good  _ for me here so far, it's helping me….clear my head" Seonghwa tries to sound clear, but falls short as per usual. "Whatever you need, Hwa….Even before you lost the job you seemed…. _ Suffocated?  _ So I'm glad the fresh air is helping" Yunho says, and Seonghwa smiles as the words wash over him "I'll come back, I mean it" Seonghwa chokes out, Hongjoongs name instantly flashing behind his eyelids at the prospect of going home. Yunho is quick to ease his mind "Yeah I know, Hwa….When you're  _ ready"  _ he says, his voice as sincere as always.

Seonghwa sucks in a breath, quickly changing the conversation "Is Jongho there?" He asks, and Yunho chuckles softly "Asleep, I tried to get him to stay up to talk to you and he got pissy….Something about how if you wanted to talk you'd call  _ us _ " Yunho says, making Seonghwa groan "Can you tell him it was my phone, please? I wasn't ignoring you both!" Seonghwa moans, and Yunho only chuckles louder "Yes yes I will, he'll probably still be stroppy" Yunho assures Seonghwa, who smiles at the memory of his friend's constant frown. "Tell him he's going to get bloody wrinkles if he keeps up with the amount of frowning he does" Seonghwa laughs, and Yunho is quick to join him. Their laughter slowly subsides, and the conversation falls naturally silent, never tense. Seonghwa turns back over his shoulder, where he sees Wooyoung and San walking towards the door with their bags, Hongjoong between them. Seonghwa rises to his feet as he talks "I should probably go, I'll call you tomorrow I  _ promise"  _ Seonghwa says, and Yunho sighs on the other end "I'll hold you to that country boy, have a good night!" He says, and Seonghwa smiles into the phone "Goodnight, Yunho" he mumble, and Yunho responds only by making a loud kissing noise into the phone before he hangs up.

Seonghwa walks towards where the other three have just exited the dance studio, San flicking off the lights as he goes and Wooyoung pulling a set of keys from his pocket to lock the door behind them. Seonghwa locks eyes with Hongjoong, who flashes him a comforting smile as they meet each other halfway in the darkness. "How were they?" Wooyoung asks as he locks the door, and Seonghwa shrugs "They're fine….I think work is starting to get to them" Seonghwa sighs, and San flashes Seonghwa a sympathetic smile "I can imagine, I could never see myself living somewhere like that…..So claustrophobic" San sighs, and Seonghwa hums in agreement. He has to agree, all of his eclectic group of friends here have the same air about them…..They're built to live in open spaces, sprawling fields bigger than Seonghwa knew to be possible yet they  _ still _ suck up all the light in every place they go. Seonghwa thinks of Yunho….and how much the sunshine would bring out his natural honey skin, and how maybe Jonghos smile would return for longer than a fleeting moment if he was given room to breathe. 

"C'mon Hwa, let's get you home….You look exhausted" Hongjoong says, wrapping his fingers around Seonghwa's wrist as they all walk across the carpark. Seonghwa only nods, letting himself float along beside the smaller boy. "Yeosangs on his way, with Mingi I assume" San calls out as they walk towards the main road, the light of San's phone screen on his face as he texts Yeosang being the only thing to break up the darkness. They all wait patiently, huddled together and yawning…..Until the roaring of the red truck causes them all to look up. Yeosang comes to a sudden stop in front of them, the brake pads screeching as the truck comes to a halt. They all pile in, mumbling greetings in sleepy voices. Mingi isn't with Yeosang, which makes a small part of Seonghwa sad…..This is very quickly overridden however when he realises that Mingi's absence means he won't have to sit in the tray of the truck. Wooyoung sits in the front, and Seonghwa somehow finds himself in the middle seat in the back. Seonghwa greets Yeosang softly "Thanks, Yeosang" he says, and Yeosang smiles at him in the mirror.

Beside that, they drive in relative silence, with Wooyoung and San recounting small stories from their day teaching classes. As they sail along the smooth tarmac, Seonghwa feels Hongjoong slowly teeter sideways….Until his head falls onto Seonghwa's shoulder. Seonghwa looks down at him immediately, letting his chest fill with butterflies at Hongjoongs completely relaxed face when he sleeps. Seonghwa doesn't fully realise he's doing it….When his fingers crawl across his own thighs to link with Hongjoongs, but he definitely doesn't regret it when their palms slide together so story-book perfectly that it makes his head spin. Seonghwa must lose himself in time again, as it only feels like mere seconds have passed since he linked his hand with Hongjoongs when they arrive at his house. Yeosang turns in his seat, sighing softly as he sees Hongjoongs sleeping form "Hongjoong" Seonghwa whispers, leaning down to gently shake Hongjoong whose eyes slowly flutter open, making Seonghwa's stomach flip.

Hongjoong yawns and sits up, shaking his head and blinking away the last dregs of his nap. Yeosang chuckles lightly "You staying here then?" Yeosang asks, and Hongjoong nods with a soft chuckle. Seonghwa instantly blushes, for reasons he's unsure of, and is instantly grateful when Hongjoong turns and pops open the door. Seonghwa flashes a small smile at everyone in the truck as he follows Hongjoong out into the cold night, waving and bidding them a good night. Yeosang calls out "See you tomorrow, Seonghwa!" As they reverse away, and Seonghwa nods in acknowledgement. By the time the truck has disappeared down the main road, Hongjoong is on the patio and yawning yet again. Seonghwa rushes up beside him, unlocking the door and pushing it open to usher a very sleepy Hongjoong inside. Hongjoong smiles up at Seonghwa as if he hung him a star, not simply  _ opened a door,  _ and shuffles inside. 

As soon as they're in the hallway and the door is locked behind them, Seonghwa calls out to Hongjoong again "Hungry?" He asks, and Hongjoong shakes his head. Instead, he walks up to Seonghwa and gently  _ collapses  _ against him. Seonghwa gasps as Hongjoong rests his head against his chest, his arms looping around Seonghwa's narrow waist and gently fisting Seonghwa's shirt between his fingers. Seonghwa instantly lifts his arms, bringing them to slowly curl around Hongjoongs shoulders, fully expecting the boy to simply turn back to stardust in his arms. Hongjoong breaths against Seonghwa's chest, warm and steady as if he was falling asleep, and Seonghwa nervously tries to talk to him "You okay?" He manages to choke out, and Hongjoong hums in response, pulling Seonghwa slightly closer so their chests are flushed. Seonghwa feels Hongjoongs heart thrumming beside his own, and the sensation makes him shiver.

"What do you think about fate, Seonghwa?" Hongjoong asks, barely a whisper into Seonghwa's chest. Seonghwa blinks in confusion, looking down at the top of Hongjoong's head under the weight of the strange question. He's painted in moonlight, making him feel and look even more ethereal than Seonghwa thought possible. "Like….Do I think it exists?" Seonghwa asks, his voice coming out shaky and nervous. Hongjoong simply nods, and Seonghwa's brows knit together as he thinks "I think…..Fate pushes us where we need to be, put us in the right place, but at the end of the day we make the choices that drive our lives" Seonghwa settles on, and Hongjoong hums in agreement "I think people are fated to connect" Hongjoong says, and Seonghwa tilts his head in confusion "Connect?" He asks, and revels in the way Hongjoong chuckles against his chest "I think people are connected, through time and fate…..And that no matter what, if they're meant to be together the universe will bring them back together…..I believe fate is stronger than anything else" Hongjoong rambles.

_ Fate.  _ The word sits heavy in Seonghwa's chest 

"I think that's a beautiful idea, Hongjoong…." Seonghwa sighs, letting his voice trail off. Hongjoong pulls away ever so slightly, letting his head fall back to look up at Seonghwa in the dimly moonlit hallway. He looks ethereal as always, fairy-like and almost painted monochrome in the grey light. "I think if we have deeds unfinished, leaves unturned…..Then fate will tie us down until we finish them" Hongjoong mumbles, and though Seonghwa has no idea what he means….He sees the sadness in Hongjoongs eyes and instantly wants to wipe it away. Seonghwa smiles softly "Do you think fate brought me back here, Hongjoong?" Seonghwa asks, and Hongjoong shakes his head "No, but I think I did" Hongjoong says, another statement that makes no sense in Seonghwa's muddled mind. Hongjoong seems to come to his senses then, shaking his head and smiling as he loses the dream-like air that seems to have temporarily seized him. Seonghwa chuckles as well "Well here I am, huh?" He breathes out, and Hongjoong nods.

Seonghwa doesn't know why he does it; but it feels like the most natural thing in the world when he leans down and presses a soft kiss to Hongjoongs cheek, pausing there for a moment before drawing back and looking down at Hongjoong with wide eyes. Hongjoong cocks his head, an easy smile on his face as he sighs "You missed, dummy" he chuckles which makes Seonghwa  _ instantly  _ choke. Hongjoong laughs, shaking his head as he turns and walks down the hall "I'm not hungry, I'm going to bed!" He calls out, skipping up the stairs so casually as if he didn't just emotionally punch Seonghwa in the face.  _ I missed?  _ Seonghwa eventually regains control of himself, standing there in the hallway reeling in the darkness as he hears the soft click of his bedroom door shutting. Seonghwa manages to put one foot in front of the other, stumbling into the kitchen and flicking on the lights.  _ Missed? He couldn't have meant that I missed his  _ **_lips_ ** _ right?  _ Seonghwas brain supplies his already thrumming heart the thought, which Seonghwa  _ instantly  _ tries to bury away. 

Seonghwa pulls out a small container of pasta salad that they'd gotten from the store the previous day, grabbing a fork and plotting over to the small living room to dump himself on the couch. Seonghwa opens it with shaking hands and quickly forces himself to eat, reaching for the remote to turn on the small TV on the opposite side of the room. It's still on the same painfully dated documentary channel Hongjoong was watching the other day, not that Seonghwa even cares….He just needs some background noise to shut up his brain. Seonghwa eats in silence, trying to focus on chewing and not daydreaming about Hongjoong as he seems to be doing  _ constantly.  _ Seonghwa finishes up his small box of salad, placing the container beside him on the small table and shuffling down until he is lying flat on the couch, eyes trained on the TV in front of him. Seonghwa doesn't realise it when sleep begins to claim his tired body, each blink getting longer and longer as his consciousness slips away from him. 

Seonghwa is gently pulled under, and falls asleep with his head propped up against the armrest.

…. 

Seonghwa is yanked from his sleep. A stark difference to the gentle way it claimed him. He sits bolt upright as a slam resonates down the hall, clearly coming from the front door. Seonghwa blinks in the dark, becoming very aware that it is in fact still  _ dark  _ beyond the windows of the living room. Seonghwa stumbles to his feet, turning towards the hall "Hongjoong? Hongjoong was that you-" Seonghwa calls out, his heart slamming against his ribs as he stumbles towards the hall.  _ It has to be the middle of the fucking night! What's going on-  _ Seonghwa's mental whining is savagely cut off when Seonghwa rounds the corner and sees…..

_ Hongjoong. _

It is him, undoubtedly, but it also very much is _not._ He's soaked, wearing a white shirt so saturated it clings to his terribly skinny torso and dark blue dress pants plastered to his thighs….. _A school_ _uniform_. He looks impossibly _small,_ standing there in the hallway shivering. Seonghwa notices then that his lips are blue…..And his _red hair_ is dripping water onto his shoulders and down his chin. Seonghwa heaves, instantly pressing his eyes shut and opening them, which usually got rid of this strange figment of Hongjoongs past that Seonghwa seems to constantly be catching a glimpse of….. _I'm going insane, first the memories and now_ ** _this._** Seonghwa is frozen in shock, when Hongjoong lurches towards him " _Hwa"_ he chokes out, broken and sounding so painfully _young._ Seonghwa barely manages to brace himself when Hongjoong crashes into him, clutching at his shirt and looking up at him with pain beyond imagination swimming in his eyes.

_ This is a dream….I'm dreaming surely- _

"H-Hongjoong-" Seonghwa chokes out, his arms frozen at his sides as Hongjoong trembles against him, shaking his head as he sobs "Seonghwa  _ please  _ help me!" Hongjoong wails, physically contorting under the weight of his own sobbing….And Seonghwa still can't force himself to move. "W-What? Help?" Seonghwa stammers, and Hongjoong only cries harder "You  _ can't  _ leave me here! He's going to kill me Seonghwa, as soon as he finds out he's going too-" Hongjoong sobs, barely able to utter words between each heaving breath. Seonghwas eyes widen, and he wills his hands to reach up towards Hongjoong but they refuse to move. "Who? Who Hongjoong-" Seonghwa forces out, but is cut off when Hongjoongs head flies up, his eyes wide open as he looks up at Seonghwa "H-Hwa?' He calls out, looking around Seonghwa as if he can no longer see him. Hongjoong takes a trembling step backwards, his pale and shaking hands clasping over his own mouth as he backs away "Hongjoong? W-What is it? Tell me who's going to hurt you-" Seonghwa rushes out, looking down at himself before back up at the truly  _ terrified  _ figment of Hongjoong infont of him.

Seonghwa is floored, left breathless at just how  _ real  _ this feels for a dream. Real enough to make his heart race and his chest tremor. Hongjoongs tears flow faster, and without warning he falls to the floor in a heap "Hongjoong!" Seonghwa calls out, taking a shaking step forward towards the boy as his sobs grow louder and louder.  _ This is wrong, Hongjoong…..Hongjoong…..Hongjoong tell me what's happening.  _ Hongjoong lifts his head then "Seonghwa  _ please!  _ Where are you?! Don't leave me here  _ please!"  _ Hongjoong screams, a horrific sound that makes Seonghwa's knees buckle as he stumbles towards him. "I'm  _ here  _ Hongjoong, please tell me-" Seonghwa pleads, but the teenage Hongjoong on the floor falling to pieces in front of him continues to look around, frantic and desperate….. _ He can't see me, oh God….he can't see me.  _ Seonghwa drops to his knees in front of him, trying to catch his eyes " _ Hongjoong"  _ Seonghwa breathes out, feeling his own lip quiver as tears build.

" _ Seonghwa _ " Hongjoong sobs out, folding forwards as he cries, tears mixing with water as they stream down his cheeks. "I'm here, I'm  _ right here"  _ Seonghwa chokes out, barely above a whisper as he can't tear his eyes away from the destroyed shell of  _ his  _ Hongjoong in front of him. "Don't  _ go"  _ Hongjoong chokes out. It's the final straw that breaks him, and Seonghwa's hands instantly fly up to clutch his face, wet and  _ cold…. _ The coldest thing Seonghwa could ever remember touching. " _ Please  _ Hongjoong….I'm here, angel, I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere-" Seonghwa pleads with him, despite being very sure that the Hongjoong in front of him could not see or hear him. Hongjoongs eyes fly around, looking  _ straight  _ through Seonghwa even as he desperately clutches at him. Seonghwas chest gives in and he lets out a hollow sob, tears flowing freely as he strokes at Hongjoongs icy cheek….. _ I'm  _ **_here_ ** _ , Hongjoong.  _ Hongjoong draws back, clutching his own chest as he screws his eyes shut "I can't live without you" he chokes out.

_ Hongjoong…..Such youth…...Where is your sunshine? _

Seonghwa blinks rapidly through his own tears, his hands hovering out in front of him where he had been holding Hongjoongs pale face. Hongjoong is stumbling to his feet then, and Seonghwa looks up at him from the ground "No Hongjoong, I'm  _ here…. _ You just can't see me….You just can't-" Seonghwa pleads, airy and destroyed as Hongjoong stumbles away from him, dripping wet and drowning in his own tears as he stumbles backwards through the doorway he had thrown open. Seonghwa can do nothing but watch as it swings closed after him, he heaves out a sob, stumbling to his feet with a hollow scream as he chases after the shell of Hongjoong. Seonghwa throws open the door, crying out "Hongjoong  _ wait!"  _ As he does. He instantly halts when he steps outside, finding himself…..Not on his porch at all.

Seonghwa is standing on a hill, in front of him is a red arch….Two pillars about two meters apart and a third sloping one on top to connect them, much like the kind he saw in Japanese gardens and in films. Seonghwas eyes fly up to see….Hongjoong. He looks so  _ young  _ still, but is no longer crying, or wet. Instead he looks  _ absent,  _ standing in the middle of the arch. He looks so unlike himself, hunched slightly and looking at Seonghwa with the saddest smile he'd ever seen " _ Hongjoong _ " Seonghwa chokes out, and Hongjoong lowers his chin as he regards him "Can you see me? Hongjoong tell me you can see me-" Seonghwa chokes out, taking a stumbling step towards him. Hongjoong says nothing, and it's like a strong wind catches him, a wind Seonghwa cannot feel at all….A shocked expression suddenly appears on his face, and Hongjoong's legs seem to be yanked out from underneath him.

Time slows as Hongjoong falls backwards through the arch, his arms flailing and his mouth falls open. Seonghwa's legs lurch into action and he sprints forwards, his arms outstretched to try and grab Hongjoong before he hits the ground. " _ NO!"  _ Seonghwa screams, and his fingers brush against the material of Hongjoongs shirt….but he does not catch him. Seonghwa wails as he watches Hongjoong fall towards….. _ I can't see it, where did the ground go?  _ Seonghwa screams again as he's thrown forwards, through the gates and towards a sea of  _ black. _

_ Hongjoong…..Hongjoong where did you go? I'm right here  _ **_please!_ **

"SEONGHWA!" 

Seonghwa hits something solid with a thump, instantly curling in on himself with a groan and a broken sob. He forces his eyes open and sees…. _ gravel?  _ Seonghwa pushes himself up on his shaking arms, looking up and seeing his own driveway. Seonghwa heaves out a breath, quickly turning around, almost sobbing in relief when he sees his  _ house.  _ And on the porch….. _ Hongjoong,  _ with his sandy mullet and pyjamas looking beyond  _ horrified  _ as he looks down at Seonghwa. Seonghwa sobs instantly, and Hongjoong throws himself off of the porch as he runs towards Seonghwa " _ No!"  _ Seonghwa screams at him, throwing his arm out, making Hongjoong come to a halt in the middle of the driveway, blinking in pure confusion. "You'll  _ fall"  _ Seonghwa chokes out, and he can see Hongjoong choke out a breath even in the dark and with his vision completely clouded by tears. Hongjoong shakes his head "I won't, my darling I promise you I won't-" Hongjoong shushes him, walking slowly towards Seonghwa who continues to blindly shake his head and cryl.

As soon as Hongjoong is within reaching distance, Seonghwa tugs him to the floor, wrapping his arms and legs around him as he engulfs his tiny trembling figure. " _ Seonghwa,  _ you were dreaming….It's all okay now, I'm here" Hongjoong whispers in his ear, stroking Seonghwas head as he heaves in one broken breath after another. "You must have sleep-walked out here, you're alright now" Hongjoong continues to coo, and Seonghwa only pulls him closer "I'm  _ here  _ Hongjoong" he chokes out, speaking the shattered words into Hongjoongs now tear-soaked shoulder. Hongjoong nods "I know Hwa, you're home" Hongjoong breathes out, and Seonghwa feels him tremble.

_ A dream…..It has to have been a dream  _

Then Seonghwa slides his hands up Hongjoongs back….All the way to the edge of his shirt…..halting there when he feels something.

_ His hair is wet….. _


	8. e i g h t

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> """"A small chapter"""""   
> 9k words later   
> Also sorry it took over a week again I was very suddenly fired last week so I've been having a super super stressful time just living atm, I did my best!

Seonghwa holds Hongjoong impossibly closer, his hands fisting in Hongjoongs damp hair and desperately trying to slow his thrumming heart. Hongjoong is  _ clearly  _ beyond confused, his hands flying all over Seonghwa's back whispering small comforts in his ear. Seonghwa slowly forces himself to draw back, tears streaming down his face as he trembles " _ Hwa,  _ are you okay?" Hongjoong whispers to him, and Seonghwa manages to nod slowly as he lets his hands fall away from Hongjoongs hair and fist in the front of his shirt. At that moment a particularly harsh gust of wind brushes past them, making Seonghwa tremble. Hongjoong whines and drags Seonghwa closer, his hands petting at his cheeks. "We should go inside, sweetheart….You're gonna catch your death out here" Hongjoong mutters, passing his hands through Seonghwa's hair. Seonghwa nods again, not able to do much else as his throat feels as if it's closing up. Hongjoong slowly pulls away, clamouring to his feet. Seonghwa whines as the contact is lost, and is quick to get to his feet and grasp Hongjoong again.

Seonghwa looks firmly at the dusty driveway between his bare feet as he feels Hongjoongs eyes on him, full of a worry that Seonghwa can't bear. He sees his young face behind Seonghwa's own eyelids, a small voice calling out ' _ Don't leave me' _ . The memory of the dream that felt so terrifyingly real makes Seonghwa's knees buckle and a choked sob escape his lips. Hongjoong immediately gasps and lurches forwards, his hands once again going to Seonghwa's damp cheeks to try and urge him to look up. Seonghwa eventually gives in, and when he meets Hongjoongs eyes he could have fallen to pieces right there and then. Hongjoong was  _ aching,  _ for Seonghwa's sake, and Seonghwa feels another wave of tears slide down his cheeks. Hongjoong wraps his hands around Seonghwa's wrists, where they're clutching at his shirt, and slowly starts to pull him backwards. Seonghwa goes easily, letting Hongjoong tow him across the porch and inside the open front door. In the dim light of the hall Seonghwa can see Hongjoong fully; dressed in a huge shirt that brushes his thighs and his hair mused from sleep…..And dry. Seonghwa feels a headache instantly form….. _ His hair was wet outside, I can't have imagined that.  _

Seonghwa winces and releases Hongjoongs shirt, making him frown. Hongjoong weaves his fingers in between Seonghwas and leads him upstairs, never once looking away from Seonghwa. Seonghwa is instantly relieved when they're back in his bedroom, the darkness offering relief from looking at Hongjoongs terrified expression as he looks at Seonghwa's as if he's going to fall apart right in front of him. Seonghwa makes for the mini stairs immediately, silently hoping that Hongjoong will follow him. Seonghwa feels his chest constrict when he hears the soft patting of Hongjoongs feet coming up the stairs, and the dip of the bed when the smaller boy joins him under the covers. 

Seonghwas head is  _ pounding  _ with questions left unanswered, with memories he doesn't have and flashes of red hair and tears in Hongjoong's eyes. He sees school uniforms and shaking hands and falling into  _ nothing _ . Hongjoongs past is unknown to him, and Seonghwa can't quite believe what he just saw was a dream, much like how seeing the same flash of Hongjoongs younger self in the city streets wasn't a dream…..It felt nothing like dreaming.  _ I know the difference between being awake and being asleep, between consciousness and dreaming…...Right?  _ Just as Seonghwa is falling deeper and deeper into his own head, Hongjoong is there. Who he is now is almost just as unknown to Seonghwa as the flickering image of his past, beyond the beaming smile and the shaggy hair Seonghwa knows very little about the boy who had already claimed a corner of his heart. Hongjoong doesn't hesitate to crawl into Seonghwa's space, he presses them together chest to chest and curls his arms around Seonghwa who easily melts into the embrace. 

Seonghwa doesn't realise he's slipping almost immediately to sleep, lulled by the heartbeat of the total stranger holding him together.

_ I just need one answer, one answer to the millions of questions I have…..Why did I leave Kim Hongjoong behind? _

….

When they're both pulled from sleep, and the comfort of each other's embrace,  _ they don't talk about it.  _ Seonghwa wakes up with his head tucked under Hongjoongs chin and one leg thrown over his much shorter one. Seonghwa is instantly embarrassed that he'd managed to crawl on top of him in his sleep, but the feeling fades when he feels Hongjoong carding a hand through his hair, and softly humming. Eventually Hongjoong catches on that Seonghwa is awake, and he smothers his cheeks in loud kisses and Seonghwa tries desperately to squirm away. Seonghwa ends up toppling off of the bed, landing on the small patch of floor beside it with his legs tangled and his eyes wide open. Hongjoong laughs louder then, leaning over the edge and looking down at Seonghwa who can do nothing but watch on as the sunshine boy beams. Eventually time slips sway and they're forced to get up. Hongjoong makes him eggs, and toast, and Mingi picks him up for work….Hongjoong doesn't come, he claims he has work to do but he'll catch up later.

As much as he tries, every time Seonghwa looks at Hongjoong he sees cherry red hair and his broken expression as he sobs in the hallway….He sees  _ fear  _ and betrayal as Hongjoong falls backwards. Seonghwa is afraid to blink too long, as the image is always there…. _ A memory that feels not my own.  _ Mingi pulls him from his own head eventually, turning down the radio and looking over at Seonghwa as he drives "Anybody home?" He calls out, making Seonghwa startle and looks over at where Mingi sits with a blinding smile plastered on his face. "You're a world away, Hwa" Mingi chuckles, and Seonghwa only sighs, shaking his head and looking back out towards the road. "I'm sorry Mingi, just….Rough night" Seonghwa mumbles, and Mingi cocks his head as he focuses back on the road. "Did something happen?" He asks, and Seonghwa shakes his head again.

"Just…..A  _ dream _ " he sighs, and Mingi hums "Not good, I'm guessing?" Mingi asks, and Seonghwa lets out a small puff of laughter. "No, not at all" Seonghwa says softly, and the conversation falls naturally silent yet again. Seonghwa yearns to ask, to try and get a shred of information to maybe clear some of the smoke surrounding his departure out of Mingi. Eventually it's a pull Seonghwa can't resist, and lets the question fall from his lips "Can I ask something, Mingi?" Seonghwa asks, and Mingi nods letting one hand slip off of the wheel to rest on the window ledge. "When I left, after highschool….How was Hongjoong?" Seonghwa asks, and Mingi's drumming hand on the steering wheel instantly stills. " _ Seonghwa"  _ he sighs, and Seonghwa instantly wishes he could take the question back "Don't worry-" Seonghwa rushes out, but Mingi speaks up again "He was a wreck, Seonghwa….It took him a year or so to even start smiling again" Mingi mutters, and Seonghwa instantly feels his chest restrict under the weight of a guilty conscious he didn't know he had.  _ Or maybe I just don't remember it.  _

They fall silent again, and Seonghwa looks pointedly out to the distance with his posture painfully stiff. They enter the town centre and round the corner to the library, but it's not until they actually stop in the carpark that Mingi speaks up again. Seonghwa was about to pull open the door, give his tall companion a quick and polite thanks and goodbye and slip away, but Mingi grabs his wrist before he can escape. Seonghwa lets out a small gasp, looking at Mingi with wide eyes "He forgives you, you know that right? We all do" Mingi says, tone dripping sincerity, and Seonghwa can only blink in shock "I think the only person who doesn't…..Is you" Mingi mumbles, clearly trying to be comforting. Seonghwa tries to smile, and nods….. _ I have no idea what he's talking about, forgive me for something?  _ Seonghwa recalls Hongjoongs sobbing form, dripping wet and broken, and shivers….. _ What did I do to these people? Why did I abandon them?  _ Seonghwa smiles and pulls open the door "Thanks for the ride, Mingi" Seonghwa says, and Mingi sighs….Nodding with an easy smile as Seonghwa slips away with a wave.

Seonghwa makes for the front entrance of the library as the truck reverses away from him, and can't help but think that whatever the  _ hell  _ happened to his memories is the universe punishing him for whatever he did in the summer of his senior year…..When he abandoned Hongjoong.

…

Seonghwa goes to work, tries to smile, and desperately wills away the phantom image of Hongjoong. Seonghwa doesn't remember much of his morning, floating from task to task and making gentle small talk with Yeosang to pass the time. Yeosang pokes his head around from behind a shelf some time after lunch, regarding Seonghwa with a soft smile "I'm heading out for the afternoon, I'll be back before closing" He says, and Seonghwa nods "Sure, see you then" Seonghwa responds, returning back to the box in front of him that's essentially falling apart. It takes a few moments before Seonghwa notices that Yeosang hasn't moved a muscle, and Seonghwa slowly turns to look at him. Yeosang stands with a sad smile on his face, looking at Seonghwa as if he was a kicked puppy. Seonghwa puts the box down and looks at Yeosang, opening his mouth to ask what's wrong but Yeosang beats him too it "Seonghwa….What's wrong with you today? You seem down" 

Seonghwa sighs, shaking his head "Nothing honestly, just a bad dream" Seonghwa mumbles, turning back to his box of papers. Yeosang sighs, and Seonghwa can physically feel the boys anxiety rolling off of him in waves…...He clearly wants to speak up again, press Seonghwa for more, but he doesn't. Yeosang turns and walks off, his shoulders sagging in a way that makes Seonghwa's heart ache for the umpteenth time in the already short day. Seonghwa hears the sliding glass doors shut, and feels almost  _ guilty  _ to be happy that he's finally alone.  _ Being alone is easier.  _ Seonghwa keeps working, silently and as quickly as he can with his completely frazzled brain. Eventually the afternoon sun begins to bleed through the windows, painting the room in a soft orange colour and causing the looming shelves to cast shadows in straight lines all across the room. Seonghwa finally finishes up with what he has decided will be his final box for the day, and steps out into the empty main floor of the library with his hands on his hips. Seonghwas eyes go instantly to the clock….. _ 4:38….. _ Seonghwa sighs, looking towards the door and the empty car park beyond.

_ Where on earth is Yeosang?  _ Seonghwa sighs and drops his head.  _ And Hongjoong….He promised he'd come by.  _ Seonghwa shakes his head, turning instead to aimlessly wander through the library. He floats from one section to the next, running his fingers across the spines of the hundreds of worn books, as dated as the town itself. Seonghwa eventually ends up in the back section of the library, a dark corner which Seonghwa has a sneaking suspicion is visited even less than the rest of the already desolate library. He looks up, reading the sign for the section….. _ Urban Myths & History.  _ Seonghwa chuckles, his mind instantly carrying him to the thought of the red gates the others discussed only the day before….A topic that had caused a strange feeling in his chest, one that he hasn't quite managed to shake. Seonghwa immediately begins to look harder at the titles of the books he brushes his fingers along, searching for something regarding the arches. Seonghwa is pleasantly surprised when he actually  _ finds  _ something, a book in the middle of one row which seems to jump out at him.

Seonghwa would like to say it was some kind of  _ pull  _ or a feeling but it was something a lot plainer than that….The book was red, with an arch painted in black on the spine, in an entire library full of black covers. Seonghwa immediately goes for the book, pulling it out and inspecting the cover which reads  _ 'The Arch In Mythical History; A Gate Beyond'  _ Seonghwa scoffs at the outlandish title, as if he could expect anything reasonable and understated in a  _ myths  _ section. Seonghwa runs his hands over the cover as he wanders back towards the main section of the building, dropping himself into an armchair and instantly flipping open the cover. Seonghwa stares down at the directory page, skimming down the list until he finds the sub-section  _ 'Arches in Asian History'  _ and immediately skips to that section, he skims through the section, full of images and blocks of text until one page stands out…..It's been drawn all over. Seonghwa cocks his head and lifts the book closer to his widening eyes to inspect it.

In the centre of the double-spread page is an image of a red arch, which has been circled roughly with pen…... _ This is exactly like the one in my dream.  _ Seonghwa hums, looking at the roughly drawn pen strokes all over the page. Seonghwas eyes are flying over the page so quickly he only catches a few sentences, things that have been underlined or circled by whoever felt the need to add to this particular page….. _ 'The red arch is often seen in Japanese myths and legends, often placed at the entry to temples to signify the transition to  _ **_sacred ground'_ ** Seonghwa leans in, as if looking harder will allow him see more.  _ Sacred ground?  _ Seonghwa lets his finger float over to the next paragraph, where a few clumps of words are circled….. _ 'Often associated with the ties between the mortal world and beyond'..... _ ' _ Doors that can not be opened by the living'.....'The belief that those with pure souls may pass between-"  _

Seonghwa is so enamoured with the page in front of him, that he doesn't hear anyone enter the building. In fact he doesn't even startle until the imposter watching him leans over his shoulder. At the shock of black hair Seonghwa jumps about five feet in the air, yelping and causing the book to tumble off of his lap onto the carpet. "What ya reading?" Wooyoung yells, and Seonghwa narrowly holds himself back from whacking him as he jumps to his feet "Wooyoung! You scared the shit out of me!" Seonghwa whines, only making the shorter boy laugh harder. Seonghwa ducks down and picks up the book, going to shut it when Wooyoung yanks it from his hands. Seonghwa gasps and lurches for it, but Wooyoung is a step to fast as he zips away. " _ Wooyoung  _ I swear to god-" Seonghwa rushes out, following behind him and trying to reach behind him to grab the book back. " _ Dude  _ this is all of Hongjoongs weird time shit!" Wooyoung laughs, and Seonghwa almost trips.

_ Hongjoongs weird time shit? _

"I was just  _ reading-"  _ Seonghwa whines and Wooyoung turns to laughs at him, waving the book at Seonghwa like a trophy "Save yourself some precious hours and just  _ ask  _ Hongjoong, if you're interested in his weird stuff" Wooyoung chuckles, coming to a stop and pushing the now closed book into Seonghwa's hands "Weird?" Seonghwa can't help but ask, and Wooyoung only scoffs "You never did think it was weird, did you? Because you were  _ madly  _ in love with him-" Wooyoung starts to ramble, and Seonghwa scowls at him " _ Wooyoung"  _ he groans, but it's lost on the younger boy "You where so hopelessly whipped you used to sit there for  _ hours  _ and just nod while Hongjoong went on those tangents about fate and those dumb arches, he's as bad as the tourists I swear to god….Off with the fairies" Wooyoung chuckles, dropping the book down on a bench and making for the door, letting Seonghwa trail behind him with a completely dumbfounded look on his face.

"C'mon, Yeosang sent Mingi and I to get you, he got caught up, he'll be back in an hour or so and didn't want to make you wait" Wooyoung says as he makes for the door, hands in his pockets and an easy smile on his face. Seonghwa reaches over the desk and grabs his keys, taking a few fast steps to catch up with Wooyoung. When they're outside Seonghwa throws his head over his shoulder to look back into the library "Can we just leave it unlocked? I don't have keys-" Seonghwa mumbles, and Wooyoung scoffs "Tell me, Hwa….Would  _ you  _ rob a library?" He asks, cocking his head at Seonghwa. Seonghwa pauses for a second, blinks, then shrugs "Good point" he says, smiling at Wooyoung as he passes by him. Seonghwa makes his way for the truck in the corner of the car park, grateful for a few seconds of fresh air before clambering into the front seat with Wooyoung close behind in the back. Seonghwa smiles warmly at Mingi, still feeling terrible for how distant he was that morning, and is relieved to see not a drop of resentment in the boys face as he returns with a toothy grin.

They make off towards the street, and Seonghwa lets himself fall silent as the two yell over each other in wild conversation about the very mundane days each of them had experienced. Seonghwa only tunes in when he he hears Hongjoongs name fall out of Mingi's mouth, whipping towards him. Mingi notices Seonghwa's sudden attention of course, and barks out a laugh "And  _ there _ he is, right on cue! If I knew all I had to do to get your attention was say Hongjoongs name I would have just done that" Mingi teases, and Seonghwa instantly feels himself blush, turning away with a huff. "I'm just  _ worried,  _ he said he'd drop by today and he didn't" Seonghwa sighs, making Wooyoung scoff "He probably just fell asleep in a damn field or something" Wooyoung sighs, making Seonghwa turns to look at him with concern-filled eyes "For twelve hours?" He rushes out, his voice high and breathy. Wooyoung scowls as if it's the dumbest question ever "Uh  _ yeah,  _ it's  _ Hongjoong-"  _ he laughs, and Seonghwa tries to not let his mouth fall wide open. He settles on huffing at Wooyoung and turning back in his seat, looking out to the sea of black beyond the windows as night covers the town.

When they arrive at his home, Seonghwa's heart sinks impossibly further when he sees not one singular light on inside, a clear sign that Hongjoong isn't there. Seonghwa sighs and turns to smile at Mingi, who clearly can sense something is unsettling Seonghwa "Were you expecting him to be here?" Mingi asks, and Seonghwa nods "Don't worry, Hwa, he probably just went home! Give him a call" Wooyoung says, and Seonghwa feels his heart sink impossibly further at the reminder that Hongjoong hadn't told anyone about his home  _ situation.  _ Seonghwa nods, trying his hardest to smile at them as he hops out of the car "If you hear from him can you let me know?" Seonghwa asks, his voice small, and Mingi nods. "Have a good night, Seonghwa!" Wooyoung calls out as the car reverses down the driveway, and Seonghwa waives at them both. Once the car disappears down the street, and Seonghwa walks towards the door of his house, he fishes out his phone. There's not one notification, and he doesn't hesitate to open up his contacts as he unlocks the door and steps into the dark hallway. Seonghwa dumps the keys and flicks on the hallway lights, finding Hongjoongs name in the short list of contacts and instantly presses dial.

The phone rings…..And rings…..And  _ rings… _ .And nothing. Seonghwa lets out a small whine and dials again, taking his lip between his teeth as he wanders towards the kitchen….Each ring seems to get further and further apart, and the silence between seems deafeningly loud in the house usually occupied with Hongjoongs voice. It rings out again, and Seonghwa forces himself to leave a voice message "Hey Hongjoong, just wondering where you are? You said you'd drop by today and didn't…..And now you're not at home….I'm just a bit worried, give me a call when you can" Seonghwa says, not being able to stop the soft wavering in his nervous tone. Seonghwa pulls the phone away from his ear, his finger hovering over Yunho's name next…. _ I promised I'd call today.  _ Seonghwa feels guilty, but every second in the house without Hongjoong feels as if the walls are slowly closing in, and Seonghwa can't bring himself to look at anything reflective in fear of seeing something he doesn't like staring back at him. Seonghwa sighs and presses the small text icon next to Yunho's name, opening up a new chat.

_ Seonghwa; Hey Yunho don't think I'm going to be able to call tonight, just texting to let you know I'm still alive♡♡♡  _

Seonghwa hits send then slides his phone away, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning his head back to stare at the roof. He takes a deep breath and tries to push away some of the worry building in his chest, and turns to wander into the kitchen, opening the fridge to aimlessly look around. He eventually settles on a small container of rice and chicken Hongjoong had made the day before, and quickly heats it up. Seonghwa isn't all that hungry, so when his food is warm and sitting in front of him on the kitchen counter he barely picks at it. Seonghwa forces himself to eat, knowing his hoard of forgotten friends would scold him for not doing so, and pulls out his phone again to distract his racing mind while he eats. Seonghwa pointedly  _ avoids  _ looking at the frozen time, and is grateful to see Yunho has texted him back 

_ Yunho; No problems dummy, hope you had a good day♡♡ You better call tomorrow or i'll come over there and kick your scrawny ass myself! _

Seonghwa chuckles, shutting his phone off and finishing off his small dinner, placing his container in the sink and making for the stairs. Seonghwa forces himself to shower, standing under the hot spray with his head down and soaking for far too long, enjoying the feeling of the hot water on his tense body. He pulls himself out eventually, towel drying his hair and slipping on a pair of loose sweats and an oversized t-shirt. Seonghwa almost turns into his own room, but falters when his eyes dart to the closed door of his mother's room. Seonghwa sighs, and curiosity makes him reach for the handle….When the buzzing of his phone in his pocket distracts him. Seonghwa lets his hand slip away from the cold metal nob, fishing his hand into his pocket and drawing out his phone. He squints as the bright light of the device lights up the hallway, but is instantly relieved to see Hongjoong has texted him back. Seonghwa frantically unlocks the device and opens the message;

_ Hongjoong: I got your voicemail! I'm totally fine don't worry♡♡ I'll be home later, don't wait up! I left the side door unlocked for myself  _

Seonghwa can't help but frown, and instantly feels foolish for being upset by the message. He shakes his head and reaches for the handle again "He can do what he likes, he doesn't have to spend every waking second at your side" Seonghwa scolds himself in a harsh whisper, pushing open the door and stepping inside. Much like the first time he found himself in this room, Seonghwa is overwhelmed with a strange and very foreign feeling of nostalgia….He does not remember the room but very much recalls the feeling of being within its walls. Seonghwa's eyes instantly fall onto the chair in the corner, and the bookshelf, and his feet carry him to them with no prompt from his brain to do so. His eyes instantly slide slowly across the pictures there, smiling slightly when he sees Hongjoong frozen in time beaming up at him. Seonghwa falters then….The realisation that the Hongjoong in these frames and the Hongjoong on the floor of his dreams bawling his eyes out are becoming harder and harder for Seonghwa to separate in his mind….. _ He looks so happy here, how much of that smile is a mask? _

Seonghwa forces his eyes away, instead settling on the picture of them at their high school graduation, another day lost in his past and missing from his memories…..Seonghwa lets his eyes slide over each face in the picture, appreciating it in a way he hadn't been able to the first time he had looked at it due to the emotions running so rampant. Seonghwa gasps, when he realises something. Seonghwa picks the frame up, desperately searching for a sign that his eyes had been lying to him and his heart only plummeting further towards his feet when he finds no such thing.

_ How could I have not noticed? _

Hongjoong is not in the picture

_ Where would he have been? Why would we have taken a group photo without him? _

Seonghwa looks over and over for any flash of red, and his chest on flutters more when he realises how stupid he looks searching for something that's clearly not there. It's not like Hongjoong would suddenly  _ appear  _ in a picture if he looked at it enough. Seonghwa puts it down, a strange feeling building in his chest that almost makes his eyes water. He stares down at the frame, recalling the faces of his friends as they are now compared to how they remain frozen in a time Seonghwa has no recollection of behind the frame…...And he realises their smiles seem  _ dimmer  _ in the picture, in a way you'd only notice if you really really looked. Seonghwa shakes his head and turns away, telling himself he's being  _ ridiculous  _ for looking so heavily into something that could probably be easily explained. Seonghwa flees the room, rushing across the hall and into his own room. "That's quite enough thinking for today, I think" he huffs as he navigates the room in the pitch black, crawling into his bed and diving under the covers.

_ The sooner I sleep the sooner today will be over  _

….

Seonghwa's sleep is dreamless, however long it lasts. Seonghwa isn't sure if it's the slamming of his bedroom door that wakes him, or the hands that settle on his chest what feels like only milliseconds later, but Seonghwa is suddenly  _ very much  _ awake. He gasps and scrambles into a sitting position, his tired eyes blinking rapidly in the darkness as they try to adjust. Seonghwa's hands come up on their own, grasping at his attacker with a shaking breath. " _ Hey hey,  _ don't panic angel it's just me" a voice whispers 

_ Hongjoong  _

Seonghwa breaths out a sigh of relief, his panic easing in one puff of air. Hongjoong giggles and the sound alone lights up the room, chasing the sleep from Seonghwa's eyes and pulling him fully to consciousness. Hongjoong sits back, taking Seonghwa's hands in his own as he sits up properly from the bed "What time is it, Hongjoong?" He mumbles, and Hongjoong leans in "It's witching hour, Hwa, magical things happen at this time of night" Hongjoong whispers, quirking his eyebrows and Seonghwa who groans "In  _ normal human  _ words please, Hongjoong" he groans and Hongjoong launches off of the bed "Get dressed, we're going somewhere spectacular" he says, smiling as bright as the sun as he rushes down the small stairs case. Seonghwa splutters as he watches him go, leaning over the small railing "Going  _ where  _ Hongjoong? What the hell! It's the  _ middle of the night-"  _ Seonghwa splutters, and Hongjoong turns to beam up at him "Guess you'll have to hurry up and find out" he says, winking and fleeing the room.

Seonghwa sits there, completely dumbfounded for a moment as Hongjoong flees….. _ This is a dream, right?  _ Seonghwa tries to convince himself, yet it's hard to believe when he recalls that Hongjoong only really seemed to appear in Seonghwa's dreams years younger and with cherry red hair, and the Hongjoong who had just yanked him from his sleep was very much the Hongjoong he knew in this veil of time. Seonghwa groans, flinging his legs over the edge of the bed and muttering a quiet and  _ very  _ sarcastic "Why the fuck not, what could  _ possibly  _ go wrong?" He hisses as he wobbles down the stairs, ditching his track pants and whining as he tugs on a pair of black jeans. He quickly decides to not change his t-shirt, and instead just tucks in one side into his pants and tries to stop the wide neckline from falling off one of his shoulders. He shoves his feet into a pair of beaten converse and stumbles into the hallway, his eyes still struggling to adjust to being yanked from sleep.

Seonghwa quickly walks down the hall, taking the steps as carefully as he can as his eyes scan for Hongjoong. He finds him pretty quickly, leaning against the doorway with headlights illuminating his small form. Seonghwa squints into the light…. _ Is that the fucking truck? The others are here?  _ Seonghwa groans and makes his way towards Hongjoong "Joong, can you  _ please  _ tell me if I'm about to be murdered-" Seonghwa groans, and Hongjoongs head whips towards him. Hongjoong rushes at him and grabs Seonghwa’s hand, towing him outside and shutting the door behind them. It's still pitch black outside, and Seonghwa guesses it can't be any later then two or three in the morning. Seonghwa is dragged towards the truck by a clearly excitable Hongjoong, and Seonghwa is embarrassed to find himself  _ blushing…... _ He missed him. The back passenger door is thrown open and Hongjoong crawls in, pulling a wobbly and unstable Seonghwa behind him to drop into a seat. Seonghwa's bleary eyes recognise San in the far back seat with Wooyoung in his lap, and Yeosang in the driver's seat with Mingi beside him.

Seonghwa looks immediately to Yeosang, the only responsible person currently present in the vehicle "Yeosang please tell me what the  _ hell  _ is going on?" He pleads, feeling Hongjoong squeeze his hand, but Wooyoung is quick to cut him off "Oh trust me, you'll know it when we get there"

Seonghwa is very  _ very  _ sure he will not.

They take off down the driveway, pulling out onto the street and rocketing down the road. Seonghwa's brain is much like  _ mush,  _ and he can't possibly keep up with the lightning fast and excitable conversation passing around the car, and instead chooses to let his head fall back and his eyes close as they drive along. Seonghwa can feel Hongjoong vibrating with excitement beside him, and can't help but feel his heart flutter at having him so near after an entire day worrying about him. Seonghwa very nearly falls back to sleep, time slipping away from him yet again, but he is yanked back to reality when the truck pulls to a stop. Seonghwa lifts his head as the others pile out of the truck, and peers beyond the window to see they're at….. _ The train station?  _ Seonghwa blinks in confusion, and looks down at Hongjoong whos smiling softly at him. Seonghwa looks between him and the station, blinking rapidly "Are we going somewhere?" He asks, and Hongjoong smiles wider "You could say that"

San bashes on Seonghwa's door from the outside then, making him jump and turn to scowl at him "C'mon! Hurry the hell up!" He yells, and Seonghwa huffs as he opens the door and hops out of the truck with Hongjoong close behind. Seonghwa shivers in the night air, and crosses his arms over his chest "One of you better tell me what the  _ hell  _ is going on-" Seonghwa hisses, and Mingi barks out a laugh "You really don't know?" He asks, and Seonghwa draws back…. _ Shit, is this another tradition I've forgotten?  _ He's saved from coming up with a lie when Yeosang speaks up "Let's just go, I'm ready to get drunk" he laughs, and Seonghwa almost falls over in shock  _ "Drunk?"  _ He splutters, and without warning they all take off. And by take off he means  _ sprint.  _ Yeosang goes first, running past the platform and across the tracks into the field beyond and all but Hongjoong follow close behind. Seonghwa splutters and Hongjoong winds their fingers together yet again "Magical things, remember?" He says, his eyes positively sparkling under the moonlight 

And then he takes of, taking Seonghwa with him 

…..

They tear through the night like wind through a tunnel, and Seonghwa can feel each heaving breath throughout his entire body as his feet hammer against the grass underneath his feet. San and Wooyoung are laughing wildly as they lead the group, and Yeosang turns every few seconds to make sure Hongjoong, Seonghwa and Mingi are keeping up. Seonghwa is sure Mingi would be at the front of the pack if it weren't for the fact that he was constantly slowing to peer up at the sky painted with stars. They run for what could have been seconds or hours, and Seonghwa looks across at Hongjoong as they go. Hongjoong had let go of his hand in the sprint, and his arms were sweeping as he ran, his hair blown out of his face and his mouth open in a smile. Seonghwa was made further breathless by the sight of him, glistening with a thin layer of sweat and panting as he sprints. Seonghwa is so caught up with staring at the image before him that he doesn't realise the boys ahead of him had stopped, and in turn plows into the back of San at a full sprint.

San gasps and just barely manages to avoid toppling forwards as Seonghwa tumbles into him, and Seonghwa yelps as he manages to stabilise himself, shooting an apologetic look at San as he turns around to scowl. It's only then that Seonghwa looks past him, to where they have arrived. His eyes widen as he sees a field scattered with what looks like abandoned train carriages, some toppled over and some upright and all of them covered in graffiti. Between the carriages is actual lines of train tracks, and Seonghwa can count about ten of them. Seonghwa blinks as he takes it all in, and Mingi throws an arm over his shoulder "Fancy a game of chicken, Seonghwa?" He chuckles, and Seonghwa feels his heart sink 

_ Chicken? _

As if on cue a train flies down the track towards the back of the stretch of field, impossibly long and full of what looks to be coal containers. Seonghwa feels all the blood rush from his face….. _ He can't possibly mean playing chicken with trains right? That's just absolutely not possible-  _ Seonghwa is yanked back to reality when Wooyoung laughs "We're not drunk enough for that yet" he chuckles, winking at San as he makes for the nearest upright train carriage to them. Seonghwa keeps his mouth firmly shut as he follows behind, Hongjoong at his side. San is first up the ladder and inside the carriage with Wooyoung and Yeosang close behind. Seonghwa stands aside and motions for Hongjoong to go ahead, which makes the smaller boy chuckle "Such a gentleman" he says, and Mingi makes a very convincing vomiting sound from behind them. Hongjoong sticks his tongue out at him and climbs the ladder, ducking inside. Seonghwa goes next, following closely in the darkness.

Seonghwa has to duck to get through the doorway, and is relieved to see there's a small camping light inside. Seonghwas eyes blow wide at the contents of the carriage; the floor was strewn with pillows and blankets and two small couches with a half-collapsed table in the centre with a collection of bottles strewn over it. As much as the decor is charming it's the walls that make his mouth fall open. They're covered in words scrawled in thick markers of all colours, and patched up with polaroid pictures scattered around and tacked up. Seonghwa lets his eyes float across the words, seeing their names and quotes and random drawings of flowers and houses and logos. As Seoghwas eyes scan the walls he catches sight of a large quote scrawled on the far wall  _ 'No one can condemn you here'.  _ As Seonghwa reads the words his eyes instantly fly to Hongjoong, who he finds is looking back at him with wide and sad eyes. Seonghwa smiles knowingly at him, and reaches out to hook their fingers together in a show of support for the pocket of sunshine before him.

Mingi claps his hands together then, dropping himself onto one of the couches. Seonghwa notices then that San and Wooyoung are already tangled together on the floor in a sea of cushions and Yeosang is leaning against one of the walls. "Whose drinking?" Mingi asks, lifting up a bag. Seonghwa groans, shaking his head, and Hongjoong giggles as he tows Seonghwa across the room and drops them both onto the remaining couch. Seonghwa sighs again when he sees Mingi drop the bag and shake his head "I've changed my mind! I wanna play not drink!" Wooyoung whines, pouting at Yeosang who shakes his head and waves his hands "Off you go then!" Yeosang says and Wooyoung immediately squeals, rushing off towards the door. The others follow suit, leaving only Hongjoong and Seonghwa behind.

Seonghwa sighs and looks down at him, instantly breathless when he sees the soft expression Hongjoong is wearing as he stares at him. Seonghwa turns his body to angle towards Hongjoong, and the smaller boy does the same. Seonghwa looks down at where their hands are still wound together "I missed you today" Seonghwa mumbles, and Hongjoong shuffles impossibly closer "I miss you everytime I shut my eyes" he whispers back, and Seonghwa feels his chest constrict. Seonghwa takes his time looking up, and when he does he instantly feels dizzy. Hongjoong is  _ mesmerising,  _ his eyes hooded and his mouth slightly open as he peers up at Seonghwa. Seonghwa feels himself swallow, and his own eyelashes flutter as something much like fate pulls him forwards. It feels like it takes hours and at the same time only milliseconds, but somehow Seonghwa ends up with his forehead pressed against Hongjoong's and one hand resting the base of his throat. Seonghwa lets out a small whine as he looks down towards their laps, where Hongjoongs hands are both wrapped around one of his own. Seonghwa feels dizzy with the proximity, and the soft warmth of Hongjoongs breath on his face. Seonghwa lets his eyes fall closed at the same time Hongjoong calls out to him "Seonghwa-" he whispers 

And someone outside  _ screams  _

They pull away from each other at the speed of light, both of their heads flying towards the door. They stare for a moment, then back at each other, wearing matching slightly-panicked expressions. "We should probably investigate that" Hongjoong says, swallowing. Seonghwa's eyes flick down to his lips, then back up to his honey eyes "We should, yeah" he chokes out. It looks like it pains Hongjoong to stand, but he does, and rushes for the door. Seonghwa takes a slow breath, pushing himself up and after Hongjoong as he disappears around the corner beyond the door. Seonghwa walks on shaky legs behind him, shimmying around the small walking ledge around the train carriage until he joins Hongjoong. It's then that he eyes the tracks, and instantly feels as if he could pass out at the sight before him. Yeosang, San and Mingi are standing beside the carriage, whooping and cheering, and Wooyoung….. _ is on the track. _

Wooyoung stands in the centre of the train track with his arms thrown wide and his head thrown back. Seonghwas eyes blow wide and he leans over the barrier, the cold metal growing colder under his shaking hands. "Wooyoung! Get the hell off-" Seonghwa yells out, but the words die in his throat when a blinding light floods his senses. Seonghwa looks towards the light, rounding the corner beyond the field…..Is a cargo train. Seonghwa gasps and looks towards Wooyoung, his heart hammering in his chest, Seonghwa is going to call out again when Hongjoong puts a hand on his arm "Don't worry Hwa, it's just a silly game, remember?" He says, an edge of laughter to his voice. Seonghwa grimaces, there's that word again…. _ Remember?.... _ Like a knife twisting in his side, a wound never allowed to close or heal.

Seonghwa can't tear his eyes away, as much as he wants to his eyes refuse to look away from the train as it tears towards Wooyoung….Closer….And  _ closer… _ .And everything else fades away. Seonghwa can't  _ breathe  _ as he watches Wooyoung stare the metal beast down as the gap grows smaller and smaller. Eventually the cheers from the peanut gallery lessen, and Seonghwa feels fear down to his bones. The train driver blasts the horn as they finally spot Wooyoung, and Seonghwa feels his head spin as panic grips him "Wooyoung that's  _ enough-"  _ he yells, and the boy instantly leaps off the track…..A maximum of five seconds pass before the train whizzes by. Seonghwa heaves in a breath, rushing back towards the ladder and dropping himself down to the grass with Hongjoong close behind. Seonghwa runs around the body of the carriage, his eyes wide as he sees San embracing Wooyoung and all of their eyes wet with laughter and tears under the glowing moon. Seonghwa can only blink in shock as Mingi stumbles towards the tracks "Mingi-" Seonghwa chokes out, nowhere near loud enough to actually be heard. 

Mingi stands on the tracks, his hands in his pockets and throwing an easy and boyish smile at where Seonghwa stands  _ losing his fucking mind.  _ Seonghwa has no time to still his racing heart when a white light floods them yet again….Another train approaches where Mingi stands. Seonghwa gasps, taking a step forwards, and Hongjoong grips his hand. "Hwa….What's wrong? It's okay-" Hongjoong calls out, and Seonghwa shakes his head "This is  _ insanely  _ dangerous" he chokes out at he stares at Mingi in the dark, and Hongjoong chuckles "It sure is" he says, making Seonghwa's chest constrict impossibly further. The train  _ roars  _ as it approaches, a sound so deafening it makes Seonghwa squint and his arms tense. As it grows closer his eyes flick between the train and Mingi, and the gap slims and slims. Seonghwa feels his knees wobble as the train passes the point where Wooyoung retreated, yet Mingi remains firm. Seonghwa is moments from screaming when Mingi finally steps off, and moments later the train screams past at a speed that leaves Seonghwa breathless.

Time blurs

Yeosang goes next, and to Seonghwa relief he steps off the tracks long before Wooyoung and Mingi did, his hands up and a small smile on his face as he retreats. "Absolutely atrocious effort, Yeosang!" San berates him, and Wooyoung scoffs as he pushes San forwards "Show us how it's done then!" Wooyoung calls out, and San nods at him with a wicked smile. Seonghwa marches all the way over then, standing between Mingi and Wooyoung "Or we can make  _ sensible  _ decisions and  _ not-"  _ Seonghwa hisses, but it's clearly lost on San who is already skipping towards the tracks. Seonghwa lets out a broken whine as Hongjoong joins him at his side again. Seonghwa has barely a second to breath before the light returns, signalling a train approaching. San seems to brace, leaning down and balling his hands into fists as he stares the train down. Wooyoung laughs again, and Yeosang shakes his head "Make good choices San! For fucks-" Mingi calls out, but is cut off when San breaks off into a sprint down the track  _ towards  _ the train.

Seonghwa hears Hongjoong let out a squeak and tense beside him "San! You'll give Seonghwa a heart attack!" Hongjoong yells after San as he barrels towards the train. Seonghwa steps back, one hand over his mouth as his back collides with Hongjoong's chest and the smaller boys hands come up to rest on his waist from behind. The train and San grow closer, and  _ painfully  _ close to the point of collision San leaps off, rolling into the grass on his back as he howls with laughter. Seonghwa physically feels his knees shake as the fear leaves his body, and he lets out an equally shaky breath with it. Mingi whistles and applauds as San pulls himself up from the grass and jogs back towards them as the train fades into the distance. 

"Well then, who's next?" Mingi asks, turning to where Seonghwa and Hongjoong are clumped together. Seonghwa feels his heart stop dead still, and a firm pass on his lips as he opens his mouth to-

Hongjoong steps forwards 

_ No _

Seonghwa watches with wide eyes and an open mouth, as Hongjoong moves towards the tracks "Guess that's gonna be me, huh?" He says, turning back to smile at Seonghwa in the way he  _ always  _ does. Seonghwa can only stare on, shaking his head at Hongjoong as the distance between them grows impossibly greater. "Hongjoong  _ please-"  _ Seonghwa chokes out, his desperate plea to his sunshine boy falling short when San cries out a cheer that deafens it. Seonghwa remembers it clearly then…..His dream on the train that carried him here, to this town only a week or so ago….. _ Time seems to be always slipping out of my grasp these days.  _ Seonghwa sees Hongjoong with cherry red hair painted with youth on a train track, and sees himself desperately running towards him yet closing no distance. And Seonghwa sees Hongjoong now, his eyes darting between the end of the track and Seonghwa's wide and petrified eyes as he stares at him.

And then the light comes 

This train is different, low and sleek and modern…. _ A long distance passenger train.  _ Seonghwa could almost cry as he recognises it, so similar to the train that carried him here to Hongjoong…..Much  _ faster  _ than the trains the other of his foolish friends had stood before. It approaches, and Hongjoong balls his hands into fists, he drops his head and draws his eyebrows together. Seonghwa blinks hard as if this was just another dream, just another fragment of his broken mind putting puzzle pieces where they barely fit, leaving gaps between.

_ Closer _

Seonghwa feels his hands start to tremble 

_ Closer  _

Sans laughter starts to die, and Mingi stands straighter 

_ Closer _

Panic laces Yeosangs expression, he takes a step forwards "Hongjoong  _ move _ !" He calls out, his tone enough to cast ice over Seonghwa, the train is barely twenty meters from where Hongjoong stands. Seonghwa realises then that Hongjoong isn't looking at the train as it screams towards him….He's looking at Seonghwa….. _ He is soaking wet, and his hair is cherry red  _

Seonghwa gasps

Barely ten meters separates the metal bullet and the sunflower boy.

San screams, and Mingi moves, but Seonghwa is faster. Seonghwa tears across the grass, his eyes trained on the image of Hongjoong's youth in front of him. Seonghwa sprints with everything he has, and Wooyoung"s voice in the distance feels miles away "Seonghwa  _ no!"  _ Seonghwa only pushes his legs harder across the grass in the hours before daybreak. 

Less than ten meters 

Seonghwa leaps

Mingi screams, as does Yeosang soon after 

Seonghwa can feel the heat coming from the wheels of the train as he launches himself arms first across the track, his arms stretched desperately out towards where Hongjoong stands on the tracks. 

_ Time stops  _

Between one blink and the next, Hongjoong transforms back into the version of himself that Seonghwa is growing to treasure, and they  _ collide _ . Seonghwa crashes into Hongjoong, sending them both flying to the other side of the track and onto the grass. The train passes, missing them by less than a second. Seonghwa lets out a broken sob as he lands on top of Hongjoong and instantly wraps his arms around him. Hongjoong heaves in a breath which echoes in Seonghwa's ringing ears, but Seonghwa gives him no opportunity to talk. "What the  _ fuck  _ is wrong with you? You could have  _ died  _ and for what? Huh?!" Seonghwa screams into Hongjoongs shoulder, his hands pressing into the smaller boys shoulders as he trembles "Do you have any idea what watching you  _ die  _ would do to me? It's not  _ funny  _ to put people through things like that for stupid games Hongjoong I would never ever be the fucking same if something happened to you" Seonghwa continues to scream as the train roars past, a barrier between them and their surely worried friends.

Hongjoong says nothing as Seonghwa heaves and sobs into his shoulder, and eventually Seonghwa can't take a second more of it. He lifts himself on his shaking arms, placed on either side of Hongjoongs head, and forces himself up. His legs are pressing against Hongjoongs waist on either side as the boy lays sprawled below him….And Seonghwa is floored as when he looks down at him and sees Hongjoong  _ blushing.  _ Seonghwa can do nothing but stare and blink as Hongjoong begins to chuckle, eventually breaking out into a full blown laugh underneath Seonghwa who can feel rage brimming at the surface as his cheeks glow red. "Kim Hongjoong this is  _ not  _ funny-" Seonghwa hisses, and Hongjoong reaches up to cup Seonghwa's flushed cheeks with both hands.

Under a pale moon, Hongjoong pushes Seonghwa past the point of no return with a single sentence.

"Park Seonghwa, you're so  _ beautiful _ "

Hongjoong says it as if it's his last words, and Seonghwa's world slows as Hongjoong smiles up at him, so painfully  _ alive.  _ Something blooms in Seonghwa, a seed planted in his own chest by Hongjoong the first time he looked over and smiled him at his mothers funeral. It feels much like an ending, and a beginning, and it makes Seonghwa's head spin and his chest flutter.

The first bubble of laughter breaks free, and soon enough Seonghwa is laughing alongside Hongjoong, both of them arching into each other as their laughter mingles. The train passes, and Seonghwa hears their friends rush towards where they lay tanged together in the dewy grass.

Seonghwa doesn't know how he manages to avoid leaning down and kissing Hongjoong, but somehow this feels more monumental.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact the train scene inspired this entire fic! Ta da!


	9. n i n e

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait for this chap! I got a new job so I've been really focusing on that!!
> 
> This is a bit of a filler chap but I hope you enjoy none the less!

After that night on the train tracks, Seonghwa falls into a routine.

He goes to the library and works, enjoying every second of Yeosang’s gentle presence, then after work he allows himself to be dragged to the dance studio or to Mingi’s to spend countless hours laughing with everyone. Seonghwa pretends not to notice that the calls to Yunho and Jongho have been getting fewer and fewer as the weeks bleed into each other, and how he almost seems to  _ forget  _ that he has no memory of the boys he now lives and breathes….Seonghwa does his best to ignore it, every glaring sign that something here is very very  _ wrong.  _ Seonghwa lets himself be pulled by the eb and flow of this new life, telling himself he deserves something easy after the years of struggling to tread water that he endured in his city life.

Hongjoong is a constant presence in his existence. He wakes up to his glowing presence every day, and falls asleep with him pressed to his chest every night….They don’t talk about it. They never talk about the words that are left unsaid, told to one and other in fleeting touches and moments of heavy eye contact. Seonghwa can see the way Hongjoong feels about him clearly in his eyes, and hopes that Hongjoong can see the same feelings reflecting in his own….But they never once talk about it, they never breach the line between friendship and something  _ more,  _ and Seonghwa isn’t completely sure why. Then he recalls the night in the diner, and the way they spoke about how Hongjoong may or may not have felt about him in the past Seonghwa can’t recall….And he can only hope that whatever he did or did not do hadn’t tarnished the potential for the present. 

Hongjoong does not even leave him in his sleep, and Seonghwa has long lost count of how many times he had seen him in his dreams. Hongjoong with his red hair, in a school uniform smiling brightly as he spoke….Or Hongjoong soaked from the rain and sobbing, his broken heart clear in the anguish on his face. Seonghwa knows the dreams are memories, because what else could they possibly be, yet no matter how hard he tries he can’t string them together to give himself any sort of answer to the question that follows him like a dark cloud;  _ What happened to Hongjoong?  _ In his dreams sometimes Seonghwa doesn’t see him at all, instead he sees himself standing in front of a red gate -  _ the  _ red gate - yet he can’t ever make himself step through onto the other side. He sees himself standing behind red caution tape, his vision completely blurred from tears but he vaguely recalls the tell-tale blue and red flashing of police lights and a gentle breeze….As if he was up somewhere high, life a cliff-

Seonghwa doesn’t think about it. He can’t. 

He has everything he needs here, his friends and a job and  _ Hongjoong,  _ so why should he dig into his past? He convinces himself it doesn’t matter, but the pull towards the red gates never quite leaves him….And the feeling of  _ unbalance  _ whenever he looks at Hongjoong for too long…..A senior picture missing a dash of red hair.

Seonghwa pushes it all away.

And just like that, days fade to weeks, and Seonghwa is shocked when he hears Mingi bring it up one afternoon. It was a Sunday and Seonghwa wasn’t working, so when the gentle giant had asked him to help paint a building for the local high school -  _ his  _ highschool - Seonghwa had happily agreed. So here they were, roller in hand and squinting into the sun as they painted over a wall of chipping blue paint with a crisp white colour. Mingi sighs, wiping sweat off of his brow, when he says it “I can’t believe you’ve almost been here two months” He sighs, and Seonghwa almost drops his paintbrush. Mingi laughs, bumping Seonghwa with his shoulder, Seonghwa shakes his head, trying to push away the bubble of anxiety in his chest “Sorry sorry it’s just….Time flies” Seonghwa sighs, making Mingi chuckle yet again. “ _ You should ask Hongjoong, maybe he can get it back for you” _

Seonghwa whips his head towards Mingi, who draws back with wide eyes “Woah there, you alright?” Mingi chuckles, and Seonghwa only blinks as the words settle like ice water over him “What did you say?” Seonghwa asks, making Mingi shake his head “I didn’t say anything, Hwa-” Mingi chuckles, dipping his paint roller back into the tray “That’s not funny Mingi, yes you did-” Seonghwa huffs, making Mingi side eye him from where he is bent over the paint “No I didn’t, I think maybe the paint fumes are starting to go to your head” Mingi says, a confused but none-the-less amused smile on his face as he returns to painting. Seonghwa swallows, looking back at the wall and slowly starting to paint again….. _ You should ask Hongjoong, maybe he can get it back for you…. _ Seonghwa clears his throat as he begins to paint again, pushing away the ghost of Mingi’s voice lurking in his ears….. _ I can’t have heard that.  _

Seonghwa jumps when he hears Mingi’s phone ring, and turns to face him again when he fishes it out of his pocket “It’s Wooyoung” Mingi huffs as he answers the call, pressing the phone to his ear “Ya?” Mingi asks, then a few seconds of silence pass as Wooyoung undoubtedly rambles to Mingi. Seonghwa sighs, returning to his painting and doing his best to ignore the way his hands tremor ever-so-slightly. “Oh I’m sure he’ll be down, we haven’t been up there since he came back” Mingi chuckles into the phone, and when Seonghwa turns his head he sees the boy looking at him with the same cheeky grin Seonghwa saw Hongjoong wearing far too often for his liking. Seonghwa sighs, rolling his eyes and hoping whatever they had planned wasn’t as dangerous as  _ playing chicken with freight trains.  _ That night was like poetry to Seonghwa, something so mystical and otherworldly that it felt as if he hadn’t actually lived it at all….But read it out of the pages of one of the old poetry books in the library….Hongjoong panting underneath him with the stars painting him a radiant silver, the fear Seonghwa felt for him coming out as heavy breaths as he screamed at him. Hongjoong had looked at Seonghwa’s lips again then, and Seonghwas anger towards Hongjoong endangering his own life had dissipated immediately. 

“Then just don’t tell Yeosang? The fact that I even have to spell this out to you-” Mingi whines into the phone, and Seonghwa can’t help but chuckle as he shakes his head….If they didn’t want Yeosang to know about it, then it certainly was a dumb plan. Mingi bickers back and forth with Wooyoung for a little then, in words so fast that Seonghwa barely catches it. When Mingi gets off of the phone, Seonghwa stares him down with a quirked eyebrow. Mingi waltzes over to him, a skip in his step as he leans down towards Seonghwa “You wanna check out the cliffs?”

Seonghwa barks out a laugh “Absolutelty fucking  _ not”  _ he huffs, turning to return to his painting. Mingi doesn’t move as he calls out yet again “Hongjoong will be there”

…..

And just like that, Seonghwa found himself sandwiched between San and Wooyoung in the back seat of the truck as Mingi rockets down the road, towards what Seonghwa presumes is the cliffs. Seonghwa keeps his arms crossed and a scowl on his face, which makes San pout “It’ll be  _ fine,  _ Hwa! Don’t stress-” San coos, trying to ease Seonghwas worry. Seonghwa doesn’t turn his head to look at San, but graces him with a response “It’s getting  _ dark,  _ and Yeosang said it’s dangerous to be up there-” Seonghwa huffs, making Wooyoung laugh “Oh  _ please,  _ Hongjoong is up there all the time on his own” He sighs, which makes Seonghwa whip his head towards him “Oh that’s funny! How is it that  _ somehow  _ that doesn’t make me feel better!” Seonghwa hisses, only making Wooyoung laugh harder.

Seonghwa will never get used to the small town streets, he is sure of that one thing. Everything looks exactly the same wherever they go, the same rolling green fields and smattering of small houses….Yet Seonghwa can immediately tell this is somewhere he hasn’t been taken too before. The setting sun paints everything in sight a glowing orange, as yet another day draws to a close, and Seonghwa once again misses Hongjoong. Sunsets have quickly become his favourite part of small town life, and they were made impossibly better when Hongjoong was at his side. Seonghwa had spent countless afternoons watching Hongjoong sit on the daybed in Seonghwa’s room, his head tilted to the sky and his eyes shut as he bathes in the orange light. Everyday Hongjoong becomes more and more like a fairy tale character, and less mortal. Seonghwa shivers when he thinks of Hongjoong up on the cliffs alone, a place Yeosang had warned him of for being dangerous, and Seonghwa instinctively leans forwards towards Mingi “How far away are we? I really hate the idea of Hongjoong being there alone after dark-” Seonghwa asks, and Mingi reaches back to pat his knee “Worry not loverboy, we’re almost there” He teases.

Seonghwa sits back with a huff, crossing his arms as they bump down the road. Eventually the road starts to slope, and Seonghwa sees a line of trees in the distance. Seonghwa leans forwards again as the pine trees get closer and closer as the truck slowly weaves uphill. After what feels like hours of driving they find themselves in what looks a lot like a  _ forest,  _ and Seonghwa tries not to show his shock on his face…..A forest? Mingi kills the engine and they all jump out, and Seonghwa shivers in the cold air. He instantly looks up towards the tops of the trees, blocking far too much light for Seonghwa’s liking. This forest and the rolling hills that surround the town seem like they should be worlds apart, not a short drive, and Seonghwa tries to stop his head from spinning by taking a few deep breaths. Eventually San grabs a hold of Seonghwa’s arm, towing him forwards. Seonghwa stumbles but manages to stay on his feet, catching not a single word of their conversation as San drags Seonghwa towards what looks like a path. Every bone in Seonghwa’s body screams to turn and run when he sees the thin and barely-visible path between the trees, and Wooyoung clearly catches the fright on Seonghwa’s face.

He bounds over, taking his other arm and beaming up at Seonghwa in the grey light of the early evening “Look at you! Are you scared of a  _ path?”  _ Wooyoung scoffs, and Seonghwa tries to scowl at him “I’m scared of falling off of a cliff in the dark, actually” Seonghwa chokes out, making all three of them laugh. San and Mingi skip off ahead, thankfully staying on the path. Wooyoung hangs back with Seonghwa, taking his hand and swinging it between them. The path curves and winds so much that Seonghwa loses track of their direction as evening falls and the moon between the branches is their only guiding light. Eventually the soft dirt beneath their feet turns to stone, grey and jagged as they curve upwards. Seonghwa almost loses his footing multiple times, but Wooyoung is there to right him every time….And Seonghwa quickly begins to understand why Yeosang doesn’t like his friends being up here. The further and further they climb upwards the more ruthless the track gets, and Seonghwa can feel his legs starting to ache from the effort of the treacherous path. For one fleeting moment, Seonghwa lifts his head away from his feet and the path, and looks towards their destination.

He instantly loses his breath, seeing where the trees split such a short distance ahead….The cliff edge. Seonghwas eyes widen and he instantly pushes his legs to move faster, his eyes trained on the miles of clear sky beyond. He passes Mingi and San, who both giggle at him as he goes. Seonghwa feels his feet leave the uneven stone and once again come into contact with soft dirt, but he still doesn’t look down. On the top Seonghwa can see the entirety of the town, a small pocket of lights in an endless stretch of black fields dotted with houses, Seonghwa is breathless at the sight of his small pocket of reality painted by the moon, and he keeps walking as his eyes search for more to look at-

“Seonghwa!  _ Stop!” _

Seonghwa instantly comes to a stop, gasping at the voice. Seonghwa turns his head and sees Hongjoong a few meters down from where he stands, his hand stretched out and his eyes wide as he looks at Seonghwa. Seonghwa instantly feels worry pool in his stomach when he sees how close Hongjoong is to the edge and-

Instantly realises something

It happens between one blink and the next, and Hongjoong transforms. His red hair returns, and he’s wearing a school uniform that seems to be streaked with dirt. Seonghwa vision is blurred at the edges, and night transforms to what appears to be the late afternoon, the same glowing orange of the setting sun returning. Hongjoong is leaning over a railing that had not existed in the time before Seonghwa had blinked, and his head hangs forwards over the edge, hiding his face with a curtain of red hair. Seonghwa gasps, looking behind him to see Mingi, San and Wooyoung are nowhere to be seen. He looks down at himself, finding smaller hands and a narrower chest clad in the same white school dress shirt….. _ Shit.  _ Seonghwa hears scuffling, and looks up to see Hongjoong has leant back, throwing his head back as he grips the barrier and swings on his heels. Seonghwa takes a step towards him, feeling something strange brewing in his chest. His mouth opens, and he speaks “What happened, Hongjoong?” he asks, and Seonghwa instantly startles at the voice of what he presumes to be a much younger version of himself calls out…. _ What am I saying? I didn’t- _

Hongjoong turns his head, and Seonghwa feels his heart sink when he sees a split lip and eyebrow, and the soft sadness on Hongjoongs face. Seonghwa gasps and rushes forwards, he wants nothing more than to reach up and take his darling's injured face into his hands….But his arms won’t move. Hongjoong tries to smile at him, but instantly winces, looking away “The same as usual, Hwa” Hongjoong chuckles, staring out over the cliffs with an emptiness in his eyes that makes Seonghwas chest ache, followed by a simmering rage that makes his hands clench.  _ What’s happening? The same as usual-  _ Seonghwa takes another step towards him, staring daggers into the side of Hongjoongs head “Are you stupid? Do you want to get beat up? How many times have I told you to  _ not  _ walk behind the school without me-” Seonghwa rushes out, once again having  _ no  _ clue what he’s actually talking about.

Hongjoong still doesn’t look at him, and only shakes his head “They’ll find me, Seonghwa, it’s just how it is….I’m fine with it-” Hongjoong sighs, and it’s like something snaps inside of the younger version of Seonghwa. He lurches forwards and grabs Hongjoongs arm, making him gasp and turn his head towards the taller boy, flicking his red hair with him “I am  _ not  _ fine with it” Seonghwa hisses, and a sad smile breaks out once again on Hongjoongs face “Oh, my darling Seonghwa-” He sighs

Seonghwa blinks, and once again the scene before his eyes transforms. Night returns and Hongjoongs hair has returned to a shaggy blonde….Being dumped back into the present felt much like being yanked out from a bath of ice water. 

Seonghwa gasps again and looks down, and sees his feet have halted barely a meter from what must be a  _ hundred meter drop  _ of the side of the cliffe _.  _ Seonghwa feels a hand wrap around his elbow and yanks him back from the ledge, and he yelps when he feels his back collide with someone else's and arms wrap around him. “What  _ breed of stupid  _ are you Seonghwa? My fucking  _ god!”  _ He hears San snap, and Seonghwa instantly heaves out a breath as he recalls just how close he was to a  _ very  _ deathly fall, wrapped in his own head. Seonghwa feels the arms around his chest slowly release him, and turns his head to see it was Mingi. “Yeosang wasn’t kidding about the path then….There’s none of it left” Wooyoung breaths out, and Seonghwa looks down along the side of the cliff, seeing remnants of a railing still remaining in patches….A ghost of the tourist track that clearly used to line the cliffs edge. Seonghwa turns his head back the other way when he hears Hongjoong coming, his face still knitted with worry as he reaches Seonghwa. His small hands instantly come up to rest on Seonghwa’s cheeks, stroking the pads of his thumbs underneath Seonghwa’s wide eyes. Seonghwa feels butterflies fill his stomach as he looks down at his own pocket of sunshine, his heart aching as it always seemed to do when he was reunited with Hongjoong after a painfully long day apart.

Seonghwa is still  _ reeling,  _ trying to regain control of his breathing as he stares at Hongjoong….. _ What the fuck was that?  _ He sees Hongjoong crumpled up expression between every blink, a flash from a past he doesn’t recall, and his head spins from what feels like whiplash.

Mingi leans over then, keeping his feet planted as he looks towards the edge of the cliff “You shouldn’t be coming up here Hongjoong, this is  _ insanely  _ dangerous-” Mingi scolds him, clearly in shock at just how much the cliff had deteriorated. Hongjoong lets his hands slide off of Seonghwa’s cheeks with a huff, and crosses his arms as if Mingi’s concern amuses him. “I’ve been coming up here for  _ years,  _ Mingi, I know these cliffs-” Hongjoong whines, but Wooyoung grabs his hand and tows him away from the edge “Do I look like I care, Hongjoong? One wrong foot up here and you’re  _ dead”  _ Wooyoung snaps, pure worry dripping off of every letter.

Seonghwa feels shivers cascade down his spine at Wooyoung's words.

“This is my place, Wooyoung, I come here to clear my head….There’s nothing you can do or say that will make me stop coming” Hongjoong breathes out, his tone cool and serious in a way that Seonghwa had never heard him speak. All three of them look towards him then, all of them clearly equally shocked at the sudden tone. Hongjoong clearly notices, and shakes his head as if he’s trying to rid himself of something “What are you all doing up here anyways?” Hongjoong asks, his eyes lingering on Seonghwa as he passes his vision over them. Mingi sighs, rubbing his arms in the cold breeze “Seonghwa hasn’t been up here since high school, we thought-” Mingi groans, making Hongjoong bark out a laugh “And you thought coming up here  _ at night  _ was the best idea? You really do toy with fate, Mingi” Hongjoong sighs, grabbing Seonghwa’s hand and pulling him alongside the cliff's edge. Seonghwa yelps and jumps back, looking up from the drop-off to see the same softness in Hongjoongs eyes that always leaves him breathless “The rocks are too dangerous at night, if we go this way we can loop down through the fields, trust me” Hongjoong says, clearly talking to all of them but only looking at Seonghwa.

Wooyoung rushes up behind Seonghwa, taking a fistfull of the back of his shirt in his own shaking hands as he clings to Seonghwa from behind “Don’t have to ask me twice, get us down from here” Wooyoung whimpers, reaching back to grabs Sans hand. And just like that they form a small line, all clinging together as Hongjoong leads them along the cliff's edge. Seonghwa doesn’t let himself look towards the edge, instead training his eyes firmly on where his and Hongjoongs hands intertwine. Eventually Hongjoong steps down towards the trees, passing through the line of tall pines that line what's left of the path. Seonghwa lets himself take one more passing glance at the breathtaking view of the town beyond the ledge, categorising the view in his memories before he turns back to follow Hongjoong. Seonghwa is relieved to see another path cutting through the trees, this one is impossibly narrower then the one that brought them to the cliff, and Seonghwa definitely gets the impression that Hongjoong is the only one that uses it.

It’s steep but more or less flat, made of dirt that had been pressed together to be incredibly firm….Which Seonghwa gathers is from Hongjoongs regular use of it. Night has fully fallen at this point, and Seonghwa is glad that Hongjoong seems to know the way in the darkness because all he sees beyond his wide eyes is a sea of  _ black,  _ only broken up by the outline of trees as they walk down hill. Eventually the slope even outs, and every step Seonghwa takes away from the cliff and the memory he had relived the more his heart seems to settle in his chest. The path becomes flat, a long swooping curve that Hongjoong leads them down. Out of nowhere the trees seem to clear, and they find themselves in a large clearing basked in unfiltered moonlight.

Wooyoung lets out a low whistle as they fan out, clearly feeling a lot less fearful now that they could actually  _ see.  _ Seonghwa keeps his hand firmly in Hongjoongs as he looks around, his eyes wide with awe as he takes in the field nestled in the middle of a  _ forest.  _ Hongjoong turns to look at him "Remember this place?" He asks with a small smile, and Seonghwa instantly draws back….His mind racing as he tries to come up with what to say. It's then that he sees it, just around the corner on a small hill beyond the outline of Hongjoongs hair in the moonlight…... _ a red arch.  _ It looks exactly the same as the one in Hongjoongs book from the library, a bright red colour that looks as if it was painted that very day….Glowing in a way that almost seems  _ ominous  _ in the moonlight. "God that thing freaks me out" San whines, shivering as they walk past the arch on the hill. Hongjoong laughs softly, shaking his head "It's in human nature to fear things we don't understand" Hongjoong mumbles, gripping Seonghwa's hand tighter….Who hadn't once taken his eyes off of the looming arch.

"It's a tourist attraction, Hongjoong" Mingi huffs, turning around to teases Hongjoong who tilts his head at their tallest companion "They're an age old part of Asian hisyory, Mingi, they're styled differently in every culture but their purpose is always the same…. _ gates"  _ Hongjoong defends, making Mingi groan "Here he goes again" San huffs, and Wooyoung shoves him in the shoulder for the comment. "I think it's interesting, Hongjoong! In a….Creepy way, but I supposed all urban myths are a bit creepy-" Wooyoung chuckles, looking at Hongjoong with wide eyes. Hongjoong tugs Seonghwa forward so that they're walking ahead of the other three "The gates of fate are no myth" he huffs under his breath, quiet enough that only Seonghwa would have heard it.

Seonghwa looks between Hongjoongs and the gates….And shivers yet again at the almost  _ magnetic  _ pull to them he feels….The same kind of energy he often felt from Hongjoong…. _ That had to be a coincidence, right? _

Seonghwa forces himself to look away from them both, wishing for it to stay unknown. As soon as he turns away Seonghwa feels as if he's being  _ watched  _ by the wooden pillars, and the odd sensation of a hand reaching for the back of his shirt. He walks a little faster, and Hongjoong matches his pace.

The red gates seem to be weeping, a voice hidden in the wind that becons him…. _ We need your help  _

….

Mingi drives Hongjoong and Seonghwa to his home, and around halfway through the drive Mingis phone rings which he thankfully ignores….The Wooyoungs rings…..And Sans next…..Then Seonghwas. Seonghwa whines as he turns the screen over, seeing Yeosangs name on the screen as they pull into his driveway. Seonghwa groans and slides it away…. _ He was probably just wondering where he truck was, right?  _ Seonghwa hops out of the car with Hongjoong close behind him, and they both turn to wave at the remaining passengers "I hope Yeosang doesn't murder you" Hongjoong says with a wink, turning and all but skipping towards the porch, making Mingis eyes widen. San whips around from the front seat, staring between Seonghwa and Mingi "He won't be that mad, right? It was just a  _ hike-"  _ San rushes out, making Wooyoung sigh. "Yeah, just a hike up death mountain in the  _ dark"  _ Wooyoung groans, making San lets out a long whine.

Seonghwa shakes his head "Goodnight, guys" he says with a wave, turning to follow Hongjoong up the drive. As he walks away Seonghwa can hear the bickering going on inside the car, and can't help but giggle to himself as the arguing only gets louder and louder as the car pulls onto the street. As he steps up onto the patio, Hongjoong lays his palm out to beckon for the keys, which Seonghwa finds positively  _ adorable  _ and drops them into Hongjoongs palm. He turns and opens the door, skipping inside and standing there waiting for Seonghwa to follow. Seonghwa steps in, smiling down at Hongjoong as the door shuts behind both of them….Leaving them alone in the moonlit hallway. Seonghwa takes in Hongjoongs beaming face, and shakes his head as he reaches past Hongjoong to flick on the lights to paint the hall in a soft yellow light.

"You hungry?" Hongjoong asks as he skips down the hall, and Seonghwa sighs as he follows "Not really….I was gonna call Yunho and Jongho-" Seonghwa calls out as Hongjoong disappears around the corner into the kitchen. "Well you're eating! Go and call them while I get something together" Hongjoong yells back, and Seonghwa smiles to himself as he turns down the other end of the hall, wandering towards the stairs. Seonghwa pulls his phone from his pocket, wincing at the bright light and the frozen clock staring back at him, and quickly unlocks it to navigate to the contacts app. Seonghwa finds Yunhos name quite a fair way down the list….And guilt pools in his chest when Seonghwa realises it had been almost a week since he spoke to his friends last. He presses dial before the guilt forces him to put his phone and not call at all….And listens to it ring…..and ring.

Seonghwa is beginning to think he won't answer at all, and a part of him is  _ relieved.  _ That feeling alone is enough to make the guilt he feels triple in one singular moment and Seonghwa shakes his head to try and relieve himself of the thought. Then on what is surely one of the very last rings, Yunhos voice floods his ears, making Seonghwa jump "Seonghwa?" He calls out, and Seonghwa almost drops his phone. "Yunho! Hi-" Seonghwa rushes out, clutching his chest with one hand as he presses the phone to his ear. "Christ, Seonghwa….How are you?" Yunho asks, and Seonghwa can hear the tightness in his friends voice…. _ God, he's upset.  _ Seonghwa sighs, dropping himself onto one of the bottom steps of the stairs and drawing his knees to his chest. "I'm  _ so  _ sorry, Yunho….I didn't realise-" Seonghwa says softly, looking down at his scuffed shoes on the hardwood stairs.

"You didn't realise it had been a  _ week?  _ I sent you probably thirty texts, Seonghwa" Yunho snaps, and Seonghwa feels his eyes widen…. _ Texts? I don't remember getting any texts from Yunho….How could I forget thirty texts?  _ Seonghwa looks up, and catches Hongjoong staring at him from the kitchen….But he instantly turns away as soon as he locks eyes with Seonghwa. "I'm  _ really  _ sorry, it's been hectic here-" Seonghwa says, grimacing at the foul taste of the lie on his tongue "Bullshit, Seonghwa, if you don't want to speak to us anymore that's fine-" Yunho chokes out, emotions clear in his voice, and Seonghwa stands up as he gasps….Striding towards the end of the hallway and away from where Hongjoong was clearly eavesdropping. "Yunho  _ no  _ it's not like that at all just….I-" Seonghwa hesitates, the truth on the tip of his tongue "You what?  _ What  _ Seonghwa?" Yunho sighs, and Seonghwa gives in "I think something is  _ really  _ wrong with me" Seonghwa whispers into the speaker, feeling his heart rate spike in perfect unison with his stomach dropping.

There's a painfully long second before Yunho responds.

"Something  _ wrong  _ with you?" Yunho hisses, and Seonghwa instantly feels his hands shake "I….I don't know how to explain it….I'm…having these weird  _ visions-"  _ Seonghwa rushes out, and Yunho barks out a laugh "Are you on fucking drugs?  _ Visions"  _ Yunho laughs down the line, and Seonghwa instantly tries to back peddle "You know what don't  _ worry  _ I've just had some weird shit-" Seonghwa huffs, trying to speak over Yunhos  _ howling  _ laughter in the background "You really are a  _ fantastically horrific  _ liar Seonghwa! You're excuse for not calling me was  _ visions"  _ Yunho gasps out between fits of laughter. Seonghwa frowns, shaking his head as he grows frustrated "I mean it I'm having some kind of mental breakdown!" Seonghwa hisses, at the same time he hears Yunho call out to Jongho presumably "Ya! Seonghwa said he hasn't called because he's having  _ vissions _ " he yells.

Seonghwa runs fresh out of patience, turning quickly over his shoulder to make sure Hongjoong wasn't watching on. When he sees no sign of the shorter boy, Seonghwa turns back to the phone and hisses directly into the speaker "Oh and did I mention I'm pretty sure I'm  _ in love  _ with Kim Hongjoong" Seonghwa snaps, and Yunho instantly shuts up, his laughter dying so fast that Seonghwa startles "What the hell did you just say?" Yunho asks, a strange tension in his voice…. _ God what the hell is his problem now?  _ Seonghwa sighs, looking back once again to double check he wasn't being listened to by the boy he was confessing his love for "You heard me" Seonghwa hisses into the speaker. Yunho doesn't respond for a couple of moments, but when he does his voice is tight and cold yet again "That isn't fucking funny, Seonghwa, what the hell, we don't fucking  _ joke  _ about Hongjoong and you damn well know that" he snaps 

Seonghwa draws back "I am  _ not  _ kidding, he has been-" Seonghwa rushes out, blinking rapidly in confusion "I'm hanging up now, Seonghwa" Yunho snaps and Seonghwa stands up dead straight "What? Is Hongjoong a touchy subject for you or something-" 

And the line goes dead 

Seonghwa stands in the hallway, breathing deeply before pulling his phone away from his ear, blinking down at the blank screen…. _ What the hell was that about?  _ Seonghwa can do nothing but blink in confusion as he stares down at the device, and Yunho's contact name. Seonghwa is yanked from his own head when Hongjoong calls out "Dinner!" In the same chirpy voice that instantly soothes Seonghwa. Seonghwa tells himself he'll call Yunho back straight after dinner….And lets his feet carry him towards where Hongjoong is waiting…..Feeling so many conflicting emotions that he can't even begin to compartmentalise them.

Yunho's voice echoes in his ears….. _ we don't fucking joke about Hongjoong _

  
  



	10. t e n

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've missed this fic, so so so much, prepare to be confused!

The next morning, Seonghwa makes sure he is out of bed and ready before Hongjoong has so much as stirred beside him. Seonghwa gets dressed in the bleak and grey early morning light and hurriedly texts Yeosang that he's ready to be picked up. Seonghwa once again feels as if he's _suffocating,_ under both the weight of Hongjoongs never faltering attention on him and the sting of Yunhos words through his crackling phone speaker the night before - _We don't fucking joke about Hongjoong._

Seonghwa didn't want to think about those words, he didn't want to pick them apart every time he looked down at Hongjoongs beaming expression, so he was running away.

Yeosang didn't ask a single question, as Seonghwa climbs into his truck an entire two hours earlier than usual, but then again its become very apparent to Seonghwa that Yeosang seemingly _doesn't know_ how to pry. He simply smiles, says "Good morning!" And they drive off. Seonghwas eyes find the house in his rear view mirror, and as much as he wants to look away…..He can't. The strange pull towards Hongjoong makes his chest ache and his head spin, and Seonghwa is instantly flooded with guilt for leaving without so much as a goodbye. Seonghwa sighs, letting his head fall back against the seat as they slowly plot along "I take it you didn't sleep well?" Yeosang asks, and Seonghwa can't help but chuckle a little "Not exactly, I had a bit of a…. _fight,_ with Yunho" Seonghwa mumbles, immediately hearing Yeosang sigh "Really? He is hardly the confrontation type-" 

"Exactly" Seonghwa huffs, feeling an already weeping wound in his chest stretching at Yeosang words. "I'm sure he just misses you, Hwa" Yeosang mumbles, turning slightly to offer Seonghwa a meek smile.

"Yeah….probably"

_We don't fucking joke about Hongjoong_

….

Once again, Seonghwa has never been so relieved to be left alone. As soon as they step inside the Library, Yeosang politely waves in Seonghwa's direction, offering him a small smile as he makes his way towards…..well, Seonghwa isn't even fully aware where Yeosang disappears to during the day. Seonghwa drags his feet along the carpet, fighting the urge to wince as at the sound of his own footfalls. Seonghwa drops himself into the chair behind the front desk, propping his chin onto his palm and ogling at the abandoned car-park beyond the glass doors. 

Seonghwa doesn't know how many hours pass as he sits there, fiddling with one thing then the next on the cluttered desk…. _Does this library ever get any customers? At all?_ Seonghwa eventually lifts himself out of the chair, knowing for certain that its well past lunch time, and shoves his hands in his pockets as he wanders around the desk. "Yeosang?" Seonghwa calls out, lazily swinging his head side to side as he looks, shaking his black hair around as he does. He gets no response, and passes by the aisle that houses the table Yeosang often spent his days at, and Seonghwas eyebrows knit together finding the space empty. Seonghwa sighs, trying his luck once more by calling out "Yeosang!" Into the empty library, but the only response he gets is the echo of his own voice off of the concrete pillars.

Seonghwa turns back towards the front desk, and his eyes instantly widen when he catches sight of a familiar red-spined hardcover perched on the edge of the wooden ledge. Seonghwa lurches forwards, grasping the worn leather in his hands as he turns the book over….. _The Arch….._ Seonghwa tucks the book under his arm, as if it's some dirty secret, and rushes back towards the front desk. Seonghwa drops himself back into the slightly-wonky desk chair, tucking his long legs up underneath himself as he opens the book back up, immediately finding the drawn-over page again. Seonghwa hums as his fingers slide over the pen strokes on the page, an heir of familiarity washing over him as if the handwriting was something he knew once….. _once._

Seonghwa closes his eyes, screwing them as far shut as he could as his palm flattens against the page, and tries to _will_ himself to remember….. _anything._ Seonghwa stays like that for a moment or two, before sighting deeply as all he feels…..is-

_Hongjoong_ ….. _It's Hongjoongs writing-_

Seonghwa gasps, his eyes flying open as his heart leaps into his throat. Seonghwa scrambles for a hold of the pages, completely overwhelmed with the fact that he just fucking _remembered_ something _,_ something to do with _Hongjoong-_

Seonghwa eyes fly over the page and-

_What_

All of the writing, the highlighting and scribbles….. _Are gone._ Seonghwa gasps, sitting bolt upright and letting his legs unfold and settle on the ground beneath him. Seonghwa blinks in rapid succession "No no no" he gasps as his hands flutter over the page, the writing he was sure was Hongjoong-

_Wait…..What did it look like again?_

" _No"_ Seonghwa chokes out, standing quickly and dropping the book onto the desk in front of him with a thump as he stumbles away from it, as if it's pages had scorched his fingers. Seonghwa looks away, his hands slapped over his mouth as Seonghwa looks anywhere but the red book on the desk in front of him. Seonghwa takes a few shaking breaths, forcing away the pool of guilt that loiters in his chest as he looks back down…..Where he sees the book has fallen open again…..Onto the back page, where something is scrawled into the bottom corner in faded black ink.

_'Property of Kim Hongjoong'_

Seonghwa has never shut something so fast in his life, pushing it across the desk so hard that the book clatters to the floor.

_I am losing my mind, what the fuck is happening to me?_

Seonghwa seeks a distraction like his life depends on it, and turns his back on the red book as fast as he humanly can, pulling his phone out of his pocket with trembling fingers. Seonghwa feels his heart sink when he sees no messages…..Not even from Hongjoong. Seonghwa quickly unlocks the device, sliding his fingers across the screen as he taps out a message to Hongjoong 

_Seonghwa: Hi! I'm sorry I left so early this morning, had a few extra things to do before work, I hope you have a good day ♡♡_

Seonghwa slides his phone away, and his attention is quickly grabbed by a hissing sound coming from outside. Seonghwa let's his eyes find its source, and sighs when he sees another one of those 'Mystery Tours' buses on the street outside the library. Seonghwa let's his curiosity get the better of him, and slowly walks towards the door, slipping through the glass doors as soon as they slide open enough for him to fit through. Seonghwa wanders forwards, leaning against one of the support beams outside the library. The tourists pile off of the bus in streams, maps in hand and zinc streaked across their face despite the looming storm clouds in the distance. Seonghwa leans forwards, shaking his head as he watches them all.

"Freaks….Wooyoung called you all freaks" Seonghwa chuckles to himself, a strange fluttering in his chest as he recalls the red gates they're all here for, and the peculiar _tug_ towards them he felt on that night on the cliffs- 

Seonghwa shakes his head, pushing the twisting feeling away as another sensation floods his senses, and Seonghwa is quick to reach for his pocket as he recognises the tell-tale vibrating of his phone. Seonghwa pulls it free, smiling softly as he sees Mingi's name on the screen. Seonghwa is quick to answer it, putting the phone to his ear "Hey, Mingi" Seonghwa mumbles into the phone, turning away from car park to saunter back into the library "Hey Hwa, just letting you know you should really get home soon" Mingi rushes out from the other end of the line, and like clockwork a clap of thunder rockets across the grey sky in the distance, making Seonghwa jump. "W-What?" Seonghwa stutters out, and Mingi only chuckles into the phone "Well, you're still scared of storms aren't you? There's one hell of a huge one coming and it's about to get real nasty over the hill-"

Seonghwa turns and rushes back into the library "I'm coming home now, thank you Mingi!" Seonghwa mumbles into the receiver before locking the device and searching frantically for Yeosang.

It's like the other boy can hear his racing heart over the thrumming of thunder in the distance, and Yeosang steps out from behind a shelf "Home time, I take it?" He asks 

Thunder cracks like a whip, making Seonghwa tense. All he can do is nod. Seonghwa makes for the door, his eyes flicking over each flick of light that cuts the grey clouds apart, jolts of lighting that make Seonghwas hands clench at his sides….. _storms aren't so bad in cities._ Seonghwa watched the bus pull away, and immediately comes to a halt, his eyes widening as Yeosang brushes past him "Fuck it is getting bad, let's hurry Seonghwa-" Yeosang gasps as he brushes past.

In a split second decision, Seonghwa turns on his heel and all but runs back to the front desk, walking around it and snatching the red spined book off of the floor, shoving it under his arm as he jogs back towards the door.

Seonghwas heart races in his hollow chest, and the book feels as if it's almost _vibrating_ against his side. Seonghwa takes a deep breath, hoping with everything he has left that the next time he opens it….Hongjoong will be scrawled over every page, and there will something for Seonghwa to find between the lines.

They pile into the truck in the exact second that the sky above them opens up, and the first droplets of rain slide down the windscreen in front of Seonghwa's wide eyes. Yeosang has the car in drive in the following second, and the third is marked by the squeaking of brake pads as they pull out of the carpark and onto the now deserted main road, the few inhabitants clearing having fled from the impending storm as well. Seonghwa huddles in on himself, shuffling down in his seat as they drive along. Yeosang turns up the radio to drown out the rumbling of thunder, and Seonghwa tries to keep his childish fear at bay. It doesn't take long for Seonghwa to notice Yeosang is _fidgeting,_ a strange occurrence for the boy, and once Seonghwa had become aware of his shuffling and tapping on the wheel, its impossible to ignore. "Yeosang, are you alright?" Seonghwa asks, and Yeosang immediately stops his fiddling, but doesn't look over at Seonghwa as he drives "That obvious, huh?" Yeosang sighs, and Seonghwa only shrugs.

_I can't say I know you well enough to be able to tell, because that would be a lie-_

"It's nothing just…..Hongjoong" Yeosang mumbles, and Seonghwa sits bolt upright in the cracked leather car seat in an instant "What about him?" Seonghwa asks, his eyes widening as he looks directly at Yeosang. Yeosang groans, shaking his head "No Seonghwa really it's nothing-" Yeosang rushes out, but Seonghwa doesn't allow the rambling to continue " _Yeosang"_ he breathes out, and the smaller boy immediately caves "Every year around this time he gets….. _weird_ " Yeosang groans, and Seonghwas head tilts without his permission, a gesture of confusion that Yeosangs peripheral vision immediately picks up on " _See!_ I told you I was being ridiculous-" Yeosang whines, and Seonghwa lurches forwards to places his hand on Yeosang shoulder "No no no, please just…..Weird how?" Seonghwa stutters out, causing Yeosang to throw him a tense expression for just a moment before training his eyes back on the road.

"Every year, around this time ever since you left he gets I don't know…..Manic? He'll fucking cry out of nowhere or disappear for three days or dye his hair bright pink….Don't get me wrong he's always a bit _wild_ but it's….it's almost _sad,_ the way he acts….like he's showing off for some one who isn't there-" Yeosang rambles, and Seonghwa can spot the meaning from a hundred miles away "For me" he chokes out, and Yeosang deflates "Yeah…..So with you being back this year, I thought it might _finally_ stop, but…." Yeosang trails off, and Seonghwa finds himself leaning slightly forwards, eagerly awaiting the end of the sentence.

"It's a whole lot worse _worse,_ for fucks sake Seonghwa he called me about an hour ago and went on a twenty minute rant about _algebra homew_ ork and when I finally managed to get a word in to ask him what fucking homework, he responded 'For Mr Lees final dumbass' and I just-" Yeosang seems to collapse on himself, and Seonghwa hangs on every frantic word "It took me an _hour_ to convince him we weren't in _fucking highschool_ anymore, and hadn't been for a very long time…..H-he…. _God_ Seonghwa, he apparently gave Mingi a similar call only a day ago about having lost his senior blazer and how he needs is for school pictures, Mingi _sobbed_ when he told me because he didn't know how to help Hongjoong" Yeosang chokes out, and Seonghwa is rendered utterly speechless. 

_Help Hongjoong_

All he can see between every blink, he sees cherry red hair and a soaked uniform, frantic hands clawing at him and the careless breeze on the cliffs edge….. _Yeosang, this cannot be a fucking coincidence….._ Seonghwa sits back in his chair with a thud, wanting more than anything to let his mouth fall open and recount every moment of pure _fucked up shit_ that had happened to him the moment he stepped of the train…..But Seonghwa having _night terrors_ and what he can only describe as _psychotic episodes_ couldn't possibly have anything to do with Hongjoong, right?

_Whatevers going on in my head is not fucking real, Hongjoong calling Yeosang about homework he hasn't had for five years is very terrifyingly real_

Seonghwa takes a breath 

_I know what's real, and what's imaginary right?_

"I...I don't know what to say-" Seonghwa chokes out, and Yeosang shakes his head as they turn down another long street "Just….keep your eye on him for me, please?" Yeosang asks, every word broken and jagged, and Seonghwa can only nod as something thick forms in his throat.

_I know what's real_

Seonghwa sees cherry hair in city streets, and a pull towards a red door where those restless spirits with unfinished deeds among the living may freely pass through….the scribbled on pages of a community library book and the careless babblings about fate from a sunshine boy.

_And what is fake_

…..

By the time they're on the road that Seonghwas house perches on, rain is coming down in sheets, and Seonghwas hands are white in his lap from tensing them so hard. Yeosang hasn't spoken again, but his hands continue to quiver around the peeling leather of the steering wheel. When Seonghwa sees his house come into view, he lets out a shaky exhale which makes Yeosang jump

_The lights are on_

"Hongjoong is inside-" Seonghwa chokes out as they pull into the drive, and Yeosang let's out a broken whimper as Seonghwa yanks his seatbelt free "Please don't panic, Hwa, he's fine i'm sure I shouldn't have told you-" Yeosang pleads as Seonghwa throws open the door, sliding out into the pouring rain, not once looking at Yeosang as said rain slides down his chin " _Seonghwa-"_ Yeosang breathes out, and Seonghwa forces his eyes up, locking with Yeosangs own "You said this has been happening since I left?" Seonghwa mumbles, and Yeosangs face immediately contorts "Don't you dare blame yourself-"

"Hard not too"

_Park Seonghwa, you are so beautiful_

Seonghwa shuts the door, turning in the pouring rain and walking as fast as he can towards the porch, feeling every hair on his now wet neck stand up as another bolt of thunder beams across the inky sky. Seonghwa reaches for the door with trembling wet hands, slipping ever so slightly against the metal nob as he twists it and pushes the door open. Seonghwa doesn't waste a moment, letting his mouth fall open to call out "H-Hongjoong" 

Seonghwa grimaces at the way his voice trembles, and pulls the door shut with a soft click behind him as he steps into the hallway. Seonghwa walks slowly, taking each step as if he was waiting for something to leap out and attack him "Hongjoong…..Where are you?" Seonghwa calls out again, the only response he gets is a clash of thunder that appears _far_ too loud. Seonghwa jumps, and as he walks into the living area he quickly locates the reason why the sound was so painfully loud…..The side door was open, and as the rain grew heavier and heavier by the second, the floorboards were getting wet. Seonghwa gasps and lurches forwards, rushing towards the door to shut it.

Seonghwa screws his eyes shut in a pathetic attempt to keep the fear at bay, ever since he was small he had always been terrified of storms…. _If only I could remember things beyond the fears of my childhood._ As Seonghwa is about to completely shut the door, hearing wind whip at the window lodged in the middle of it, his eyes catch a flicker of something _wrong._

_Hongjoong_

Hongjoong is _outside._

Seonghwa throws the door open with such vigor that it slams into the wall outside, bouncing off and almost hitting him in his haste to get outside. Seonghwa can feel blood rushing in his ears as his feet race him to the edge of the patio, but don't allow him to step off of it into the sheets of rain that pelt his back yard. Seonghwa can only see the back of Hongjoongs head, tossing and turning around in the field, he looks frantic….Seonghwa can immediately hear Yeosangs voice in his head - _Manic_

Hongjoong looks _terrified_

Seonghwa grips one of the support beams, leaning forwards, he is about to open his mouth and scream for his pocket of sunshine to return back to safety, when Hongjoong beats him to it. "Mrs Park! Are you out here?! You have to come inside now it's _dangerous-"_

Seonghwas aching heart _shatters_

_He's calling out for my mother-_

Seonghwa is off of the patio in a milliseconds, and running as fast as he can in the pouring rain in the next. Seonghwa feels the threat of sobs brewing in his chest, and can barely see through the onslaught of rain as he desperately reaches towards Hongjoong. Seonghwa opens his mouth, hoping he can be louder than the thunder, he takes a shaking breath and screams "Hongjoong!" Seonghwa sees the boys head whip towards him, his honey coloured hair plastered to his forehead, completely saturated. Seonghwa gasps as he sees the pure terror in Hongjoongs eyes, and it's enough to make him lose his footing. Seonghwa yelps as he falls forwards, face first into the grass on his stomach. Seonghwa is immediately winded, and in that exact moment he _breaks._ The first sob feels like a knife in his side, and the second one feels like acid as he tries to push himself up onto his knees " _Hongjoong-"_ Seonghwa beg's, his small voice lost to the storm.

Seonghwa has finally managed to get one foot underneath him, when a small hand flies into his field of vision and grabs his arm, pulling him forwards as a clear attempt to get him on his feet. The pull sends Seonghwa scrambling, and he very nearly manages to stop himself from tumbling to the ground again "Seonghwa! Thank god! I can't find your mum! She goes out walking all the time but it's _storming_ and I _can't-_ " Hongjoong pleads, his voice sounding small and _young_ despite his appearance not having changed at all…... _this is real._

Seonghwa can't even _speak,_ he stumbles in the rain as he steadies himself and Hongjoong attempts to tug on his soaked clothes. Seonghwa can't stop _staring_ as Hongjoong looks up at him, the smaller boys lips are blue from the cold and water mixes with tears that pool in the corners of his wide eyes "Seonghwa _help me-"_

Seonghwa feels his knees shake….. _it's the same, the same voice as the night in the hallway_

The rain falls harder.

Seonghwa takes hold of both of Hongjoongs forearms in his trembling hands, and simply shakes his head, a gesture that makes Hongjoong scowl at him "No?! Seonghwa your _mother-"_ Hongjoong screams at him, and Seonghwa finally regains the ability to breathe well enough to speak "Is _dead"_ he spits back at Hongjoong, water flying off of his lips as he hisses out the words. Hongjoong immediately draws back as if he had been burned, his eyes wide as water catches his long eyelashes "What the _fuck_ are you talking about? I saw her an _hour_ ago-" Hongjoong bites back, looking at Seonghwa as if he has lost his mind….. _He believes it, you cannot fake such distress._

Seonghwa let's his hands slide up Hongjoongs arms and over his shoulders, where a grey t-shirt is now plastered to his skin. Seonghwa let's his hands settle on Hongjoongs cheeks, not being able to do a single thing to stop the tears that flow freely down his own pale cheeks " _No_ Hongjoong, she's _gone,_ you were at the funeral…..You wore a flower crown and-" Seonghwa heaves between sobs, crowding so close to Hongjoong that they're chests touch "And gave it to me after, remember?" Seonghwa continues to babble between sobs, and Hongjoong only blinks up at him, like a deer in headlights.

_I am supposed to be the one losing my mind_

Seonghwa desperate strokes at the soft pads under Hongjoongs eyes 

_This is all meant to be in my_ **_head_ **

" _Hongjoong!_ Stop this you're _scaring me-_ " Seonghwa cries out, shaking him slightly as he does, and it's like a lightbulb flicks off. Hongjoongs eyes immediately flutter and soften, and he gasps as he looks around as if he's just _woken up._ Seonghwa only sobs harder at the loss of Hongjoongs eyes being locked with his own, and the sound is enough to have Hongjoong whip his head back towards him "Seonghwa? Why are we outside? What's _wrong_ darling-"

Seonghwa can't stop himself

He pushes forwards, a sob dying in his throat as he yanks Hongjoong that last inch closer, and presses their lips together. Hongjoong gasps, a small " _Ah!"_ sound that Seonghwa can only just hear over the rain and can feel against his chest as they collide. Seonghwa holds Hongjoongs face with trembling hands, and tilts his head to slide their cold lips together impossibly further as tears pool where they meet. Hongjoong reaches both of his hands up to grasp at the front of Seonghwa's shirt as they desperately arc into one and other, and Seonghwa feels colour ignite behind his clenched eyes, and his knees tremble under the weight of it.

_I am kissing Kim Hongjoong_

Hongjoong gasps as they pull apart for air, desperately choking out Seonghwas name like a prayer " _Hwa,_ oh my god-" Hongjoong practically _cries,_ and Seonghwa let's his hands fall to grasp at Hongjoongs impossibly tiny waist through his soaked t-shirt, letting his eyes open only enough to make out the shape of Hongjoongs features through the blur of tears and rain. Seonghwa pressed their foreheads together, feeling his breaths mix with Hongjoongs in the centimetre that separates them "Kiss me, _please-"_ Seonghwa begs, and Hongjoong frantically nods as his hands slide up the sides of Seonghwas neck to make a home in his hair, tugging Seonghwa back down to meet his already open mouth. Seonghwa whines loud enough to be heard over the rain, and desperately wraps his arms around Hongjoong to pull him flush against his chest. Hongjoong gasps into Seonghwas mouth, and his hands slide down the back of Seonghwas neck making him shiver.

It could have lasted a lifetime, or just a second, Seonghwa will never be able to tell.

Lighting cracks

Seonghwa _whines,_ a scared broken sound that has Hongjoong pulling his lips away. Seonghwa doesn't let him go easily, and desperately arches towards him as he retreats " _Seonghwa"_ Hongjoong pleads as his hands slide around to grasp Seonghwas cheeks " _Inside"_ he chokes out, and they share a moment of just _staring._ Neither wants to be the first to let go, so Seonghwa flattens his hands against the back of Hongjoongs narrow back and slowly slides them up under the mess of his shirt, and Hongjoong pets weekly at Seonghwa's cheeks as they just _stare_ at each other. Another bolt of lightning cracks, and Seonghwa immediately winces " _Now"_ Hongjoong eventually chokes out, reaching behind him to take both of Seonghwa's hands in his own, tugging him around and back towards the house, Seonghwa goes easily, feeling _drunk_ on his swaying legs and foggy mind.

_This has to be a dream_

Hongjoong tows him up onto the porch, yanking open the door and pulling them both inside. It hasn't even fully closed before Seonghwa has Hongjoong in his arms again. Hongjoong yelps as Seonghwa pulls him around to face him, swooping in to wrap both of his soaked arms around the smaller boys middle and desperately presses his face into the crook of his neck. Seonghwa _heaves_ , each breath making his chest ache as he fights away tears. Hongjoong doesn't waste a second, and his arms immediately come up to wrap around Seonghwas neck, tugging them both flush together yet again " _Hwa,_ I'm right here okay? You're safe-" Hongjoong whispers directly into Seonghwa's ear, and the taller boy can only frantically nod as he pulls them impossibly closer, creating a puddle as they drip on the hardwood.

_Kim Hongjoong….._ **_Stay_ **

…..

Seonghwa doesn't know how long they stay like that, time simply runs away from him in the same fashion it had repeatedly for the last few months spent in Hongjoongs orbit. But in that moment, feeling Hongjoongs hands tremble in his wet hair and hearing his every breath against the shell of his ear, Seonghwa decides he doesn't care. 

He holds tighter, and loves fiercer, than time can take away from him. 

Eventually it's Hongjoong that pulls back, and Seonghwa immediately whines and paws for his return "Seonghwa we're _soaked-"_ Hongjoong whispers, and Seonghwa only fists his hands in the front of Hongjoongs shirt, his head hanging low as he just _breathes._ Hongjoong reaches for Seonghwa's hand on his own chest, taking it gently, slowing brushing his thumb over Seonghwa's knuckles "We need to change, yeah?" Hongjoong says, his voice small and gentle as he ducks his head to appear in Seonghwa's field of vision. Seonghwa surrenders, and nods meekly as Hongjoong takes the first slow step backwards, once again pulling Seonghwa along with him. Seonghwa hisses at the squeaking of his wet shoes as they slowly make their way up the stairs, the sound of rain hammering against the windows being the only other sound in the dark hallway. 

Hongjoong pauses in the hallway, maybe Seonghwa stumble for a moment before he raises his head to look at what has caught Hongjoongs attention…...Seonghwa feels his heart skip a fair few beats, seeing Hongjoong so intently focused on the handle of the bathroom door "It's freezing…..We should probably shower" Hongjoong mumbles, every syllable dripping a shyness Seonghwa would never have expected from Hongjoong of all people. Seonghwa feels a blush crawl like fire up his chest, and he reaches past Hongjoong to turn the door handle and push it open "After you then" he mumbles, his voice raw from sobbing. Hongjoongs eyes widen as he looks up at Seonghwa, their hands still wound together between them. Hongjoong only blinks, but it's clear that he is fighting some kind of internal battle on what to do.

Seonghwa steps around him, toeing his shoes off at the door and kicking his soaked socks with them, before letting his hand slide free of Hongjoongs as he steps into the bathroom, his back facing the smaller boy. Seonghwa takes a deep breath, turning to look at him again "Coming?" He asks weekly, and Hongjoongs eyelids flutter once again " _Seonghwa-"_ he breathes out, as if he doesn't believe him at all, and Seonghwa only shakes his head, reaching out to take Hongjoongs hand and tug him inside the bathroom. Hongjoong gasps as Seonghwa reaches around him yet again to pull the door shut behind them, flicking the light on and bathing the small room in orange light.

Seonghwa takes another breath, looking down at Hongjoongs hands before quickly reaching out to take them in his own "If you think for a _second,_ I'm leaving you alone again, you're wrong" Seonghwa chokes out, a part of him hating how _possessive_ he sounds. Hongjoong let's out a small gasp before nodding "Seonghwa….how did I get outside?" Hongjoong asks in a voice so tiny it makes Seonghwa wince, and he immediately lifts his eyes to lock with Hongjoongs own "I don't know, you were out there when I got home-" Seonghwa says softly, and Hongjoongs mouth immediately begins to quiver "W-What? I don't _remember-"_ Hongjoong chokes out, and Seonghwa immediately lurches forwards once again to take Hongjoongs face in his hands " _Breathe"_ Seonghwa instructs him, and Hongjoongs eyes screw shut as he tries his best to obey the order, taking a deep and shaky breath.

"We need to get you out of these clothes, you're freezing" Seonghwa says barely above a whisper, his hands dropping to the hem of Hongjoongs soaked shirt, Hongjoongs eyes flutter open, and he nods as he gently lifts his arms to drape around Seonghwas trembling shoulder. Seonghwa feels _breathless_ at the realisation…. _He wants me to undress him, jesus christ-_

Seonghwa doesn't let his brain take the context here and run with it, and instead he fists his hands in the sodding material and gently begins to lift it up Hongjoongs torso, immediately causing Hongjoong to flip his head forwards and press his face into Seonghwas shoulder. Seonghwa immediately gasps, and halts his movement " _Hongjoong-_ " he chokes out as if he's done something horribly wrong, but his apology is halted when he feels small fingers begin to work at the bottom button of the shirt he was wearing.

_God_

Seonghwa turns his head to press his nose into Hongjoongs wet hair, taking a deep breath as he continues to slowly drag Hongjoongs shirt up his back. The moment is dizzying, it's not at all sexual yet painfully intimate, and makes Seonghwa feel as if he is slowly sinking into the tiles below him. Eventually Seonghwa gets Hongjoongs shirt up to his armpits, and immediately Hongjoongs leans back and lifts his arms, letting Seonghwa pull it off completely in one swift motion and toss the wet rag aside. Seonghwa's hands immediately fall back to Hongjoongs now _bare_ waist, and the small boy lurches at the touch before shamelessly arching into it. Seonghwa let's his eyes close, pressing his face once again into Hongjoongs hair and he slowly makes his way undoing his own shirt, finally completing the task and pushing it off of Seonghwa's shoulders….who lets the garment fall to the floor behind him.

Seonghwa doesn't have to move, because Hongjoong beats him to it. The smaller boy lifts his arms again, draping them around Seonghwa shoulders before pushing his hands up into his hair, forcing Seonghwa's head up to look at him. The gentle expression on Hongjoongs face is enough to make Seonghwas chest ache under the weight of it " _Hwa-"_ Hongjoong breathes his name yet again, and this time they come together much much _gentler._

Their second kiss is barely a kiss, more so a brush of lips as Hongjoong gets up on his tip-toes to reach him. Seonghwa gets the message immediately, and let's himself lean back against the sink, making him almost eye level with Hongjoong as he drags the sunshine boy into the space between his legs, still clad with soaked jeans. Hongjoong gasps as they're lips come together again, pressing but still full of a gentleness Seonghwa had never felt in a kiss. Seonghwa's hands mimic the energy, and his fingers trail winding lines up Hongjoongs bare sides, causing him to let out yet another small gasp. Seonghwa takes the window, letting his head fall to the side to slot their mouths together at a better angle, and lifts one hand to take Hongjoongs chin to guide him into a deeper kiss. Hongjoongs moans softly, pulling away ever so slightly to speak against Seonghwa's lips "You'll have to be patient with me here, I've never kissed anyone-" 

Seonghwa's eyes fly open, and he draws back a good few centimetres to start at Hongjoong, who immediately wears a truly _embarrassed_ smile "What?! Don't you dare make fun of me!" Hongjoong whines, and Seonghwa can only dumly shake his head in disbelief "H-How? How has no one ever kissed you?" Seonghwa babbles, his fingers stroking at Hongjoongs jaw. Hongjoong only shrugs "Did it not cross your mind that maybe I was waiting for…..someone?" Hongjoong says softly, his eyes dropping to stare at their laps as he mumbles the words.

_He was fucking waiting for me…..This cannot be fucking real life_

"Oh my _god"_ Seonghwa groans, tugging Hongjoong forward in a kiss that resembled the one from outside, fierce and needy and full of the words he didn't have the heart to say. Hongjoong let's out another one of Seonghwa's favourite little ' _Ah!'_ sounds, and immediately arches into the kiss. Seonghwa pulls back ever so slightly, his eyes reminding closed as he feels Hongjoongs laboured breathing against his chest "Guess we have a lot of time to make up for then, huh?"

This time, it's Hongjoong who presses forwards.

And once again, time blurs

…..

  
  


Seonghwa arches his back, yawning deeply as he stretches his arms out beside him. Seonghwa's light blue bed sheets flatten out under his palms, and his t-shirt rises to expose the lower half of his stomach. Seonghwa has his eyes screwed shut, basking in the warmth of his sheets and the lingering heat from the shower he had just shared-

His eyes flutter open

Shared with _Hongjoong_

Like clockwork, something heavy settles on Seonghwa lap, making him sit up with a gasp and- 

"Hi there" Hongjoong chuckles as he settles in Seonghwa's lap, his hands dropping to rest on Seonghwa's shoulders. Seonghwas hands immediately settle on Hongjoongs waist, marvelling in a way that the smaller boy ever-so-slightly arches into the touch. Seonghwa beams up at him, mumbling back a soft "Hi, Hongjoong" as he tucks his legs up underneath Hongjoong, crossed legged to secure him in Seonghwa's lap. Hongjoong chuckles as Seonghwa pulls him forwards, tucking his face into Hongjoong collarbone, which was exposed due to the almost hilariously oversized shirt he was wearing. "God Seonghwa, this feels like a _dream-"_ Hongjoong chuckles as he leans down to press a kiss to the top of Seonghwas head, who's heart jumps at the statement " _Hongjoong-"_ he whines into the boys soft skin.

Hongjoong sighs loudly "The weather is just awful isn't it? I hope it doesn't last" Hongjoong rushes out, quickly and swiftly changing the subject. Seonghwa sighs as he leans back on his palms behind him, Hongjoong immediately follows, leaning forwards to press himself against Seonghwa, a small smile on his large features. 

_They…...don't talk about it_

They don't talk about what unfolded only an hour ago, they don't talk about hopeless kisses or gentle undressing and…..Seonghwa pretends it doesn't bother him. Yet when he looks at Hongjoongs face now, beaming at him as if Seonghwa was his entire universe, he can see not one _shred_ of the boy he founds in the rain. The boy screaming for Seonghwas mother, the boy who was stressed about homework and uniforms…... _Hongjoong from years past, the Hongjoong from his dreams, standing in the rain._

Every time he blinks, Seonghwa can see Yeosangs worried expression in the darkness.

Hongjoongs hands settle on Seonghwa's chest, and he leans in once again to press his lips so painfully genially against Seonghwas own, making Seonghwa's mind immediately clear. When kissing Kim Hongjoong, it was hard to think about much else other than _him._ Hongjoong smiles into the kiss, pulling back to brush his nose against Seonghwa's "You know what I say? If it takes a storm to stay in this bed with you, then I hope it storms everyday" Hongjoong chuckles, painfully sing-songy and poetic, making Seonghwa throw his head back with a groan "My _god_ where the fuck did you read that?!" Seonghwa chuckles, and Hongjoong only punches him weekly in the chest from where he leans over Seonghwa "Hey! I'm being _romantic-"_

Seonghwa lifts his head then, a smirk gracing his features as he regards Hongjoong. Hongjoong draws back, his wide "What now?" Hongjoong rushes out, and Seonghwa can only smiles as he takes him in "Romantic" he chuckles, and revels in the way a blush crawls up the exposed column of Hongjoongs neck. Seonghwa acts quickly, he wraps his arms around Hongjoongs middle and sends them both falling backwards onto the bed. Hongjoong shrieks as he collapses against Seonghwas chest, but Seonghwa gives him not a single moment to right himself before quickly flipping them both over, pinning Hongjoong beneath him.

Hongjoong gasps again, his eyes wide as he looks up at Seonghwa "What the _hell-"_ he whines, but is cut off when Seonghwa let's himself fall forwards and press his mouth against Hongjoongs, still slightly ajar with shock. Hongjoong whines, low in his throat as his arms come to wind around Seonghwas neck, and Seonghwas own slide between his back and the sheets beneath him. Seonghwa feels _dizzy_ in the kiss, as if any second he will be grabbed from behind and thrown head first back into reality, a reality where Hongjoong is only to be admired, not touched.

He doesn't get to enjoy it for long.

A feint buzzing, slowly begins to filter through Seonghwa's ears, a familiar buzzing that is almost impossible to ignore….. _his phone._ Seonghwa groans, pulling up and away from Hongjoong as he peers over the edge of the bed, seeing it vibrating on the floor. Seonghwa squints to make out the name as Hongjoong whines at the loss of Seonghwa's full attention. As soon as Seonghwa can read the name, his eyes widen and he crawls of Hongjoong in an instant " _Hwa"_ Hongjoong whines, and Seonghwa turns to flash Hongjoong a small smile, fishing the phone off off of the floor and flashing the screen at him "It's Jongho! I gotta take this!" Seonghwa calls out as he slides out of bed, crawling down the stairs with his phone clutched in his hand. As Seonghwa goes to slip out of the door, he turns to see Hongjoong propped up in the pillows, pouting, and curses his heart for the way it stutters at the sight as he slips around the corner.

When Hongjoong is out of sight, Seonghwas world seems _smaller….._ like the walls are pressing in on him and something dark is looming, it's a feeling that became distinctly harder to ignore since Seonghwa now has Yeosangs voice of worry in his head along with his own.

Yet Seonghwa still tries damn hard to get it out of his head.

Seonghwa is quick to answer the call as soon as he's in the hallway, pressing the phone to his ear "Jongho! Hi!" Seonghwa calls out into the receiver, crossing his free arm over his chest as he wanders down the hallway…..and _silence_ answers him. Seonghwa scowls, speaking softer into the phone this time "Jongho? You there?" Seonghwa sighs, and at least gets a _sigh_ back this time "Seonghwa…..hey" Jongho mumbles back, sounding painfully far away through the speaker. Seonghwa let's out a breath "How are you? I've missed you-"

"We need to talk" Jongho says completely flatly, so deadpan it makes Seonghwa physically draw back. Seonghwa immediately looks over his shoulder to his closed bedroom door, yet still he takes a few quick steps towards the end of the hall before he speaks again "What? Is everything okay-" Seonghwa mumbles into the phone, resenting the way his stomach drops. Jongho scoffs "Are you kidding? We don't hear from you for _weeks_ and when Yunho finally gets you on the phone you-" Jongho rushes out, and Seonghwa can't help but lurch in to interrupt him "Okay _look_ I think I need to come clean here, I tried with Yunho but he didn't _believe_ me! I need you to just listen please? I-I have been having some _issues,_ I can't remember things-" Seonghwa let's the words fall out of his mouth, so fast he can barely discern him himself.

"No you need to listen to _me_ right now, you shit! What the fuck is _wrong_ with you bringing up Hongjoong to Yunho after all these fucking years!" Jongho spits into the phone, and confusion once again laces in Seonghwas chest 'What does that _mean?_ How was I supposed to know he was a sore topic? I don't remember highschool! None of it! I'm sorry for not telling you but-" Seonghwa rushes out, but Jongho doesn't allow him to finish "Are you fucking _stupid?_ Of course Hongjoong is a touchy subject you insensitive fuck-" Jongho snaps, and Seonghwa immediately feels something hot and angry form in his chest.

"Why isn't Hongjoong in our graduation pictures? I don't fucking remember and I need you to tell me right now Jongho I swear-" Seonghwa barks back, and hears Jongho take an almost _pained_ breath "You want me to humour you? Play whatever game you're playing here? Sure! He isn't in the damn photos because he wasn't fucking _the-"_

_Beep….beep….beep_

Seonghwa yanks the phone away from his ear, seeing the call has been disconnected "What the hell-" 

And the screen goes black, flickering a few times before dying completely….. _It was fully charged, how could that have happened-_

"Seonghwa?" 

Seonghwa whips around, seeing Hongjoong loitering in the doorway, his head tilted and a strange expression on his face….. _No, how long have you been standing there?_ "Sorry, Hongjoong-" Seonghwa sighs, and the sunshine boy only lifts his hand to reach for Seonghwa "Come back to bed, will you?" 

Seonghwa looks back at his phone…..Something feels _very_ fucking wrong here-

" _Hwa"_ Hongjoong whines, and Seonghwas feet move on his own accord, taking him back towards the smaller boy with a shake of his head, trying to force Jonghos echoing voice out of his ears as a smile dawns on Hongjoongs face. Seonghwa takes his hand, and let's himself be pulled back into his own bedroom 

Thunder cracks beyond the windows

Seonghwa feels something dark brewing, something he fears he can't keep running from…..But that's not going to stop him from trying, with Hongjoongs fingers woven between his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I did THAT


End file.
